Equipping your toddler with a good self-image and feeling of self-worth will set your little one up for a future of healthy and fulfilling relationships.
A strong feeling of self-worth will also give your child the confidence needed for all the challenges to be faced in the near future, like going to playschool, interacting with other children in a playground and riding a bike for the first time.
In order to for confidence to grow, toddlers need to be allowed the opportunity to do things for themselves, as each new achievement, no matter how small, is a step towards their growing independence. Encouraging words will help, and should be given, but the feeling of accomplishment achieved after mastering a new skill is far more potent than simply being told “you are clever” or “you are strong”. There are many ways to build your toddler’s self-esteem and allow confidence to grow through play:
Play together
Although your toddler needs to learn to play independently, it is a good idea to set some time aside to play together. By doing this you are sending a message that your child’s activities and what she is interested in are important to you.
Give simple tasks
Give your child a special chore that is hers only – such as tidying up her bedroom or watering your pot plants. Most toddlers will enthusiastically mirror your actions, and will excitedly take up a task they have seen you perform. Praise your little one’s efforts and express your appreciation for the help.
Allow reasonable risk-taking
Encourage your toddler to try a new game or activity, like going down a slide or riding a scooter. Try to avoid being the dreaded ‘helicopter parent’ and allow your child to take some risks (within reason), resisting the urge to swoop in and rescue at the first sign of trouble. Allowing toddlers to overcome certain difficulties on their own fosters independence and, in turn, self-confidence.
Give challenges
Play games in which challenges are given, such as ‘How many times can you hop on one foot?’, or ‘Can you count to ten?’. Meeting these challenges will build your toddler’s confidence. Be sure give praise when a challenge is met, or even if your child makes an effort.
Promote problem-solving
If your toddler is faced with a problem, such as how to get off a bike, how to fit a puzzle piece or even how to deal with an upsetting sibling or friend, ask your little one for ideas on how to solve it. Allowing children to find their own solutions to problems, while you play a supporting role, helps to build confidence.
Enrol for classes
There are many classes, sports and activities that your little one can partake in that will help to engender a high self-esteem. If you recognise a specific talent in your child, encourage it, but don’t push it. Your child needs to know that your love does not depend on how well he or she performs in a certain activity. Offer encouragement, push gently so that skills do improve, and praise efforts.
Justene Cocking, an Edenvale mom of three, sent her now six-year-old daughter Mackenzie to a few classes when she was younger, attributing her daughter’s confidence, among other accomplishments, in a large part to these activities. “Mackenzie attended pottery classes and loved coming home and showing us what she had made; she was extremely proud of her achievements. Ballet helped enormously with her shyness and improved her concentration,” says Justene.
While praise and encouragement is essential for confidence-building, it is interesting to note that recent studies have shown that certain types of praise can have a negative effect. ‘Person praise’, for example “you are good at football”, can reduce motivation and promote unhealthy comparisons with others, while ‘process praise’, such as “you tried really hard on the football field today” encourages children to confront their weaknesses, take on challenges and appreciate that effort is valued.
Additional links:
www.raisesmartkid.com, www.askdrsears.com, www.projectplaytime.com, www.hanen.org/Helpful-info, www.babycenter.com
Author bio: Loren Shirley-Carr is a freelance journalist and mother to one toddler and two teenage foster boys. When she is not in her car ferrying children about, or in the kitchen cooking meals that no one will eat, she can be found at her desk writing. Find her at lorensc@vodamail.co.za
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