Does my "unstructured" child need to see an OT?

Hi Juno,

I had a similar experience but the difference was the teacher said my children who are 17months apart cant play with other children, they team up and don't allow other kids in to there "playgroup" she said we must try to keep them apart at home and teach them not to play with each other so much . They have learned to play like that and they don't like being apart. They are almost inseparable...

What the teachers most of the time don't understand is that there is a huge difference in single children and children that has siblings.And we as parents do our best to teach our kids everything we can possibly think of but some times there are things they have to learn on their own. We also can't always teach them small things like play in a group or play on your own. Its a lot easier for children who has sibling to take part in group activities because we teach them to do almost everything together but how do you teach a single child to play in a group at home...

I think that the teacher has to look at it from this perspective and realize that every child has his/her own personality, and that a 3year old single child will most probably be a bit less inclined to group activities then children who has siblings and who grows up with sibling who is basically forced to share.

I would also suggest that you give it some time, and keep in mind that he is only 3.

We have a friend with son who, since I can remember has never at any party or braai played with other children, he would arrive and all the children would be playing and going wild but he would take out his blanket and sit playing on his own, if anyone would come close he would get up climb on to his mom's lap and spend the rest of the night right there. He turned 5 in December and all of a sudden he started chatting to every one and like the Africaans people like to say "kom uit sy dop". We where at a braai the other day and when he arrived he called all the kids and asked if they would come play with him.

I totally agree with Marijke. My girl 3 years and 9 months is exactly the same, she is very reserved but I can see that she is starting to be more open with strangers.
I also think it is an age thing, I can see it has already improved and I am sure by the time she is 4 she will be much better with new situations too.

I am really glad I read that book from Hettie Britz about the different personalities for children. I didn't like all her parenting advice though her summaries of the various personalities was very insightful. I made peace with my introverted child who doesn't like new situations/people and understand that she needs more time to warm up than more outgoing children. Luckily her teacher is not worried about her as well and
she is accepted in a warm loving environment given space to grow at her own pace.

I had the same experience last year. I was told they did a group thing where everyone had to get up one at a time and tell the group their name and something else and when she got up she started crying. The 'teacher' was very "yeah, so we decided that we had to do that activity more to get her better with speaking to a group"

Uhm, I'm sorry, she's 3 (well 3y7m now) perhaps she's just a naturally shy child, which she is and has always been. If she would have been destined to be a public speaker she would have been more a little performer from birth, or perhaps it will come later. She will hide under the table if strangers walk into our house. My brother in law said it is because she's been shielded at home for the first 15 months. You know what, crap. I took her out at the end of last year and she is now home permanently.

And you know what, the last time a stranger came to our house it took 3 minutes before she came out and today she told her dad to give her space because she wanted to give the bananas to the guy in the store to weigh it and he had to stand to the side. And she has started greeting strangers. And it had nothing to do with daycare. She saw us doing it, over and over again and nothing happened, so she gained the confidence she needed in her own time.

I'd say give it time. If they push it you might have to put your foot down. Pushing it could have a life long impact on them now. I have a friend with a nearly 4 year old and when you described your son I saw her son. He is exactly the same and I told her she needed to keep her eye on him, he needs her more now than she realises.

Hi Juno,

Sounds to me he is just the "type" to do stuff on his own sometimes. I find that many teachers do not consider that not all children are the same and some prefer group activities while others don't. I mean, we all have different personalities, don't we?

Of course, there are not a lot of kids your son's age (he's 3 now, isn't he?) who are able to concentrate on one thing for a long time and do quiet activities on their own. In my humble opinion, however, this can be interpreted as a sign for high intelligence rather than behavioural "problem"?!

Maybe chat to your paed about it and ask him for his professional opinion, if you are unsure.

I got my 3yr old son’s monthly report on Friday and have been told that he finds structured activities a challenge and does not like participating in group activities. He’ll inevitably loose interest, get up and do his own thing and won’t go and join in again when asked to. He is happiest left to his own devices - quite capable of keeping himself occupied for ages.

I had a chat with the teacher who has suggested we take him to see an OT just to see whether this is a behavioural problem. I’m really worried it’s something we’re “teaching” him at home. He is an only child so only has us to “learn” from.

Any thoughts?