Removing comfort items from 2 1/2 yr old

Just a quick update. He is doing brilliantly! Im so impressed He hasnt even once asked for his doedoe!! I still cant believe it and its very weird... normally he would immediately at bed time ask for it!!?? Ah well His dummy he has asked for a few times, and then we just say he cant have it, he then throws a bit of a tantrum or cries a bit and then gets over it like within 2 mins!! No real drama And he has been sleeping WAY better than normal. Also it seems like he has become much more aware of us and communicating with us about stuff. So Im a very happy mommy to a super cute and brave little boy Thanks for everyone's amazing support and advice! Much appreciated!! xxx

I am so glad to hear it is going great!!

I agree with you about the fact that if the comfort objects interfere to a level that neither he or the family can operate comfortably it is a problem.

Let us know how it goes! x

Aw Thanks so much for all that wonderful advice Gloeiwurmpie.

He is doing better than I expected.. He slept through!! And up to now hasnt once asked for his doedoe.. which is very strange.. but Im happy for that. He has asked for his dummy earlier this morning (I think he saw his brother's) and then I just distracted him by taking him outside to ride on his scooter. He also cried for milk and dummy in the car but settled for his blanket and sippy cup. So far so good I guess.. We are giving him loads of love and attention and fun playtimes, so I think he doesnt need the comfort of something else, rather have it from his parents.

I should actually have posted this earlier.. and read your advice earlier.. but hubby is set in it now.. also I think if I give the things now we are undoing the bit of progess we have made. But it makes SO MUCH sense what you say about explaining the bed=dummy thing, and have your child go to cot for soothing when needed. That is really great, I think you did well on that one. Ill do that with little Reuben when time gets there.

And yes I agree to that at age 2 they dont really play with friends, especially same age friends.. but his behaviour is def worse when he has his comfort items with him, normally if he is without them he would atleast attempt for a while to play catcher or something

Thanks again for the super advice, its much appreciated! xxx

Sorry, still wanted to add....

I wouldn't take away the night-time bottle and the day-time dummy at the same time. THat is just too much for anyone to adjust to!? Maybe start with the night time bottle and once she is settled then tackle the dummy. I can't imagine how hectic it would be if someone told me they are taking my bed and my bath away in one day!! I would loose it!!!

best of luck. xx

(ps: Kimika, I remember you from PF, you always gave me great advice!)

Kimika, I hear what you are saying about not willing to give the security items up.
This is really tough. I only had the dummy war where my LO insisted on having the dummy the whole time 4 monhts ago.

I don't want to give you unwanted advice, but if you don't mind, I am going to speak my thoughts, also to try and understand this whole situation of the security objects for myself.

I can understand that a child who walks around with a bottle of milk/juice during the day will cause tooth decay and prolonged sucking might even prevent speech.
A bottle during the night is also not ideal and would get rid of this like you are trying now. This is not good and I think this should not be allowed and the parent needs to explain to the child that the bottle is only for milk before naptime and then it is "finished and klaar". I know this will not be easy to take away, but a necesary task to do.

Then the dummy the same, a firm boundary needs to be put in (in a loving way ).
In my opinion a dummy at naptime is acceptable. Putting this boundary in is really dificult, we had tantrums and fights over this for about 2 weeks. I wasn't consistent in when she is allowed to use the dummy and this created a power struggle. What I did was to explain to her that the dummy is only for when she is lying in the cot. cot = dummy. If she needs some quiet time to calm down or soothe, she can lie in her cot with the dummy. THat I allow. I also allow the dummy in the car if she is extremely tired and past bedtime. Once I started being firm with this boundary (cot = dummy) things improved within 2 days. She understood what I meant and accepted this "deal" we made. In the beginning she asked me that she wants to lie in her cot for a while with the dummy when she was a bit crancky. She would lie there for a half an hour or so. Then she would call me and hand me the dummy and say when wants to go and play. This has been working great for us. I also think it is good at this age that she has a safe spot where she can go for a "chosen time-out" untill she feels better again. This is a good habit that I am teaching her, something most adults even struggle with. (The ability to know when you need to "calm down/soothe" from turbulent emotions). This strategy works for us, I am not saying that it will be the same for another child.

As for the doe-doe blanket/soft toy: Surely this holds no physical damage to the child? I know of many children who carries around a beloved comfort item for years to come. My SIL has a little girl who carries around an old nighty of her mom. (to the moms embarresment). I wouldn't take away a childs blanket/soft toy at an early age. I would hope that they would outgrow it before highschool though!

What I did find useful when she would cry for her dummy during the day, I would try and focus her attention on something else. I know at this age it gets more difficult, but it does help. I would also hold her close and give her her soft bunny to comfort her. I would go and play outside with her or even put on her favourite program for a while. I think you might need a bag of tricks ready for these dificult moments. (clay, paint, and other fun acitivities.).

As to what you said about him not wanting to play because of his clingy-ness to his comfort objects. I can understand your concern, but as far as I can understand at age 2 they only ""play next to other children" and not with other children as much. Only at age 3 they acitively start "building friendships" with other kids. At age 3 I would have been worried about your mentioned behaviour, but not at age 2 years and 4 months. What I have read is that some children are more resevered at this age and it is ok, they are still very young.

That being said, I would encourage to take the daytime dummy away and bottles, but I would keep the doe-doe blanket and soft toy.

THis is just my opinion and I know that everyones situation is different.

This is really hectic stuff. I thought I was gonna loose it when we had our "dummy war". But now that she understands the boundaries (and she still has acceptable soothing objects/habits that is allowed) she is MUCH calmer and happy! I hope it can work out for you as well. xx

Well done Kimika, hope the rest of the night went well with your little one!

Thanks ladies for all your input.

If I could have my own way I would not remove his items.. agreed the milk can go.. but the other I would prefer to keep for him for bedtime. But like Vix said, it just cant stay at bedtime only, he keeps on tagging the whole lot around all day, everywhere we go. As soon as we get in the car he insists on having them... that is: his bottle of milk, dummy, doedoe and his huge blanket. So now his dad has decided that he is almost the only boy we know that tags along all those things all day long and they need to go. I agree with him, we need to at some stage make a move towards seperating his clinging to these items. Thank goodness his dad is his absolute hero, and he is booked off from work for a few days so he is around now to help with the "adjustment".

Gloeiwurmpie, you are not stirring In fact I always say to people who ask me when we are taking away his dummy that if it bothers them they need to look away. It doesnt really bother me. But it is interfering with him being a social happy little boy. We visited with a friend the other day and instead of playing with the little girl he kept moaning for his dummy and doedoe and then continued sitting on the floor sulking all the time.

Someone else mentioned that the parents need to be ready, I think that is the biggest obsticle here.. I dont think IM ready to give up his little comforts.. (I want to cry just thinking about packing them away) Its such a big part of him, his little doedoe that the carries along everywhere and then rubs the tag on the back while he makes those funny sleepy noises.. he even lets me rub the thing sometimes Mabye its just me trying to keep him tiny? Im hiding my feelings from him, no use I get all emotional when he might be getting along fine without them!

Tonight was the first session without .. but I did give him a bottle with water ( I know he will drop that soon) and also gave him his big sleeptime blanket. So what he went without is the dummy and doedoe elephant He did better than I thought.. just a bit of a cry .. Well actually I was hiding in the bathroom and only heard a few wimpers, lets see how the rest of the night goes.

Aaaii, who ever said raising kids was going to be easy??

Oh and as for the thumb sucking.. Im one of 4 kids, my only brother never sucked thumb. I sucked a while but stopped at prob age 5 or so. My older sis and youngest sis bothes sucked to about age 7-9 years Im the only one that had braces