Choosing godparents/legal gaurdians

This also caused a bit of tension in my family, but thankfully not for long.

we chose my mom as Emily's legal gaurdian after dh and I had a lengthy discussion about this. His parents were obviously not thrilled. We chose her for a number of reasons:

1) She looks after Emily and will continue to look after her in the afternoons even when she goes to school as I never want her to spend full days away from home. So, she is already very attached to my mom.
2) My mom does not have any other responsibilities really - she is single and my youngest brother is 22 at the moment so it's not as if she has anyone else to consider.
3) My mom would be able and willing to pack up and move into our home if anything happened to dh and I. We would make sure that the financially she is able to support herself and Emily and Emily would not need to be uprouted to another home, school, etc.
4) I was very adamant that if anything happened to both dh and I, I did not want Emily or any other children of mine to become part of another family. i.e go to someone who has children of their own. Some people might feel that this is better for the kids, I just feel that if anything had happened to my mom while we were young, I would not want to be forced to be part of another family and have to fit in with their way of doing things.
5) My mom is youngish (52), so she will hopefully be around for a while to come. She is also a young 52 so much so that JULZ's dh thought she was my sister when he met her

But, I agree, definitely a hard decision to make and not something that one wants to think about. But, the sooner you make the decision and sort of "forget about it", the better.

Thanks for your reply Marijke. It helps me to know that maybe we could consider doing it like you have described.

Thanks for sharing... this is tricky stuff.

My sister and her husband drafted a will when their first child was born and my husband and I only later found out (5 - 6 years down the line they let us read theirs as an example of what ours should look like) that we were their childrens legal guardians should something happen to both of them. We were never asked and the other way around also (my children will go to my sister - she's married to my husbands brother) we never asked them.

But lets say for example that something did happen to them before we knew that we were the 'godparents' it would have been fine by me and if they didn't nominate someone in their will then I would have raised my hand to do it without thinking about it because I see them as my own flesh and blood. Even if I end up having 20 children there would always be a place for them (same with my other sisters 2 boys)

I guess I see it as my duty towards my sister(s) and I would expect the same from them.

Me too! Sadly this has to be dealt with at some stage hey.

Oh, no Julz. I am so sorry to hear.

This is really sensitive stuff. When you discuss these matters with family, people tend to see your choice as a type of expression of how much you love them in percentage and not as a logical decison considering certain important factors regarding your child's future.
Sometimes family see it as a deep form of rejection if you don't choose them, which it is not. Maybe people see it as the ultimate insult or compliment.

My own family doesn't even know about our choice (currently my husband's sister), because I know all hell will break loose as well.

I actually just wish we could choose someone (without asking them whether if they are willing) and should the day come that the testament might be read, it all comes as a surprise to everyone and they can all fight about our choice. All the family politics around this decision just makes me want to run away.

Your thread had me thinking about this as my family are all in the uk and we are not sure he will be better off in th Uk. Needless to say I chatted to my mom about it and all hell broke loose so yes very tricky subject.


Part of the message is hidden for the guests. Please log in or register to see it.
Basically I feel that you need to decide who would best raise your child according to your ideals. This may be a friend or a family member but one thing is certain. Someone is going to possibly be hurt by it. Or at least in my case they seem to have been and we have not even decided yet.

Sadly my chat to my mom raised all other issues and we are no longer talking.

Yes, grim it is indeed.

I am not up to speed with the finer details of the arangements.
Ok, so once you have decided that the originally chosen gaurdians are not the best choice anymore, you simply tell them, thank you, but it's not going to work and then move onto the next couple who seems suitable and then ask them and make the amendments to the will....?

Can't you just leave a list of people you feel will be okay to do the job and let them decide if it comes to that???

Thanks for the input ladies, will have a talk with my husband about the matter.