Choosing godparents/legal gaurdians

This is quite an emotional decision, when it really should be "cold and clinical" - and we have revised ours 3 times.

We have opted not to use family as, in our opinion, there was no one in our family who mirrored our views, values and what we were able to offer our children.

We have opted to approach friends (H&C) in all three cases we revised our will/testaments regarding this issue.

Our first friend (H&C) (UK Based) has now had 3 children of his own, and though we feel very close to them and feel that they would give our children what we would (if we were there) we also think that 6 children might be a challenge for anyone.

However that being said they take thier responsibility very seriously - they are pretty serious people and have a bank account set up in the UK for Connor and put money in there every birthday/xmas/lent or what ever.

When we got married last year we redrafted our wills/testaments and approached a couple (L&J) who we are good friends with - should anything happen to the both of us, then they as a couple will take over as guardianship for our kids.

I do think that many members of our family might be hurt and put out, but at the same time, it is actually not about them.

Clearly I hope that if we were gone our guardians and family would sort themselves out to find an amicable way ahead, regarding visits and keeping up family links.

Legally we know where the kids will go and from a policy point of view they would not be a financial burden on the "guardians."

But it is all a pretty grim discussion to have .......

Thank you for your insights, you are both making very valid points.

Yes, my husband has life cover, although I am not sure if it would pay out to our children in case of death of both parents. I must actually double check on this. In case of death everything we own goes towards our child. I am not sure how much it costs to raise a child up to 18 years of age. will have to look into this.

The reasons for deciding on my husband's sister and husband is that they are happily married, financially stable, same moral values and religion, her grandparents also stays in Canada close by to my husband's sister. (although she doesn't know them well either).

I think proximity is important, but only if your kids are going to get food on the table. Touch wood this never happens, but in the event that you and your partner die, your children are going to be going through huge emotional turmoil. To then add moving countries, schools and living with people that they barely know etc.. to the list would be quite hard on them. That said, if you dont have anyone close by thats in a position to care for them financially then its probably better.
Do you have any life policies to be paid out on your death? You could arrange for those to go into a trust to be used only for childcare by your nominated guardians which would help ease financial pressures?

We chose my one sister over my husbands sister based on the fat that my sister in law lives in London and has a completely different lifestyle to us. I want to know that my children are raised in an environment as similar to the one that we live in.

Hi Gloeiwurmpie.

1stly please dont feel like you being high and mighty, i feel totally the same over my girls as you do.

Ive got 2 girls and since we've lived in Durban for most of their life, and only recently moved to Cape Town, they've spent most of their time with my family(my husband is from Cape Town), so they are sooo used to being around my mum, and only brother, his wife and 3 children whom one is already married.

Ive always said that if something should happen to us my children will then be looked after by my brother , who adores them as his own. I also have taken into account the family that they are most used to being around and feel comfortable with , this for me is so important as if something happended to us , that will be 1stly such a tragedy for them to go through and then for them to move to someone they hardly know will make it even harded for them, so i suggest you see who your LO is most used to seeing and being around , this will be particularly important as he/she gets older as they more familiar with people around them and who's who.

Also a major factor is financial stability and moral standards, of which my brother is extremely financially stable so he would be able to give the best to my children and grow them up with the similar lifestable we provide them with , him and his wife have also grown their own children with the same morals as we have ours so living under those rules in there house will be fine for my girls, they just as strict as we are etc, this is also important as some people are stricter or more leniant with growing up children then others might be, so someone with similar morals ,living standards as you also might be important.

Also other children might be a factor as a too young couple who havent had kids and might be starting their own family might not be as good of a bet as a slightly more mature family, as "sibling rivalry" should i call it and differences in the way your child and their children might be treated.

hope ive given some decent views

Z xx

We have drawn up a testament/will for myself and husband together. We have decided about 2 years ago that should something happen to us both that my LO will go to my husband's sister and husband in Canada. We asked them whether if they would take on the role of legal gaurdians should something happen to us. They gladly accepted and takes the matter seriously.
Recently it started bothering me whether if we made the right decision to ask them. Two things bothered me.

1. We have been having some friction with them the past year or so. For those that have family abroad, might now of the pressures and tension around the usual "when are you coming to visit" us halfway around the world and the various guilt trips that goes with this. We still would like to talk to them about these frictions. but what also bothers me is....

2. Is it wise to send my child/children to a foreign country to people who she doesn't know? (We don't see them often and they haven't even seen our LO since birth?) I have read that one should choose legal gaurdians that are involved in your child's life. She only knows them as the people who stay inside the computer screen (through skype).

What I would like to know is what were the reasons for picking the legal gaurdians you have chosen in order of importance, like for instance: Financial stability, religious/political views, closeness (in km) to other family members like cousins/aunts/uncles or happily married couples?

All the other alternative people I can think of have something that complicates the choice like financial instability, extreme political views, unstable marriages. It sounds as if I am high and mighty, but I seriously don't know who I could ask.

Maybe I am putting to much thought into this, because once we are dead I can't control what should happen to my children or what? Ideally I wished there could be a "board" of people who has my child's best interest at heart and rationally decide where would be the best place for her to go say for instance after our passing?

I would love to have your input. thank you in advance.