Good book about understanding Toddlers?

Lori F I can relate. Dylan screamed for 2 hours in the car as a baby!

Dylan is a very strong willed child. I have worked really hard with my psychologist who has done infant psychology and Dylan and I have done play therapy together so I really do understand that it isn't easy.

I am no saint and on a bad day when I am tired or ill I just can't remain calm. I really can't and I do shout at Dylan and I pretty much get the same response back.

I just wanted to share the fact that Dylan has gone from a child that bit me and slapped me hard with toys drawing blood on a few occasions to a far more even tempered child just through me talking to him and showing him that I understand his frustration.

Did you guys read that post that Yaz put up here a while back. It must be so flipping stressful and frustrating to be a toddler. If someone kept taking things away from me all the time and forcing me to sit where I didn't want to sit then I would also throw a hissy fit.

And for the Moms of kids who are 18 months old, we too couldn't go to eat out cause Dylan was like a little Devil running around and throwing things, BUT keep on talking to them and as they start to understand you it gets easier I promise.

Shame I feel for you because what you have now I struggled with a 6 months ago and you can read all the books you like, but as with all things with kids time is what they need. In time they understand and you can reason with them and then you can start bribing them.

Charnenay Ethan showed his personality when he was weeks old!!
I remember the first time I went out with him on my own. I went to visit my cousin who lived quite a distance from us (this is Jhb - where things are not just round the corner as in CT ). On the way back (sitting in his car seat) he started crying, which soon turned into full-blown screaming. He kept that up for the entire 40 minutes it took me to get home. So guess who never even thought about using the "crying out" technique

Julz remaining calm does (sometimes) work - Mariebiscuit I find that it works better now that Ethan is getting older. The big challenge for me is to remain calm myself. Its hard when you are stressed out, or already angry at someone (i.e. your partner), or pre-menstrual or whatever the thing maybe that gets you riled up as an adult. The other night Ethan through a wobbly because he looked out the window and it was dark - he did not want it to be dark... seriously! Now on a good day (for me) I will smile (inwardly) and calmy tell him I know his angry that it is dark and he cannot play outside and then I will try and get his attention onto something else. This require major personal energy. On a bad day I just do not have that energy and may end up walking away or worse case scenario shouting at him

Has anyone of you read the "strong-willed child" that twinbee refers to?

Julz, I understand what you're saying. But for the past 4 months (since I bought Between Parent and Child) I've been telling Migs that I understand her feelings blablabla...it doesn't stop her from screaming and throwing herself on the floor.
Instead she will try to hit me in the face, or turn away from me and scream even louder if I try to talk with her. And I really can't see the sense in it to sit there for 10-15 minutes with Migs screaming at the top of her voice and me trying to talk calmly to her..not working!! After 4 months I really think an improvement would have shown!

When she's older, yes, then it might work. Now it isn't. I need something else.

Charnenay, I remember how shocked I was to see Mig's throwing a 'whatever-it's-called' at 9 months!! She started showing her frustration then already and she's still going strong. haha

Twinbee, will have a look at those books you suggested, thanks!

LoriF I think I'll get the Spirited child next. Migs can't sit still for a second. If we're in the shops, she wants to run around or at least jump up and down in the trolley. She doesn't eat in restaurants, too much to do there!

Marilu, your child is not too young to be told that you understand that she is upset. Now is the time when you need to acknowledge her feelings. If she is having them, then she needs that understanding.

The way to get her to calm down is for you to show restraint and to be calm and I think what BP&C teaches is to talk to your child calmly even when they are in the worst tantrum known to man.

Dylan used to scream and when I started sitting next to him and calmly telling him that it was okay to be angry but to calmly say that it wouldn't change, just my calmness alone relaxed him.

The person he trusts most in the world was there for him when he felt really bad and sad and that is what it is all about.

Between birth and age 2 is where the child learns to trust the parents which is the groundwork for your relationship with your child into adulthood. They need to be told that even when they are angry that you are there for them at any age.

The other issue is that parents always say my child is too young, but we don't really know when exactly they have understanding of what it is we are saying so why no start early anyway incase they do understand you and I can assure you at her age she understands you very well.

hmmmm - think I'm going to have to start reading these books as well. My 10 mnth old has become so stubborn lately. Last night we tried to go out and 10 minutes into the evening, I looked at dh and said: "how on earth did we become the couple with a child they can't take anywhere!?". I can only imagine that it's going to get worse as we go into the toddler years.

My babes are almost six months but my mom gave me a copy of THE MIGHTY TODDLER by robin barker before they were born. Apparently the Strong-willed child by dr james dobson is also very good*

Sorry you mentioned sleep problems - both address the issue. But its fortunately not much of an issue anymore for us