Jealous toddler

That's great bunnyhugger!
Also really good and helpful to witness so you can try and recreate some of the things she did in future.

The night terrors, grinding teeth, acting aggressively to mother and teacher all sound like he is highly stressed. He needs a release.
One of the best ways to release stress is through crying - having a really good cry with someone who loves you and let's you cry in the safety of their company. But another great release that works almost as well is laughter. It also helps the body rid itself of the stress hormones. You are probably unable to facilitate the necessary kind of crying he needs, but maybe you could think of some fund games/activities (not tickling) that might get him laughing when you're all together?

Thanx Mommies for all the helpful advice! I know he is going through a difficult time. He is also aggressive towards his mother and just the other day kicked his kindergarten teacher. He also has night terrors and grinds his teeth so I am guessing there are a few issues at hand which is why I am careful in interfering.....I know one day I will have to deal with similar issues when my LG reaches that age and maybe a good thing to witness it through another child so I can be somewhat "prepared". Yesterday there was another family gathering and his other granny, who lives quite far away also came to visit. Whenever he reacted negatively towards my LG, she would always step-in and actively show him how to share etc. She did it in such a nice way that he was happy to co-operate. I made a few mental notes for myself The entire time spent there was with minimal "bullying" and I think that was due to his granny giving him some guidance and the two played quite nicely at times, which was wonderful to see!

My son is 3 years old so I'm speaking from that perspective.

A lot of the behaviour from the 3 year old IS quite normal for the age. I know from my own son (who is an only child), when other children come to play he often will say "no, don't play with that" or tell them not to come into his room etc (it depends on his mood. More often than not he will play really nicely with them).

That being said though, you never have to just accept another child bullying or hurting your child. That sort of behaviour is never acceptable. It might be somewhat normal of the age, but it doesn't make it acceptable. If the parents of the child are not stepping in to redirect his behaviour and show him appropriate ways to interact with your child, then you are definitely within your rights to. Obviously you can't punish the child etc, but you can definitely redirect / explain / teach.

So what I personally would do is if your child is playing with a toy, and he comes and grabs it, I would firmly (though never hard enough to inflict pain) take his arm with one hand, get down to his level, look him in the eye, and whilst you take the toy back with the other hand say to him "LO is still playing with this. When she is done then you can have a turn. Thank you for waiting your turn". Then go back to your child and give her the toy. And say to her "I see you were still busy playing with this when XYZ took it from you. It's not nice to grab. When you're done playing let's go give it to him so he can also have a turn".

If he does things like pinching or kicking or even kicking motions in her direction then again, get down on his level, look him in the eye (possibly even put one hand on his shoulder) and say "I will not let you hurt LO. Is there something you would like to talk about?" or "I will not let you hurt LO, would you like to come and play over here?" or something like that.
It lets him know his behaviour is not acceptable, but also that you see him there. That you know he is still there and that he's not being forgotten.

Chances are he is really struggling emotionally since the birth of his brother. He's not getting the attention he is used to, and he doesn't know how to deal with all these big feelings buliding up inside his body. The best way to deal with it is to let him know he is still important, and that his feelings do matter. Even if they're bad feelings. All feelings matter and are important.
So try to guide him into better ways to express those feelings. Lashing out and hurting gets immediate attention. It doesn't make it right. Try to show him different ways to express himself.

It would also be an interesting experiment to try, whenever you get together with them, as soon as you arrive go find him, get down to his level, give him a big hug and say "oh i'm so glad to see you! I missed you!" or something nice and positive like that. It might just be the key.

Hi,

Let me start by saying I'm a nice person. Really.

That said, I protect my LG (now 3 years old) over and above anyone's feelings. If another child does something to her that I think is unacceptable, I say so. Our nephew is 4 years older than our LG, and could be a little rough with her at times. I always just said (in a calm voice): please don't do that, she's still little. I never waited for his mom to talk to him, whether she was present or not.

I don't think it's my place to discipline him or threaten punishment, but nothing stops me from talking to him and telling him off when he deserves it. Obviously you can't nag over everything either, but you are well within your rights to protect your child when you think it's necessary.

Chances are excellent that your daughter will also bite or hurt someone one day, the intention is not always to be vicious (although you may feel like it now because your child is the one being bullied). But it's up to you to then discipline her appropriately.

I have no answers but would also love to hear other ladies' inputs. My LG (2,5 years old) is in nursery school, and there is a little boy in her class who acts in very much the same way towards her, as well as some of the other toddlers. The teacher also reprimands him, but it does not seem to make a difference. Both my husband and myself have concluded that there may be some issues at his home, or that he feels threatened for some other reason.

Last week he rode my little girl down on his little scooter bike, just as my husband arrived to pick her up, and then turned around and rode over her bag. This was not the first time we have noticed him acting like this towards her. My husband gave him a very, VERY stern talking to, in a very stern voice (the same voice he uses with our Rottweiler male when he gets out of hand ) and the little boy ran crying to the teacher. I'm not sure if his reprimand was frowned upon by the teacher or not, but she seems to have her hands full with this kid too. We haven't had any problems since.

My conclusion is, perhaps some kids are just brats (due to circumstances) and that parents should be on the lookout for hurtful behaviour, and deal with it decisively. If I notice something like this again directed at my child, I will definitely use my "Rottweiler voice" to reprimand. I am supposed to be my child's protector after all.

With in-laws it is obviously a different situation, but is it possible for you to speak very seriously to the parents about your feelings and concerns? At some point some discipline is going to be needed for their son. He is a bully!

sjoe, this is a really difficult situation. and no matter how you deal with it you will be unpopular with the inlaws.
big hug to you

sounds like he is not getting any discipline at home, and as difficult as it is, you cannot discipline someone else's child

i myself have not yet been through it as my lb is only 1. but i would be extremely unhappy about it. 1 because he is bully'ing your lg and the bigger he gets the more intense it will become (in my UNprofessional opinion) 2. she will get to a stage where she might get afraid of him and family get togethers might get very awful for her and for you and 3. this is the example she sees, once she gets to that terrible 2 stage, she might mimic him and thing can escalate to the extreme (i'm stating worst situation here, it might not be that bad though)

it is sooo difficult with family as they are much more touchy. maybe its time to have a very serious family meeting with your hubby and his parents first. it will be pointless to include your SIL in such a meeting as it will just lead to a fight as it is obvious that she does not see your problem.

to protect my child i would seriously consider to only visit his parents if they are not there - even if it is just for a while so that lo can start feeling safe there and also get some attention from her grandparents. this might also get the message across to your SIL.
might be a win win situation - when your lg is not there he will act out on his little brother, then they will see the seriousness of the situation.

regarding your lg, i do not think that she will act the same when other siblings/cousins arrive. sounds like you are doing a great job teaching her discipline and you will prepare her well for a sibling.

Hi Mommies!

I am hoping someone could help me with a toddler dilemma......

As I am a first time mum, my LO is 15 months old, I am a little clueless when it comes to toddlers so a bit of advice would be appreciated

My brother-in-law has two sons, aged 3 and 7 months. The eldest is the first grandchild from both parents side and, understandably very much dotted on. Not even when my daughter was born, did any attention divert from him (that is a story all on its own!). Only when their second son was born, did my in-laws start paying attention to my LO and of course the newborn. Ever since then, the eldest has become quite nasty towards my LO. Whenever we are around, he will constantly tell her "no", "don't touch that", "don't sit there" etc. He will even snatch things out of her hand and it goes on and on and on. It breaks my heart for her. I think she understands a great deal more than people think. At times my LO gets frustrated and will lash out at him at which point I immediately intervene and tell her that hitting/pinching hurts and she mustn't hurt him. However, I feel it is also not fair to reprimand her when he is allowed to "harass" her. The family do reprimand him....but from a distance. They will say, from wherever they are seated "please share and be nice" but no-one will actually go up to him and speak to him and show him how to share and play together or why his behaviour is hurtful. Or am I wrong in thinking he is old enough for that? They simply make a comment and leave it at that and he will continue telling my LO "No". He probably feels very threatened and I always make a point of praising him when he does something nice for her like bringing her teddy but I will never leave the two out of sight. If he thinks no-one is watching, he will throw things at her or make kicking motions directed at her. When I tell him not to hurt her, his mother will ask me what he did and then just sigh and roll her eyes......I know they do have a bit of issues with him and as I am still to go through the "terrible twos" I would like to know if I perhaps am being unrealistic/unfair ? Is this completely normal behaviour? I am terrified that my LO will react the same once more cousins arrive or a sibling one day......