Teens and sex

I agree with Julz here (even though I definitely think you can be proud of yourself, Butterflies). From my own experience and having worked in the HIV/ health sector long enough, I can tell you that if they want to have sex, they will. I see a lot of children having children at the hospital, some of the 'mommies' started being sexually active as early as 11! In my opinion, openness about sex and education are key! I want my daughter to know her body and be confident about what she wants and does not want (not only sex related). Building up their self esteem is the greatest gift we can give our kids and it also helps prevent abuse. I am going to start sexual education at home as soon as my LG is going to start asking questions - there are lots of lovely books for children on that topic. The earlier you start the more time you have to get your message across.

Butterflies - I think its great that you have an open relationship like that with your girls!! I hope I have the same with Emily.

That being said, I do agree with 1 thing that Julz has said - when children are too restricted, they do sometimes go behind your back and you don't want that. So balance is good.

My mom was VERY leniant with us and because I was "allowed" to pretty much do what I wanted, it took most of the appeal away and as a result I was a very good girl

I have a slightly different view when it comes to sex. Speak to your kids. educate and support them. I want my kids to know that should they have sex (hopefully not too young) they will use protection (I will leave a supply for them at home) and should they get into trouble that they can count on us as parents to support them.

Fact is kids are having sex younger these days (we did too) and from my experience as a teenager I realise that it was more often than not the kids who were very restricted who landed up pregnant.

Kids that couldn't see boys would meet up with them in the park etc. Kids have sex in shopping centre toilets these days. Quite the norm.

I am sad that I advanced sexually at such a young age. Not ideal, but I don't think it was due to my parents being relaxed about such things at all.

Thanks ladies - one girl goes as far as saying to them, why does you mother keep you on a leash ........ and then I think well look at you - you are 16 and not a virgin 10 times over and have a really crap reputation at at school, treat your parents like crap and have no respect for yourself - and then I look at my girls and think - Gee I wonder who is right

Juandre - its hard to say when to talk about the sex thing to your kids, but you will find that she probably does know quite a bit. We have let the girls lead the conversation at times and then just guide them from there. Hope that helps. Maybe some other mommies can give input on how they told their kids

Butterflies I think you are doing a great job. My mom was very strict with us and my friend how's moms were not were always making fun of us. I didn't like it at times, but now I'm glad that she was that way. I've already said that our LB will not sleep at other people, DH disagree but I'll cross the bridge when we there. I remember that my mom only let us sleep next door - the lady was a spinster and VERY strict. It was my then best friends godmother so I was allowed that. We had to be home by 10:30 or she will come looking for you. I hated that!!!

Till this day when it is 10:30 and I'm at somebodies house I start getting "miere" and just want to leave.

It is awful how young these kids are when they have sex... They dont have all the information and are so not ready emotionally. They all seem worried about not falling pregnant- that can be dealt with via adoption or even abortion. But HIV cant and they dont seem to get this.

Both my parents died when my baby brother was in high school so he came to live with my husband and I. We were very strict on him and he hated it at times. He made arrangements as soon as he had finished school to move in with my other brother who he knew wouldnt be as strict. Well needless to say after a year there he saidhe misses it with us and would love to move back.
He is now 20 and is living with his 19 year old girl friend. I dont approve as I fel they are too young for this sort of commitment as well as me being worried that she falls pregnant and they both have to stop their studies. But he is of age now and I just try to guide him and be there for him.

You are doing a great job Butterflies. I plan to be the same with my girls as my parents were with me. My eldest daughter is nine and her friends are always welcome at our home but she only goes to a select few. My question to you is- when do I tell her about sex? She recently asked me how do you fall pregnant and I wasnt sure how to answer so I avoided it.

:ohmy :

On Sunday when we were at the shops my 14 year old decided to ask me why I am so strict with them. They are only allowed to have a boyfriend from the age of 16 and only allowed out in groups. They are not allowed to sleep out, if friends want to they can sleep at our house. My 16 year old's curfew is 10 - take it or leave it. She takes it

Anway I told her that I do it because I love them and want to protect them and lead them on the right path ....... well an acceptable path at least.

This lead to a conversation about one of her friends who I dont approve of. I got so caught up and told her well your friend - lets call her sarah - will pobably be pregnant by the time she is 16. My daughter took me in confidence and told me that "Sarah" decided to sleep with her boyfriend two weeks ago !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! - she isi 14 years old. They are not concerned cause they used the pull out method. I took the opportunity when we got home to explain "pre-ejaculation" to the girls and it is possible, very possible to fall pregnant and that there is a certain few days between you period that you are most fertile and the easiest time to fall pregnant. They did not know this either. Well they nearly fell over backwards.

Then my 16 year old goes on to tell me that one girl in her school, not a friend, but an acquantance had sex with 5 boys over the school holidays and is now worried that she may be pregnant ..................... maybe you need to worry about STDs and AIDS ??????

Well on a good note, my 16 year old also told me that yesterday a Grade 11 girl came up to her and told her that she has so much respect for her, cause she has a great reputation with the kids (especially the boys) and teachers at school, she is a virgin and a good church going girl and when she says she will do something she sticks to it. My response "THANK YOU MOMMY, ALTHOUGH YOU ARE SO STRICT WITH US, EVEN THOUGH WE SOMETIMES THINK YOU ARE SUCH A BITCH YOU MUST BE DOING SOMETHING RIGHT "