NOT MARRIED, SURNAME OF MY BABY?

Hi Smurfie. Baie geluk met jou swangerskap. Kom ek vertel jou my storie. Ek was ook 26 toe Kayla gebore was. Ek en haar pa was nie regtig saam nie, maar toe sy gebore was het ek geweet daar gaan niks long term nothing wees nie, so ek het glad nie sy besonderhede eens op haar geboorte sertifikaat ingevul nie en sy het my van gekry. Wel hy was in ons lewe vir 6 weke en is toe weg. Weet glad nie waar hy is nie. Anyways, ek is toe getroud 4 jaar later met 'n ander man en het nog 'n dogtertjie wat natuurlik my man se van het (en ook myne). Ek het nou probeer om Kayla se van na my getroude van toe te verander, maar dit gaan nou al vir meer as 2 jaar aan! As sy haar pa se van gehad het, sou ek dit omtrent glad nie kon verander nie! Dit hang natuurlik van jou situasie af, jou seuntjie se van kan altyd later verander word, veral as hy jou van het. Maar aan die ander kant, as jou seuntjie se pa betrokke gaan wees en altyd daar gaan wees vir hom al is julle nie saam nie en jy is OK daarmee, dan is sy van miskien beter, want al trou julle nie en julle breek op, dan gaan jy tien teen een eendag iemand ontmoet en jou van verander en dan sit jou seuntjie met jou ou van en soos in my geval is dit nie so maklik om dit te verander nie. Sterkte en moenie dat so iets jou swangerskap onaangenaam maak nie. Ek hoop dinge tussen julle twee werk uit.

I will spare you my Afrikaans because it will bring tears to your eyes.

Kennith and I planned to have a child after being together for +7 years.

For me it was clear that I was going to give this child my surname, but as the pregnancy progressed I realised that this was really going to be a problem for Kennith and he knew that the decision lay with me, and was not going to pressure me, but I knew that it would really "kill" him - especially when we realised the baby was a boy (boys and men and inheritance and passing on and all that).

After much soul searching I went with Kennith's surname, and used my surname as a 3rd name.

By the time we had a second baby it became an issue for me, as now I wanted to have my kids with my name, but clearly we were now at a juncture that I could not go back on.

It really was a huge issue for me and led to many fights - but it was a bit of closing the stable door when the horse had already fled.

I felt angry for giving in the first time, but we also were having other problems in our relationship, so this was just another one.

But I also had to look and think if I had not "given in" back then, what would it have said about the permanance of our relationship, and would it have lasted further?

16 years on, we have 3 children and I have used the same formula on all 3.

Kennith and I are getting married in July of this year, I am not sure if I will take his surname or keep my own - but for me the decision I made +8 years ago still was a good one.

However there are moms who have fallen out with thier parnters and are now due to marry anew and it now becomes an issue. Or they sit with more than one child with different surnames, which is really not great.

For your partner to put the baby on his name - as an unmarried couple - you will both have to go to the Dep. of Home Affairs and both sign the form infront of an officer.

If you put the baby only on your name now, your partner can put the baby on his name later - only with your written permission and the cost of a name change. (I do not think he actually adopts the child legally, it is just a name change, but you need to check thi with someone as I might have forgotten the way it works.)

Once the baby is on your partners name, you will never be able to change it without his written permission - which I doubt he will give.

Whether the child has his surname or not, the rights that he has to that child do not change.

It is a heavy decision, so give it some thought, especially in the context of where you and your partner are going with your relationship and how this baby will impact on it.

I hope that helps and does not confuse you.

Hello Mammas

Ek het dringend hulp en raad nodig:
Ek is 26 weke swanger met 'n baba seuntjie. Die beste ding wat ooit met my kon gebeur siende dokters almal gese het ek sal nie natuurlik kan kinders kry nie. Die probleem is ek is nie getroud nie, maar die pa en ek is al 3 jaar saam. Ons het verloof geraak toe ons van swangerskap uitvind. Daar is geen sprake van trou nie en soms gaan dit so sleg tussen ons dat ek nie weet of ek vir die res van my lewe saam hom wil wees nie. As ek wel van trou praat vermy hy die onderwerp heeltemal.
Ek dink vir die beste op die lange duur om boetie my van te gee. Het enige iemand vir my meer inligting of raad, ek voel so hulpeloos. Die pa gaan baie kwaad wees as baba nie sy van het nie. Enige iemand wat al deur die besluit is?