Hiya Im New to Moomie...

welcome to moomie

Hi NitaC: I posted on your other thread before reading this one.

Now I feel bad

Maybe you shoud copy this and post it on that other thread so people can have a background as to why you needed so much time (which u refer to a "confinement period)

Welcome to moomie. You will find a lot of support here and there is ALWAYS someone who knows EXACTLY what you are going though & you will often see someone say in response to a post "You have just described what I have been feeling for YEARS and just haven't been able to put into words."

Hope you enjoy chatting. Wishing you well.

Initially when we experience something traumatic we tend to not think about it. It is a natural response to protect ourselves when we need protection the most to get through the basic first stage which was to look after your child and recover. After that you ideally do need to face it because with everything in life, you can sweet it under the mat but the dirt remains there.

It doesn't mean that it always remains dirty. If you deal with the saddness you can begin to accept it. This is important should for a few reasons. Should you wish to have more children you will have to face the birth process and fear again. The bonding with your child may be an issue and you wouldn't even realise it so I do suggest you chat to someone about your birth. Your relationship with your partner may be at risk if you are so sad and lastly your self worth may be an issue later on.

What helped me alot was writting down the birth story. I wrote it out a few times. I have not published it here as it may be too scary for the preggy ladies, but you will see that each time you write it out, the feelings will change and become more positive.

The other thing which helped me alot and I know it has helped others was to actually go and see your gynae just for a chat. I did it at 9 months after Dylan's birth as I had questions that I felt needed answers. No blame. My gynae saved my life without a doubt and was amazing, but just to chat about it with him which made me feel better.

These days I can actually look back at Dylan's birth and see some positive aspects. I am not going to say that you and your baby are fine because that is a given and it used to annoy me when people said that. Little things though. The emergency c section was at 4 in the morning. It was my 8th surgery at this hospital which is always so busy yet it was so quite and nice. The only people that knew Dylan was on his way were N and I, Dylan of course and the few doctors and staff present. a very precious moment. My trauma was separate to the birth which was good. i got to feed him just before I got really sick. I can only have one child and it actually suits us just fine. Lots of things really that were not apparent at the time are now.

Hi NitaC - I am sorry your birth experience was not ideal and it was traumatic for you.

I do think you need to go and see someone - a therapist to work through your anger/regret/fear/distress that you are going through.

Becoming a mother is huge.

Becoming a mother and finding it traumatic and having to balance your hormones and your sleep deprivation against your brain that just appears to be functioning on a totally different level is very huge.

I really suggest you look around and find a good psychologist to go and chat to.

Often the noise in our head and hearts is so much louder if we do not find a way to get it out.

I wish you well, and I hope your journey is happier and easier for you.

I am so sorry to hear about your traumatic experience. I also wanted a natural birth... really really badly... This is our first child and I wanted it to be an amazing experience for all three of us... and it ended up in such a horrific experience...I was shaking and my teeth were shattering, my nerves were non existent. I was so afraid for myself and for her...Initially I was only planning on being confined for two weeks at most, but after her birth I took it day by day. I had to be strong for her, I had to take care of her and put her needs above my own. When I had to cry I let it all go out. It was very important for me to rather put my focus on her and to try to not think about the birth, which still makes me tearful. It's terrible to lie there in recovery and to not know what's going on with your child, when all you want to do is hold her and take care of her. I do feel like a victim but I try not to think about it, I do sometimes get a glimpse of the person I use to be, and the person I would like to become.

Hi Nita and welcome

A difficult birth is really hard to come to terms with. I wanted a natural birth really badly and landed up having an emergency c section and then hemorrhaged so badly I went back to theatre and they did everything they could but had to proceed with an emergency hysterectomy. Not the best way to start as a mom.

At 6 weeks I hit massive depression and started therapy which I am still doing almost 3 years later! I must say that chatting to other moms has helped trememdously.

Each day you start to feel like less of the victim of trauma and more like the mom you wanted to be and the person you were before.


Good luck and we are all here for you.

Shame, sounds horrible...

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