Hubby does not approve breastfeeding

I had a situation yesterday where the grandmother in law (husbands gran), had her own ideas on what to put in the nursery, and how to decorate it - and she was SO insistent. Basically she wanted a cot in there and a single bed, so that one parent can put a child to sleep there. I am planning on co-sleeping and hubby has built a co-sleeping cot, so I said yes, yes, yes, politely to the gran, and will carry on doing my own thing. I also told my own mother that there is no way we will agree on everything, but she did her best for me, and I will do what I believe is best for my child. The two may not always match, but as long as we do what we do out of love, we will have to agree to disagree on some things.

Initially hubby was also against my choices for birth and feeding - simply because he only knew what he had been exposed to. I cannot say enough how the Hypnobirthing classes have changed his mind - and meeting my midwife really set his mind at ease. It was a huge mental struggle initially but he has settled down. I am more of lioness fighter woman, though, and he may have backed down because he was scared of me and my pregnancy hormones as well (hahahahaaaaa).

Pretty Clouds, I think you have to trust your instincts and your body. Have faith that your body will do what it is designed to do. Husbands worry because they love us, but with your quiet strength and patience, you can win any fight that you believe is best for you and your baby. A colleague's wife's experiences cannot have more weight in your life and your decisions than what you as a mother feel is best.

I am on the flip side of this topic, wherein mine insists that I breastfeed.

I completely understand the health benefits of breastfeeding baby, but have opted to formula feed. This is mainly due to baby not taking to the breast, a terrible experience in hospital and the fact that I produce extremely little amounts of milk.

It has taken me a lot of tears and I still battle with the guilt of not breastfeeding and I feel I am a bad mother, but after a lot of anxious botched latching attempts and very painful expressing, I feel it is the best for me and baby if I go the formula route.

Hi PreTryClouDs

Sorry to hear about your situation but I have had a similar situation with my husband but just the opposite really.
The day we found out that I was pregnant was the day he told me that I may not get a c-section. He was under the impression that my tummy will be damage beyond recognition and I was told that I had to give birth vaginally.

Anyway as it turned out I have to get a c-section as a result of an car accident in which I broke my tail bone horribly.

My personal opinion on the topic is that we must do what is best for the baby. In my case it is a c-section and I was told that breastfeeding is the healthiest option so that is the way I am going.

Sometimes men can be really nasty when it comes to these thing because they have no idea how these demands are being read. In my case I felt that my husband was more worried about what I would look like afterwards than the health of our child and I was very upset for a while. Yes our bodies will change during pregnancy and yes we will pick up weight but to me that is all part of the miracle of birth.

I think men tend to forget how sensitive woman are not to mention during pregnancy and they need to be more careful regarding demands and comments.

Anyway I hope your husband will listen to your point of view and be reasonable in his beliefs.

PreTtyClouDs, you are soo patient! I am in awe! especially since I am quite patient.

Im trying to imagine what planning your wedding was like!!

I did not express much, but the little I did took a loong time, and I did not really find it painful. But I do know alot of working mums who successfully express for the babies. I think it also depends on the pump being used. I used a manual pump, while there are electric ones which make things alot easier.
I guess it differs from woman to woman though.

I really hope that you can at least try what you want to do, and are not forced into it by MIL's and hubby's misconceptions.
My only suggestion, just keep dropping hints and the positives, and maybe they will come around to letting you try.

And you can always come here and vent

Haha.. I just realised I should have named this thread - MIL Complaints -

I actually forgot to mention when I was pregnant with my LG I did at some point mention to my hubby that perhaps I could express and bottle feed her and he was not completely against that idea until he heard from somebody he worked with that his wife complained about it being to painful.

Is it painful to express or is it just because its something new and it gets easier?

My MIL was at every single doctors appointment, every gynea visit, every scan from the very begining. The one time my mom came with, my MIL phoned my hubby and complained to him that my mom came with.

I have this thing that everytime we are out and see a family with a little baby I always point out that i also want one. Just last week I mentioned when we have another one Im gonna breastfeed.. Surprisingly he just looked at me

Oh dear pillpusher, I hope your baby comes round . I love the fact that you are so open minded about the whole situation and that your husband has decided to stand behind your choices. My hubby on the other hand is so stubborn but I am hoping for a miracle. We did not go to any antenatal classes and I doubt we will go to any the second time around, even if we did my hubby would most likely not mingle with any other dads, he prefers to keep to himself.

Maj - Men and their mums . Sometimes it feels like it isnt advise as much as pushing what she wants for baby. She is unfortunately one of those moms that believe antibiotics is the solution to everything. If it were up to her my daughter would be on antibiotics permanently.

I did however never confront her about being so pushy until recently. she is very soft hearted and I never wanted to be mean to, she is my daughters grandmother but there is also so much a woman can take. Both my hubby and his younger brother were born premature and they were very sickly until around 4 years old. I get that she was just worried about my LG but she did not get the sickly bit from her dad. She is never sick.

I told my hubby that I do not want a another c-sec. I f it were up to me I would have a water birth at home. But Im not sure whether that is possible yet

Hi Prettyclouds,

My husband did not have an issue with me breastfeeding or how i wanted to give birth. But from the start, he said he did not want to come into the room while I am giving birth. He is a bit squeamish about blood, and did not want to see me in pain.
I on the other hand wanted him there for his support. We went to Hypnobirthing classes (he initially said its soo airy-fairy), but after the first couple of sessions, was adamant that he will be there when the baby is born. The difference was he realised that birth was not painful!

My husband is also very close to his parents. We now live on the opposite ends of the country, but he will speak to them everyday! and they call my 3-yr old about 2-3 times a day!
When my LG was born, I went to mum's house and my in-laws live 2 mins away, so they came to visit often (at least twice a day).
Initially the breastfeeding was difficult as I really did not want to pop my boob out infront of his mother (my father in law stayed in the lounge until he was called), but she would not take the hint that we needed privacy (and I figured its only my MIL-at least I know her!!)
I had to just keep reminding myself that they are just trying to help. Take what advise you want, and if you dont take the advise, and what you do doesnt work-whats the worst that happens "I told you so" "you should have listened"... In one ear, out the other
I have broached the "you dont need to speak to your parents so often", etc - it did not go well. So I kinda just left it, and he seems to have grown out of it.
I also felt that my husband wanted me to do things like his mum (I now seem to be much more like her in some ways, and he doesnt seem to like it).

Just a random question-did your inlaws come to any gynea apps/scans?
I have a friend who did not want to know the gender of the baby. Her MIL did, and the gynea actually told the MIL without telling the parents. That would have drove me insane

Breastfeeding while we were out was not such an issue-most shopping centre's have much better feeding rooms, or I would go to the car. I also tried to get a mini-feed in before we left home or leave home shortly after a feed.
The excuse of not being around visitors as you have to BF is great, but it only lasts for 20-30 mins so you cant hide in the room for very long!

My suggestion: tell him about the benefits of breastfeeding (but in small packets of info) "i was talking to a friend who breastfed until 18 months, and the kid only had to be put on antibiotics well after 2yrs old!"
Propose that you just give breastfeeding a try-if its not working out, you can go back to formula. You just dont want to not even try...