Thinking about adoption

Hey ladies.

I've just started a South African Adoption group on FB (for those of you that are on)

"Called2Adopt SA"

Please go over and join it. Lets get some kind of support structure going for us peeps over here in SA (and not just in America)

Keep Well x

Angelique I am emailing you and sending you a PM Dinky. You ladies have been fabulous MwaH! This is why Moomie is so great!

Hi Lori,

I myself have considered adoption should I be unable to have a baby.

My mom's sister adopted two boys who are 20 and 16 respectively. They are both loved dearly by our family and I don't think she has ever looked back!
Further to this, family friends of my step mother adopted a little girl @ 9 months old who came from an abusive family. They fostered her for a while and the applied to adopt her. She is now 2 and a half and is doing so well! She calls my dad Oupa and loves it when we build puzzles etc. with her. She is an extremely bright child and is thriving with her new family and extended family. This was a private adoption and I believe it cost alot of money because first they had to prove that the biological mother was unfit to take care of her children (she had 3. The two older girls were homed together) and it was in court for a very long time. The family had to attend councelling sessions and were visited by a social worker regularly.

I remember when my aunt adopted my two cousins, she submitted a whole file with family photos anda motivation etc. This was given to the biological mother who chose the family she wanted her baby to go to. The adoption agency visited my aunts home to see the nursery etc. and also interviewed all the close family members. My aunt got to meet my younger cousin's mom while she was still pregnant and went to gynae appointments etc. with her. She was at the hospital when he was born and was alowed to hold him immediately.

My Aunt would be willing to chat to you if you are interested. PM me if you want her details and I will send them to you. A collegue of my mom's adopted a little boy about 2 years ago and she "helped" them through the process. I think it's nice to speak to people who have "been there done that"...

All the best!

hi Lori

angelique@rode.co.za

Lori I really can't remember how long the entire process took but to me it did not feel as if it was too long and I remember that they did the house visit on the 9th of November and then before the 9th of December they had their baby.

I think once the RED tape and all the checks and things are over it goes quite quickly. But it also depends on how long the waiting list is.

Thanks Angelique and Ladybird
Angelique is that email address rode.co.za? Your info helps and it would certaily help to get someone's contact details as I really know nothing at all about the process. Ladybird mentioned a lengthy process. How long did your brother and SIL wait. Good to hear the positive stories!
Ladybird thanks for your high regard of me and G as parents. Its definitely not all smooth sailing and we are definitely not the best, but we can offer a child love and security.
I am probably about 70% sure that I want to do this. As for the reasons... well I still cannot explain to anyone why I, who said I never wanted children at all, ended up wanting one in the end and then after experiencing how bloody difficult it can be, wanting another one!

Hi, Lori

I'm not sure I am equipped in the least to be able to answer your questions. Pretty much my only point of reference would be the gutwrenching response elicited whenever I drive past a child begging on the road. Let's just say it's hard seeing through all the tears.

However, I feel compelled to add that it would come down to two things for me:

1) First and foremost, what can you offer a child?
From what I've seen first-hand, you and G are wonderful parents. Attentive, supportive, forward-thinking and just plain loving. Any child would be blessed to come into your home. I personally think one of the greatest gifts one can give a child, is the knowledge that he or she is wanted. I think you can safely "tick" this box.

2) Secondly, being realistic about your own needs and what the child will add to your own life. I think this is the part that you need to possibly explore a bit more. Generally, children don't come with a return policy, and you need to be painfully honest with yourself as to whether you genuinely want another child - OR, if you want a specific child. If it's a specific personality or bond that you are after, then what are your options in terms of adoption? Does that mean you would have to maybe spend some time volunteering in order to meet that elusive child? Or is it possible that you could learn to love any child that is placed in your care, equally? Is it really possible to do that...?

I really don't know much about the processes etc. involved, but by all accounts there are very lengthy processes involved. Very trying, lengthy processes. Ones that could sway your beliefs, ones that would make you weep at the impact on the children involved.

Here if you want to chat. Or share your changing thoughts.
xxx

Hi Lori

I have not adopted a baby myself but my brother and SIL have a 4year old boy which they adopted when he was 6 weeks old and now they are in the process of adopting a little girl. My SIL however prefers having a newborn but I can find out from her if she has any contact numbers or e-mail addresses of people whom you could contact with questions.

They did not go the private route and adopted though social services. My nephew is a perfectly healthy little boy and I must say that social services handled everything perfectly and I know that besides the "wait" everything else went smoothly.

you can mail me on angelique@rode if you have any more questions. It's good that you are figuring everything out before making your FINAL decision.

I know that on the initial application they had to fill in all the PERSONAL details. name, surname etc...the usual.

Then also, information about their siblings and they had to send pictures as well. Then they also asked questions about the size of the house they stay in, highest education/qualifications and what salary they earned (and had to send proof of this) and I know that they also had to get police clearance.

Then they also have some group and individual counselling sessions and this is also to make sure that the parents who are wanting to adopt are doing it for the right reasons.

Guess there is lots more that I can tell you and I am sure that some of the parents that have already been through the process can help you even more with some of the questions you have.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do