So you have a second baby but then suddenly you find yourself sitting at home with a crying newborn and a toddler who needs you for every single thing and you wonder why everyone said this was a good idea.
There are many advantages to having your children close together but those first few years can be exhausting and often not what you expected at all. It is often assumed because you have one baby you know what to do the second time around so it is easier but this is not always the case especially because every baby is different and having a toddler around also complicates things a little. “That jump from 1 to 2 was something I wasn't really expecting to be that hectic, but it was. Even though Kyla was a year she still needed me so much and obviously Ri did too” says Cindy, mom to three little people.
Biggest difference
The biggest difference the second time around is that you know that no harm will come to your newborn if you have to leave her to cry while you wipe a bum or find a missing Spiderman and make toast for your toddler who always seems to need something urgently when you are busy with the baby. It can take some time, though, to find your groove and get into a routine. Allow yourself that time but try to get some sort of routine going. Mom of three, Abby agrees with this “Have a routine for your own sanity.” It is easier to get the baby to fit in to an existing routine instead of trying to get the toddler to change their routine to fit in with the baby. Start with bed time because that is probably the easiest. They can be bathed at the same time and the toddler can be left in the bath while you dress the newborn. Once they are both dressed and ready for bed you can have quiet time while you feed the baby and the toddler lies next to you. It may take a few weeks but once you have the routine it will make life a lot easier for everyone. It is a well known fact that children function well within boundaries where they know what to expect.
Get your support system in place
Building up a support system is vital. If you don’t have family nearby then consider hiring a nanny. Not only will this allow you some alone time but it will also allow you to spend one-on-one time with each child. “Find a support system (parents, in-laws, partner) that will help you maintain control” says Cindy. Asking for help doesn’t mean you cannot cope or that you aren’t a good mother. You cannot do everything all the time for everyone and if you try, you will burn out and end up not being able to do anything for anyone. Accept the offers to babysit or to make a dinner. It also allows you to recharge your batteries and be a better mother.
Some adjustments need to be made
Bringing a new baby into the house required some adjustment for you and your partner. You were able to discuss the challenges with each other or with friends. The second time around your toddler also needs to adjust but often they are unable to verbalise so be prepared for a regression in behaviour and a possible increase in tantrums. This can be challenging but give yourself and your toddler the time to work through it. Your new baby will be ok if you let the nanny watch them for a while so you can build a puzzle or make lunch for the toddler, your toddler will feel calmer because they have had your attention and will then be more likely to be happier when you do need to give your attention to the baby.
The biggest thing to remember is “to not sweat the small stuff”. Focus on being mom and being there for your children, the rest will all fall in to place. If you have two-minute noodles for dinner for a week, it really is ok. There will come a time when you will be making Nigella style meals again because seasons pass!
Additional resources: https://c1.staticflickr.com/1/106/263777551_37ef4ee35f_z.jpg; http://www.fotopedia.com/items/flickr-8006043274 9; https://www.flickr.com/photos/lightfalling/2261753548/
Author bio:
Laura is a mom to four which means she spends most of her day driving kids from one activity to the next. She lives in Pretoria with her husband, the kids, a dog and a bird. Laura blogs over at HarassedMom (www.harassedmom.co.za) and runs a small party planning business (www.journey2joy.co.za), Facebook https://www.facebook.com/pages/Journey2Joy/10150128530740425 and twitter https://twitter.com/Journey2Joy
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