There were no rules and no discipline or you might have grown up in very strict, disciplined home. It doesn’t matter what type of household you get raised in, the parenting techniques that are used, rubs off on you. It makes you think certain things are acceptable while other things are not. But this shouldn’t stop you from thinking of other ways in raising your children.
What is Conscious/Gentle Parenting?
It means being mild in temperament or behavior; kind or tender, understanding, compassionate, sympathetic, considerate, mindful and aware.
Gentle, positive, or peaceful parenting is a conscious shift away from the traditional strict and demanding style of parenting to one based on mutual respect and connection. L.R. Knost (Author of parenting and children’s books) describes it beautifully as “guiding instead of controlling, connecting instead of punishing, encouraging instead of demanding. It’s about listening, understanding, responding, and communicating.”
I asked a few mothers what Conscious/Gentle Parenting mean to them and this is their response:
“The intention I hold is just to stay connected. Always allowing authenticity. Always being available, handling the hard stuff with compassion and empathy. Apologizing when I don’t get it right. Always being respectful of the person they are. Being the safest, softest place to fall,” says SueYen Nel.
“Gentle loving care and letting the little person lead within reason,” says Belinda ‘Morton’ McLintock.
” Presence (and deep breathing),” says Marcelle Beverley Pillay
Being a conscious parent requires one to stop, think and assess a situation that may arise with your child. Asking yourself what your child is trying to tell you and even teach you. The battle is not with your child but with your inner self. A parent-child relationship is like no other. They can bring out emotions you never knew you had.
In her book, “The Conscious Parent”, Dr Shefali Tsabary says, “The Conscious Parent underscores the challenges that are a natural part of raising a child, fully understanding that, as parents, each of us tries the best we can with the resources we have.”:)
Why is Conscious/Gentle parenting so important?
Our children look up to us. They learn everything from us. Their brains are like little sponges, constantly absorbing everything we say and do. They see how you treat their mother or father, strangers, friends, family and animals. They learn love from us and how to treat other people. Your children will mirror you.
Our children love us unconditionally and they look up to us and trust us to teach them how to be conscious human beings.
“All parents make unconscious mistakes, especially when they're feeling stressed, fatigued or simply overwhelmed. Sometimes parents tune out and pick up their phones or turn on the TV instead of tuning in to the thoughts and desires of their children,” says clinical psychologist Dr. Shefali Tsabary.
Parents want what they consider to be “best” for their children, but can easily forget that the most important thing is the child’s right to be their own person. Instead of meeting the individual needs of our children, we tend to project our own ideas and expectations onto them. Even when we have the best intentions of encouraging our children to be true to themselves, most of us unconsciously fall into the trap of imposing our own thoughts, wants and needs onto them. This can cause harm in the parent-child relationship and can break a child’s spirit, instead of enlivening it.
Dr. Shefali Tsabary says it so well, “When you parent, it’s crucial you realize you aren’t raising a “mini me,” but a spirit throbbing with its own signature. For this reason, it’s important to separate who you are from whom each of your children is. Children aren’t ours to possess or own in any way. When we know this in the depths of our soul, we tailor our raising of them to their needs, rather than molding them to fit our needs.”
Additional links: http://cpmagazine.co.za/conscious-parenting-what-is-it-and-why-is-it-so-important/
http://www.oprah.com/oprahs-lifeclass/Dr-Shefali-Tsabary-on-a-Whole-New-Parenting-Style-Video
Author bio: Juanne Cronjè is a writer and mother of two. She is very passionate about parenting and reads up on various topics. When she isn’t writing she works in the Financial Sector. Find her here: juanne.riaan@vodamail.co.za This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or https://www.facebook.com/pages/Researched-and-Informed-Parenting/234828546718236?ref=bookmarks
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