Talking about the absent father

Thanks for the responses so far - Wilma, congratulations on your daughter - she sounds great. I've often heard stories of children growing up and reconnecting with absent fathers and thinking they're just fabulous and totally disregarding his absence in their lives. Lucky that's not the case in your situation - you must be a very special mom. My situation is tricky as well in that it was me who discouraged his involvement - he and I are barely on speaking terms and I'm dreading the day that the daughter comes with the accusations. Although, in my defence, I have tried to improve the situation between him and I but he's really not interested and has two other children that occupy his time.

I guess time will tell..

Hi Ladies
My daughter is 18, her father was absent and did not pay maintenance either since she was 2. When she asked about him I answered her questions honestly. Two years ago he entered her life briefly and she got to know her half brothers a little better. They are older than her and they keep in contact via facebook. She is a very talented and bright young lady, and when I asked him to contribute to her expenses, he told me that we only worry about money and that all she wants from him. After that she did not contact him again, and neither did he make an effort. She saw him late last year at his mothers funeral, where he bragged with his beautiful talented daughter. She told him, in front of everybody, unfortunately he had nothing to do with the person she became. She asked me to call him with her matric results, which I did. He promised to call her to congratulate her personally, which he didn't.

Back to your situation:
Don't push to issue, if she wants to know her biological father, don't stop her, and answer all her questions honestly. She has your hubby as a father figure, and obviously that's enough for her.

I don't have first hand experience, but my friend went through something similar a while back. THe difference was the her daughter called her stepfather "daddy" and she had no idea that he was not her biological father.
My friend also first had the discussion with her when she was just over 5 years old and, like your daughter, she did not want to talk about it all. She seemed to accept the fact, but made it very clear that she would rather be doing anything else than having these conversations. My friend was advised to bring up the topic once a month in a very "by-the-way" kind of manner and always make sure that the child was in a "good space" when you brought it up and stop the discussion IMMEDIATELY when they show signs of wanting to end the conversation. Once you feel that they "get the idea", stop bringing it up that often and only make reference to her biological dad on odd occasions to make sure she is aware of the fact. even if you do it only once a year.

Bottom line, don't push it, they will get there on their own time.

Good luck.

Obviously she cares enough for her step daddy to not want to have to ask questions or want to know. She will ask you when she is ready and wants to know everything. As little as she is, she will remember that you have broached the subject and I am sure she will feel comfortable enough to talk to you when she wants to know. Dont stress, Kids are straight forward and always show their feelings unconditionally - like I said she will let you know when she is ready

Hi there, I'm new to Moomie and am wondering if any other moms here have dealt with this issue. My daughter's biological father has elected to not be in her life. He pays maintenance but has no relationship with us beyond that. My daughter was not planned but since having her I have met and married someone who is now a dad to her although she calls him by his first name. I have told my daughter that she has a biological father and shown her photos of him but she seems unwilling to engage with the topic. She is five now and I want to talk to her about it - I just feel that it needs to be discussed but maybe I'm being premature? I'm really not sure how to deal with it - if anyone has any advice or has experienced anything similar I'd be really grateful for any feedback.