Talking about the absent father

Well - apparently shit makes the best fertiliser and that's certainly true of my little angel. Her conception and the resulting aftermath with her Bio-father is the stuff of day-time soaps. Funnily enough she seems to have all here father's best traits and luckily looks like me! I wonder how much of the story I could tell her without her judging me. Although Bio-father does pay maintenance and she is on his medical aid. He's not really a bad person - and I'm certainly not perfect. this forum is so interesting - I see all the people TTC and there I was - with no intention of conceiving at all and I have been blessed beyond belief with my daughter. Life is very strange...

Hi Kimber
Don't lie to them. When they are older they will know you lied and then they will feel they cannot trust you. My daughter knows she can trust her mother. The fact that their father don't really care about them, unfortunately hurts, and they need to be sure that they can always trust and rely on their mother.

It is so sad and these absent fathers do not realise how much they hurt their kids.

I fell preggies and bd said I must abort then I refused and told him he will never be part of my daughter's life and I met my dh when I was 6 months preggies and he did everything for us and now she only knows him then sperm donar decides to wanna know more about his child etc. which dh refuses and I share the very same sentiments and now he said he wants to be a daddy.I wrote him all LG's expences and now he vanished into thin air.I choose not to let my child be associated with this pathological liar until she is grown enough to know the truth.It hurts at times thinking of her reaction when I tell her but the love that she is receiving from her now daddy fills the gap.I just pray she will understand and also forgive her sperm donar

hi Moomies

i am in the same situation , whereby my kids dad doesnt care about them, he promise lies .

my x husband will alway brag about buying a new car , or bough a new phone and so on . my first is 7 year he will call and speak to her promising heaven and earth and he never even keep one promise.

i remember one day he was bragging about his dogs and how much he spend for the injection every month while her kids are not getting one cent from him. he claims he loves them with all his heart and soul but never ever show it.

sometimes i will tell him is not all about finance just have a relashionship with them. but still (0 visit)

my 3 year old will always say my daddy is coming for a visit . she will run to the gate everytime she heard the sound of a car passing. and she will come back dissapointed and say mommy is not daddy. my 1year 4 month daughther has started saying papa but she doesnt know him. this man i m taking about claims that his kids means heaven and earth. he claims that he cant live without his kids. as for money it will be empty promises.


ja thats my story , i have to always explain and come up with lies why daddy is not seeing them.

Im deadling with both begin that child and having that child. I know how both side feel and I think it enables me to be a better parent for her to deal with this.

Amandalynn's father is not involved and in all honesty I prefer it that way, even if i sue him for mommy, but for my little girl and knowing how she feels about it (or more how I felt) I want her to fel both her parents love her.

since Ive met hannes and he is now her father. she calles him pappa and does not want to speak about her father anymore and when i do bring up the subject she is either scared of him or does not like him.

I try to speak to her always telling her the truth (without the drugs - will tell her that when she is older, and present her with the proof.)

she is a well rounded happy little girl.

Hi Milou - a very difficult emotional thing to be involved in.

I can't speak for having a child, but maybe I can speak for being "that child."

I always knew who my dad was, and though I was keen to build a relationship with him, he was less keen - he was what one would describe as a dead beat dad.

When I was younger and could not go to him - or he would cancel a visit or not arrive for the visit, I definitely took out my anger/disappointment on my mother and in my mind I saw her trying to keep us apart.

Clearly the reverse was true, was that my father could not be relied on, and often did not keep his end of the bargain when it came to visits and so on.

My mother did get involved with other men - who took the role of a father figure for me, but I never referred to them as dad and always by thier first names - even when I was small.

These things to work themselves out, and I often read threads about how stressed (single) moms are about trying to connect thier child with the father who appears to be disinterested on the best of days.

I think all children will go through a rebellious stage where you as the mother are responsible for everything.

The only thing I can suggest is honesty. Kids know when we are not telling the entire truth or maybe softening it a bit.

Obviously the issue is also that your daughter needs to form healthy relationships/attachments, and also see her life as stable and the love she has for her "home daddy" as being a good one.

Right now focus your attention on that, and try not to get too consumed with how to "fix" the future.

The biological dad is probably a bit abstract for her as she does not know him or see him. As long as she understands that that daddy is part of her, and that is all she needs to know.

From there on in, it is about the love she receives in the home you have created for her now.

Like I said, if she asks, don't discourage, she is still small, and we tend to be overprotective of our babies. The fact that you discouraged his involvement is natural. You want to protect your baby no matter what. She will never accuse or hold it against you. You are her mommy and will always be her hero, no matter what happened when she was a baby.