Naughty!!!

We have had friends over, who do not have kids, and they look at us and go "I don't think I could do that .... ' when we discipline our kids.

But the issue is it is not about me, and what makes me comfortable, it is about keeping sanity and order in our house.

I would love to say I have all the time in the world to sit on my son't bed and have conversations about the meaning of life and why he should do something.

Unfortunately I don't.

So we have rules and we enforce discipline.

I do however sit with my son (or my daughters) and explain to them at a later stage why we do certain things so they understand the why behind it.

My kids know that there are things we do, and there is a way we do them.

They have a choice to follow the rules and do what I say - they have a choice. They also know consequences - so what ever action they do, tantrums/screaming/being rude has a repurcussion - life has repurcussions.

I hope that my kids feel they have the freedom to do something - and I in turn teach them that what ever they choose has repurcussions.

I can't tell you the value in seeing the "light go on" in a child's eyes when they understand a repurcussion - it is so much easier than the screaming and the hair pulling and the time outs ......

We do not scream often in our house - but we speak with authority and we mean what we say.

Sometimes it is hard being the "no parent" instead of just giving in.

Bit off topic but RM - we notice the same thing with regard to my kids friends.

Without fail every time one of them leaves David comments "gosh our kids are really well behaved"

The biggest thing for me is the lack of respect kids seem to show

My kids will push boundaries with my but I have yet to see or hear of them doing it with other parents or teachers.

I take comfort in that when Kiara writes her little notes to me about how horrible I am!

At times I just let my daughter cry to the top of her voice cause she just throws trantrums unnecessarily and when I tell her nicely she just screams even louder.Ignoring her doesn't help either but thanks to the advises offered.hmmmm kids

I read through this thread and nodded several times, especially at what Claire A said - what great advise and insight.

Really great.

I do also struggle to discipline my 22 month old - I will be honest and almost say I do not consciously discipline her.

She appears to have "got the gist" of the house and what everyone else does and slots in. She has the odd tantrum, but really nothing that picking her up and removing her from the area does not immediately solve.

When she has a total breakdown and is "out of control" I often put it down to the fact that she is over tired/over stimulated. I pick her up, not in anger (but often in frustration) and I put her in her cot for 15 minutes or how ever long it takes her to calm down.

When she is going totally ape-sh&t I often find she is tired, and the "time out" often ends because she has fallen asleep.

However like Laura-Kim I have a very spirited 5 year old, who often leaves me reeling as 'standard discipline' has zero effect on her.

LK has offered me some guidance that worked on her daughter that I am trying to implement with my child.

I think Claire made the observation - repetition, repetition, repetition and I would like to add consistency, consistency, consistency.

I do not think I have three "good children" but I think for the most part I am a consistent (and sometimes rigid) parent. My kids know what the house rules are - and as Claire said we do not have long lists of them, we have some set ones that everyone follows end of story - but we are consistent and I feel fair with our discipline.

I have a 9 year old - and I can't tell you how astonished I am, when I have many of his friends over, and how poorly disciplined these boys are.

We really owe it to our kids to be better and more consistent parents and "enforce" discipline, but in a loving consistent caring manner.

I'm also going through the same thing at the moment, my 16 month old son has a very strong will and gets upset so quickly sometimes and it can snowball quickly too!

I've only given time outs a few times when i feel that i honestly don't have the patience to stay in the same room with him! A few months ago when his temper tantrums started a friend of mine said that love love love is the keyword, and I did not believe her! I was sick and tired of the way he reacted and that I couldn't handle it, or didn't know how to handle it. A LOT of patience from my side, proved her right

The moment you get your own temper under control it is a thousand times easier to deal with your child. When he gets upset about something and it turns into a full scale tantrum, I always firstly calm myself, breathe, and make sure i don't raise my voice or sound upset. I stay very firm, if it's no, it's no! (keeping in mind that i don't say no for everything, i generally let him do things that don't put him or other people or my things in danger - even if it means that i have to leave what i'm doing for 2 mins and do it with him) But when he does throw a tantrum I go on my knees infront of him so that i'm on his level, then when i speak to him, i his face in my hands gently to be sure he's looking at me, and after i've said what i need to say, i put my arms out and when he's ready for me to hold him, he'll come to me. I get what you're saying about not rewarding bad behaviour with cuddling, but at the same time, i feel that they experience so many negative emotions when they throw tantrums, mostly they are really very angry, and when you are angry, you always feel better if someone just understands and loves you.

this is a lifelong journey of LEARNING, for us and them.
be patient, you'll find what works for you and your child, but don't expect it to happen over night.

Thanks for all the wonderful advice

my little guy is almost 2 and he is incredibly willful. In a way i know that if this energy is harnessed correctly it will be a great assest to him in the future. Its just really hard to keep up with sometimes.

Time outs do not work as he has no idea what i am trying to do but ignoring him when he has a full blown tantrum for no apparent reason works sometimes.

Thanks for the links and the advice i am on my way to practice