Should I move my 3 year old to a new creche?

I agree with Huggles. The only way you could know is to show up unannounced at different times of the day, and observe him without him knowing. If you feel bad about it, just do it on a day you can get the afternoon off, or on a day he has an appointment.

Its possible that he's just very sensitive, or that he knows he can play on your emotions (not saying thats what he's doing, just that toddlers are able to play on parents emotions very quickly). But there could very well be a specific reason for his unhappiness. Does he give specific reasons for not wanting to go?

My little girl is 9 months old and so far very happy at her creche. (I do think it makes a difference that she's been there since 6 months old, so to her it has been daily routine before she was old enough to get separation anxiety). But I do pick her up at unexpected times every now and then, for instance when she has a clinic or paediatrician appointment, without giving them notice in advance. So far I have not seen anything that makes me worry, and it gives me peace of mind.

I also agree that if he was going to settle, he would have done so by now. Moving to another creche might not be a bad idea, but if it was me, I would first try and discover what it is thats upsetting him, if it is at all possible.

Hi Jules

I am so sorry to hear that your son is not a happy camper.

I know all about that feeling! My son went to a creche that i will never recommend, EVER!!! My son did the same, my biggest problem is that it happening in view of anyone. (they had cctv cameras and every now and then i would log on at work and have a peep at to what was happening, i was not happy at all!) We did move him one day and i never looked back. so yes, i would say that there is a problem.

I found a new creche and i will never look back, my son (just turned 5) is in the creche even before i lock my car, he runs in everyday, i dont have a problem with him crying or not wanting to go to creche, sometimes he wakes up on a Saturday morning getting ready for creche (getting creche clothes on) eager beaver. Yes sometimes we have the odd say where he wants to stay with me or asks to go to granny.

Shame man. Good luck.

Hi Jules

Welcome to moomie.

From what I have read, I would be concerned about this kind of behaviour. As you say, he could just be a sensitive child, but even so, you would then want to place him somewhere more suitable to his needs. I would do as Huggles suggests and go to the school at random times to see what is happening there. There is also a big difference between "happy" and "not sad". So even though the teacher might say that he is "fine" most of the day, it doesn't mean that he is happy.

I wouldn't just move him to another school without knowing what the problem is though, but in my "non-professional" opinion, it does seem as if there is a problem.

My 3 year old daughter started school in January this year, she was just not coping and the environment was just not right for her (LOVELY school, just not for her). On the advise of a clinical psychologist we removed her from school and fortunately we have the option to keep her at home. Turns out she felt bullied at school. She is a very timid child and couldn't come to terms with having the other children "in her face" and grabbing things from her (as children do). Fror most children this is normal and they adapt, but it was just to much for her. So, each child is different and as moms, if we sense that something is "not quite right" we HAVE to follow our guts.

Good luck with whatever you decide, but I would try to find out exactly why he is so unhappy. 2 years is a long time and if he was going to adapt, he would have done so already.

My schedule is quite regular. If I do pick him up earlier for some or other reason I always inform the school beforehand. Why would I feel guilty for wanting to spot checks on them?? Some afternoons he'll be watching TV when I get there. I always try to watch him for a while before making it known that I ma there. Other days he'll run to greet me all happy and then some days he'll start getting the lip the moment he sees me. Then the teacher would say ''but he was fine all day''. I hate not knowing if there is more behind his difficulty to adapt to the creche or if maybe I just have a very emotional child.
Thanks for the advise.

Have you ever arrived at the creche at a random time without warning? Or do you always fetch him at the same time every day?

My suggestion would be to try going there at really random times 3 or 4 times and see what's really happening. Like 10am, 2:30 / 3:30 etc. Not normal drop off of pick up times. If you can manage to see into his class without him or his teachers seeing you even better. I find that's the best way to see what's really happening.

I do find it a little odd that after 2 years he is still so unhappy to go. I mean it's normal for them to have off days here and there and to take a few days or even weeks to adjust to a new situation, but if he's been at the same school for so long I do think the majority of the time he should be going without crying.
However all kids are different.

Hi

I just registered to the Moomie Forum today. I would realy appreciate objective advise, please.
My son is now 3 years and 5 months old. He has been going to creche from 18 months. In September he will be at the creche for 2 years, but still, every morning he cries that he does not want to go to school. It breaks my heart leaving him while he is so unhappy. Initially I thought that he will adapt, but now 2 years later it's still a very big problem. According to the teachers he calms down within a few minutes, but how do I know? And is it normal for him to still behave like that after 2 years?? He seems quite happy though when I pick him up in the afternoons. I am considering moving him to another creche, but what if I just make things worse?
Please share if you have any advise or have been through something similar.

Thanks