Trying for a 2017 Baby

Hi Ladies,

Hope all is doing well?

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@nicolaF
I know exactly how you feel.
there is always hope which each sensation or pain before AF, but then when u see that blood, its murder, murder of your hope. its the fruit of failure....

I was just messaging my friend, describing, my 5 week existence that i live on repeat.

Week1 - period. devastating, miserable, angry, bitter, resentful, refuse to go to church or pray, cry daily, feel like a failure
Week2 - positive hopeful, pick myself up after taking femara and staminogro and drinking pineapple juice and taking pregnacare conception and and and...
Week3 - go in to my FS and he says follicles look great, i trigger, i go in for iui and everything is perfect, DH sperm excellent, everything is in my favour! this is the month
Week 4 - i anxiously look out for implantation bleeding, nothing. but im hopeful coz most women dont get it
Week 5 - i know my period is coming, but im so so hopeful still. my now slightly losing my mind kicks in. DH and i fight, and i give up this whole baby thing. Im cursed and god hates me and im being punished.
I start the whole process again....

never PG or MC before, i have mild pcos thats not treated as i ovulate on my own, but on femara and trigger (just in case to release egg). TTC 2 years. septum resection in Jan16, 2 failed IUIs, 3rd next week new FS. still no BFP sixth month post op.

Hi ladies

So i'm on CD29 and the dreaded pain arrived this morning with some brown spotting how do you stop yourself from getting so upset when AF comes around every month. I tell myself every month that this month I won't be upset and that things happen as they are supposed to, but then it comes and I can't help but feel like i've failed. and i'm so confused...going by the stick last week it looked like I was fertile and had ovulated late so thought AF would have come only next week, but its arrived a bit earlier than if I had ovulated around CD15. What is going on!!!!!!!

Oh well...here's to another month of trying.

How are you all doing? sending hugs to all who needs them today xxx

@Jooste - I hear you about the hospital and getting the best care possible - I would have probably done the same thing, should I have been in your shoes. In Upington we have a medi clinic, where my gynae is also practicing. So straight after I saw him and he confirmed the miscarriage, he sent me to admissions. He personally did the D&C and so far no complications. You know, I had to carry my baby for more than a week, after its heart stopped. My baby stopped developing at 6 weeks, and I only had the miscarriage when I was 7 weeks 5 days. I actually saw the baby and the sac on the Thursday, but there was no heartbeat, just to have the bleeding on the Friday morning. So I know how you feel - It is terrible knowing that your baby has already died, but it is still in you. Government hospitals are a no-no, when it comes to any proper health care.

I really hope that you will get closure - I am available to chat when you want to and feel the need to. I know exactly how you feel, although you had more losses than I did. The loss remains the same - We both lost a child. And it is heartbreaking. I found that talking about it makes it so much easier to process and deal with. We also had a small funeral - I took the scan photo I got from the gynae the day before the miscarriage, put it in a glass jar, and buried it in our garden, with flowers and a handmade cross with the dates on it. I haven't cried that much in my whole life - I felt broken and that life was not fair. Now, more than 9 weeks later, I can talk about it without crying. But I took the time to cry and scream and sulk and be depressed. I lived on rescue remedy during that first week or so, just to calm me down a bit - i also bought calmette night to help me sleep. But I made it through, and so will you. I've sent you a personal message with my phone number and email address, if you need to talk.

@Jooste....I am so so very sorry for your loss. Condolences to you and DH and I wish you strength during this time xxxx

Anzel
Where we live, we do not have a private hospital and we only have 3 gynies (of which one is currently attending to her own premmie baby) about 100km away near the closest Medi Clinic. So....it is a matter of - no one being available to do a D & E. Yesterday after my scan, the GP offered to do it himself (he is very experienced and act as a gynie in our town) - but I do not see myself going to a goverment hospital (in our town) for that.

I need to treasure and make healthy decisions regarding my reproductive organs and cannot afford something going wrong that might add to my challenges conceiving again. So - I add the option of going last night, but I decided to wait for the first avalialbe opening on the theater list at Medi Clinic.

In November, I also only had the D & E on the Friday night at 7pm (after finding out on the Tuesday that there was no heartbeat). I agree with you - it is VERY cruel to wait that long.

Sounds horrible - but I cannot tolerate being pg with our baby ....if there is no heartbeat. Feels like I am being cheated on - it is such a horrible feeling - I cannot concentrate on anything else except knowing that our baby is dead - and he/she is still inside of me.

AI, @Jooste - I was really hoping that since you made it past the 8weeks stage, that this baby will stick. My heart is so sore right now. For the first time I really understand what you are going through. Why are you only going for the D&E on Wednesday? I had mine on the same day of the miscarriage, the day after I found out there was no heartbeat. I actually preferred it that way - I feel it is less cruel. I am so very sorry about your loss. You will be in my prayers.