Expectations

This is a great thread! Keep it going! We all need to sit back and relax about the stresses that life is trying to put on us. We are the mommies, we make the decisions that are best for our babies! The one thing written in most books are: Every baby is different. No two babies will react the same to the "rules" so we should stop trying to force them to!

About the breastfeeding thing, I was breastfed up to 11 months. I have a genetic disorder that causes me to be intolerant of Gluten. My mom went to a seminar about this when I was 17, and the lady said that babies who are breastfed for up to 6 months does not develop this even if they are genetically predisposed to it. My mom stood up, told the seminar that she breastfed me and I still developed it... The lady giving the seminar was sheechless, she said she wanted to meet me. After my consultation with her, she found that I have the worst case of celiacs disease she has ever come accross.
All I'm trying to say is that breastfeeding is not the be-all and end-all of everything and that not everything bad that happens can be blamed on breastfeeding or not breastfeeding!
Make your own choices and don't look back, don't feel guilty, you are the mommie, you know what is best!!

as bad as what I am going to say sounds but I have found that it is the truth.

judging is inherent in us, from a young age we told of what is wrong and right, and we must frown upon what is wrong and as we grow older we tend to voice out what we think and feel about the wrongness of what you are doing. judging really does destroy people and their self esteem.

I know because as I was growing up I was told I was too thin, too stupid (although I was always in the top 3 in my class) too loud (I do have a loud voice and I just roar when I laugh).

it was only last year that one person came to me and told me how they enjoy seeing me laugh because it brings out the child in me and I seem to totally let go when laughing, for ages I thought something was wrong with me because I was not a polite laugh-er like all the other girls and I could just shout but now I enjoy being me and this is what sets me apart from the rest of the ladies. I realized that I actually do not want to be a lady but rather a woman and a mother who can teach her kids to enjoy life and if that means laughing loud so be it.

I do not even want to start on motherhood.

I also stressed when I read the babysense book as my son slept for 20min at a time, but after I read the whole book I felt it did help me to understand my son.

Like diets they are not fool proof, but there is alot of common sense in them, something which seems to go when you are sleep deprived.

I think we tend to overreact when asked a simple question like Joli says. You have made your choices moms and it is best for you and baby so find peace with it or the rest of your parenting life is going to be hell as it doesn't stop there.

I assume that your choices are made after careful consideration and love and thought for you and your child so you should be able to stand tall and proud.


Things to look forward to:

Sleep training -how to do it ,if to do it, when to do it.

Feeding

Shoes

Milestones -don't even get me started

toilet training


The list is endless. I encourage you to grow and extra skin or at least increase your shoulder width as you are going to need it.

Kirst wrote:

I think alot of books about babies, while trying to be helpful, also put pressure on new moms. Although they provide alot of very useful information, they can make you feel like a bad mother if your baby isn't a self-soothing angel that can put himself to sleep at 3 days old!

I remember as a first time new mom getting stressed out because the Baby Sense book said at this age your baby should be sleeping for x amount of hours a day. And if baby was awake for more than x hours he would become overstimulated and blah blah blah. Try as I might I couldn't get my LB to sleep as the book said he should and we had no routine to speak of by the time the book says you should. Then I realised that he was doing just fine - growing, healthy, calm and happy - and decided to take my cues from him rather than trying to do what someone who has never met me or my child says I should be doing.

I know this is a bit of a rant, but the authors of these books sometimes irritate the crap out of me with their (in my perception) "I'm such a perfect mother with my perfect little angels" attitude telling the rest of us mere mortals how it should be done. All babies and all mothers are different and there is no one recipe that is going to work for everyone.

Rant over.

Now THIS is a great attitude Love your outlook on this, and I agree totally!

I am a mother who chose to have a c-sect and chose not to breast feed for my own reasons.
And I quite frankly refuse to allow other people and their opinions of my choice get me down.

I know I did what was best for our particular circumstances, and thus it helps me be a better mother to my children.

Kirst - I agree 100% with you re the baby books and how to care for them, I read them and take what I need from them. A few have really helped and there are a few where I think "Mmm.. you have never meet my child, have you"

However most I take with a pinch of salt, just as I do with advice from friends, mothers, mother-in-laws, well meaning aunts etc.

I think alot of books about babies, while trying to be helpful, also put pressure on new moms. Although they provide alot of very useful information, they can make you feel like a bad mother if your baby isn't a self-soothing angel that can put himself to sleep at 3 days old!

I remember as a first time new mom getting stressed out because the Baby Sense book said at this age your baby should be sleeping for x amount of hours a day. And if baby was awake for more than x hours he would become overstimulated and blah blah blah. Try as I might I couldn't get my LB to sleep as the book said he should and we had no routine to speak of by the time the book says you should. Then I realised that he was doing just fine - growing, healthy, calm and happy - and decided to take my cues from him rather than trying to do what someone who has never met me or my child says I should be doing.

I know this is a bit of a rant, but the authors of these books sometimes irritate the crap out of me with their (in my perception) "I'm such a perfect mother with my perfect little angels" attitude telling the rest of us mere mortals how it should be done. All babies and all mothers are different and there is no one recipe that is going to work for everyone.

Rant over.

I agree with that Julz. I think we more often THINK we are being judge. If someone ask you: Are you breastfeeding and you say no, it does not mean you are being judge. But if you feel guilty for not breastfeeding, you will feel that you are being judge.

Why feel guilty anyways? Why do you allow people to judge you? Take the things people say to you the way you want. Only YOU can make people judge you or make you feel guilty. If they say something you don't like, smile and walk away. Don't allow their words to make you feel guilty or judged.

You are the best mother mother to your child, regardless of how you do it. If we all brought up our kids the exact same way, I'm sure it would be a pretty boring world to live in.

But to get back to the main topic - yes mommy life is not easy. Men still tend to think that we as women need to run a household, run after the kids, clean, cook, etc. etc. and work full day. I can't see why - when both partners work - the hubby can get home and sit on the couch while the woman must cook and clean.