Adoption

Explanation why there isn't white babies to adopt (or even indian or coloured) - there are just too many black babies in the system.

www.parent24.com/Getting_pregnant/adopti...-black-baby-20110630

@ izellem - I understand completely what you are saying. Not many people will understand this. Maybe us people who live in the cities sees this more often so it doesn't bother us anymore. But I do understand that the farming community will struggle with it. It is easy to say what is more important - family or a baby. But a family is your support structure and without that sometimes you will be lost. Yes I also know that some people will say that their family is not their support structure but their situation is different. So is every persons situation different.

This can open a whole new can of worms about race and so on .... but the point is that your situation is difficult and I truly hope that you will get answers.

Good luck Izellem !!

Beautiful post "tummyandheartmom"

Izellem - I know lots of couples who have adopted and all of them have adopted "children of colour" The waiting list to adopt a caucasian child is Looooooong and that is where the misconception comes in that adoption, as a process, takes forever. It only takes forever if you are specifically looking for a caucasian child. The statistics are something like 1 caucasian child per year that gets placed with adoptive parents, so I can understand why Procare told you that the list is closed. THey probably already have 50 or more on the waiting list so adding you would be unfair to you, because best case, they would be able to place a child with you in 50 years time (not what you were hoping for obviously).

I get the "farmer in Malmesbury" thing - my dh is a "boer" from Malmesbury and I am from the Cape Flats - as you can imagine, his family was less than thrilled. But guess what, they had to accept it if they still wanted him in their lives.

So, bottom line, you need to decide what is more important to you and dh and go with that. You CAN make a non-white child part of your family if that's what you really want. If not, then you may have to accept that adoption in South Africa is not the option for you and you have to look at other alternatives, expensive and lengthy alternatives, like surrogacy or adopting from another country.

Good luck.

I have two friends who adopted a black baby (Pedi) and everybody thought they would be judged harshly not because of this but because they were gay.

I was quite amazed that people were so accepting and I think what you say is true that at the end of the day it is about the special gift of a child being placed with parents who will provide a loving, stable environment.

Today Sihle is the most wonderful, balanced 7 yr old who everybody adores.

I'm new to this website but feel that I'd like to share my experience.

I have 1 x biological child and 1 x adopted child and can easily tell you that both experiences were equally amazing.

I went through child welfare in Port Elizabeth (because I lived there at the time) and they were fantastic. From the time we handed our forms in until we had our beautiful baby girl in our arms took 3 weeks. She was just 2 days old.

She is mixed race, and I can honestly tell you that we have NEVER encountered any discrimination against our family for the choice that we've made.

When we first told people about our plan to adopt, they were inquisitive about whether we would take a child of colour, but the reality is that most people struggle with an idea when it is just a concept, when they're faced with actually dealing with a real live human being (a cute small cuddly one at that) their misconceptions are challenged very quickly and they very soon come around.

We had always said that if people wouldn't love our brown child then they wouldn't get the opportunity to love our white one either, and that would be their loss doubled. But we never encountered that problem, people just accepted our family make-up without a problem.

Our daughter is now 7 years old, and I honestly forget that I didn't give birth to her. Sometimes we'll have conversations about hereditary traits and I'll catch myself thinking that she gets certain things from my side of the family and then quietly giggle to myself.

I know that crossing the racial line can seem difficult for some people, but can't express what an amazing gift a child, any child, is and what a privilege it is to be a parent. My child's skin colour is the most beautiful shade of caramel and it's something that I celebrate with her because I want her to be proud of the person that she is.

My sister has also adopted and her son is now 6. Both his biological parents are Xhosa so he's a darker shade of brown than my daughter. When our kids play we jokingly call them "Chocolate, Caramel and Strawberry (my son's face flushes so easily)", and our children know and love the variety that exists in our homes.

We have surrounded ourselves with friends and family who love us just the way we are, which is the best environment for any child regardless of colour anyway.

If we were to ever decide that we wanted another child, I would definitely adopt again. In the 3 week time frame while we were waiting for our daughter there were 18 children born, only 3 of them had homes to go to, so many little people, just aching for someone to love them.

I am truely blessed indeed to be their Mom.

Hi there

Just to try and explain why the "white only option". I married a farmer in Malmesbury. We live on a family farm with his brother (with wife and 2 children) and parents. This is an Afrikaans boere family - the thought of adoption had to grow on them for the past 3 years. We knew we could not even attempt this if we did not have their full support as they are a very close family. Therefor I cannot adopt an interracial baby. Not only for acceptance by the family he/she is going to live in, but also for acceptance in the community.

I know this might sound weird to you guys, but country people are just different. So as big as my heart is for children, this unfortunately is my situation as right or wrong as it might be ...

Thanks so much for your email - I really appreciated it and I hope we chat soon.

xxx