Birth stories - HVBAC after c-section and healing trauma

Birth stories - HVBAC after c-section and healing trauma ^Featured

Jozlyn Kitching is the mother to two boys, Simon (4) and Benjamin (1 and a half).

With Simon she had an induction at 39 weeks and had a c-section. Jozlyn says Simon’s birth was the most traumatic experience of her life. A few years later, with the birth of Benjamin, she believes the trauma she experienced with Simon, was healed. She had a home birth vaginal birth after c-section.

“When I was pregnant with Simon, I did all the routine tests and scans. I had a relatively easy pregnancy and saw my gynaecologist on are regular basis. At around 38 weeks my gynae informed me my baby is ‘quite big’ and I should consider an induction at 39 weeks.” She was not happy with this decision but it being her first pregnancy, she went with what he suggested.

Induction

“At 39 weeks, I went for the induction. Labour started slowly. I was hooked up to monitors and the pitocin drip and couldn't get off my back. The nurses and doctor did so many internal examinations that I lost count. They were excruciatingly painful! After 6 hours of labour, the gynae broke my water. I was not progressing fast enough, according to the doctor. I dilated 6cm in 8 hours. After 8 hours of labour the doctor said that he wanted to do a c-section. That my baby was in a posterior position and that I would never be able to birth him naturally.”

Feeling devastated and helpless

Jozlyn recalls that she was devastated. “I started sobbing uncontrollably. The c-section was horrible. The doctor and anaesthetist were discussing rugby and braaiing. How bizarre! My baby was already so low that they had to pull him out with tongs. He had two deep cuts on the side of his face. They handed him to me for a couple of seconds and then gave him to the nurses. I cried throughout the whole experience. I desperately wanted to breastfeed my baby as soon as possible after birth. In the recovery room I started shivering and vomiting. They brought Simon to me a couple of hours later. He wouldn't latch at all. I asked my mom to try and get hold of a lactation consultant asap. In the meantime, every single nurse in the ward tried to get Simon to latch. I felt so violated. They took Simon from me for the night and gave him formula without my permission. I was livid! I felt so helpless.”

Birth rape

“As a result of the traumatic birth I had with Simon, I suffered from PND and PTSS. I started reading similar stories and came across the term 'birth rape'. For the first time I could put a name to what I went through. I vowed not to put my foot in a hospital with my next birth. After Simon's traumatic birth, I knew I wanted a home birth. I desperately needed to prove to myself that my body wasn't broken and that I’m absolutely capable of giving birth naturally. Simon, who was supposed to be to big, weighed 3.2 kg, a very average weight.”

Second time round

When she fell pregnant with Benjamin, she started looking for a midwife who was prepared to assist a home birth vaginal delivery after a c-section. Marianne Littlejohn was the only midwife willing to assist. Unfortunately I had to find a back-up gynae in case I had to be transferred. Luckily I found one at Stellenbosch Medi-Clinic and I only saw him twice.”

Research

The pregnancy was “amazing”, says Jozlyn. “I did loads of research, read the Gentle Birth Method by Gowri Motha and the Mama Bamba Way. My husband and I also did a hypnobirthing course. I saw Marianne on a regular basis. We chatted about my pregnancy and birth but also about life in general. My hopes and dreams. Fears. I loved her gentle and kind way. She put me on a strict no carbs or sugar diet and I had to exercise regularly. I never doubted myself or my body. I knew I could birth my baby naturally.”

Support important

“My husband was extremely supportive and he kept the negative commentaries and attitudes from friends and family away. At 41 weeks and 3 days there was still no sign of labour starting. We tried all the natural induction methods. Walking, climbing, sex, curry... Marianne suggested I take a dose of castor oil, so I took it the Thursday morning at around 8am. Contractions started shortly after I took it. I listened to music, bounced around on the birth ball, listened to birtg affirmations. At around 13:00 I phoned my husband and he came home. I wanted to labour on my own for as long as possible before calling Marianne. Contractions came and went for the rest of Thursdayand Thursday night, as well as Friday. It became more regular and strong the Friday afternoon, so I phoned Marianne. She arrived at around 18:00. I was 6 cm dilated. Benjamin was in a posterior position and the pain was so intense. She kept telling me that everything will be okay and that babies know exactly what to do. I loved that. She made us an amazing dinner. Things started picking up again at 23:00. She had to apply pressure on the cervix in order for me to fully dilate, because of Benjamins position. I started pushing shortly after that. We moved into the bathroom, where I alternated between squatting and pushing on the toilet. Great position! She told me to feel his head. It was so amazing. He was right there, I was actually doing it! I was pushing out a baby!”

Special experience

Benjamin was born at 02:15 on Saturday. “On my bathroom floor. We didn't find out the gender, but somehow I knew. He weighed 4.2 kg. He latched immediately. It was so special. My body wasn't broken.”

Fear of birth

Looking back, Jozlyn says she would have done “everything different” with Simon’s birth. “I would have gone to a midwife, instead of a gynecologist. The c-section was completely unnecessary. The reason for the c-section was failure to progress but he only gave me 10 hours. I laboured for over 30 hours with Benjamin. After Simon's birth the gynecologist told me that I would never be able to have a natural birth. A blatant lie! As ridiculous as this may sound, I strongly suspect that he wanted to be home in time to watch a rugby match. Also, time is money. I wish I spoke out. I wish I had gotten off that table and gone home but I was so scared.

“Head down, tummy to mummy, hands on heart”

“With Benjamins birth I listened to the hypnobirthing birth affirmations. It’s still on my bathroom wall, almost 2 years later. The one I loved most was 'I see my baby perfectly positioned for birth. Head down, tummy to mummy, hands on heart.' Benjamin's birth was so incredibly healing for me. It was definitely a spiritual experience. I couldn't believe that he was so alert! Simon was so sleepy from the epidural and wouldn't latch at all. We did bond, but at a later stage. I had terrible guilt feelings after Simon's birth. No one understood the trauma and heartache I went through. Yes, my baby was healthy and I was very greatfull for that, but at the same time I lost a part of me.” - Jana Engelbrecht

Simon’s weight: 3.2 @ 39 weeks

Labour lasted: 10 hours

Benjamin’s weight: 4.2kg @ 41 weeks

Labour lasted: 30 hours

Birth stories - HVBAC after c-section and healing trauma Featured

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Birth stories - HVBAC after c-section and healing trauma ^Featured