By Gabi Falanga

Gentle parenting is an approach, or rather, way of being, which focuses on understanding, empathy, and respect when raising children. According to gentle parenting coach Marji Zintz, it’s a conscious tactic to parenting that prioritises a connected, collaborative relationship of mutual respect with a child of any age. But what exactly does all of this mean? 

Parents who practise this philosophy don’t believe that a child displays ‘good’ or ‘bad’ behaviour. Instead, they believe that a child’s behaviour is their way of communicating their feelings or needs, and it’s the parents’ job to trust the child and figure out what they’re trying to convey. What’s traditionally regarded as ‘bad’ behaviour - like throwing tantrums, or sulking – is regarded by the gentle parent community as ‘unhappy’ behaviour. On the flip side, a child that is well behaved is displaying ‘happy’ behaviour.

Gentle parents consciously work to foster strong connections and use peaceful, positive methods to reinforce happy behaviour. Instead of responding to a child with yelling, punishments, spanking, coercion, crying-it-out, or time-outs, these parents will practise empathy and talk to the child to try understand the reason for their behaviour. They will then work together to find a positive solution to the situation, or, accept what they can’t change. 

A line on a gentle parenting Facebook support group says they “believe that connection, through empathy and communication, leads to peaceful change of our children’s behaviour, bringing better cooperation and greater happiness to the whole family.” 

Another aspect of gentle parenting is to give children choices, rather than commands, using play to diffuse tension, and not forcing their children to stifle their feelings. Gentle parenting focusses on the relationship between adult and child, and views this relationship as a partnership, where the child helps make decisions, rather than the parent dictating what the child should do. And, instead of expecting their children to take time-outs, parents who use the gentle parenting mind-sets, put themselves in time-out if they need to regain control of their strong emotions.