facing the challenges of a 3 year old....

LOL, I will also have to see where on the ladder I am... I am going to print the ladder out and examine carefully, thanks Gloeiwurmpie .

Rakker, anger continued....

You will see on the anger ladder (step 14) that children first focus their anger on other sources. This is where it comes in what you are describing. Interesting that is actually a major step up to be able to focus your anger on the source!

I always keep this ladder in the back of my head while parenting. I know it takes time to climb this ladder, however I try to guide her gently one step up as she matures.

ps: This is actually quite interesting for adults to see where they fit in on the anger ladder....

Thanks for the compliment Rakker! I agree that a 3 year old "tantrum" is a lot more violent than a 2 year old's in my opinion! There is a lot more anger and focus behind it. You can almost smell the smoke coming from their heads!! Scary stuff!!

I hear you about the fact that the anger "seems random". My LG does that too. But I have noticed that usually there is something else bugging her and she doesn't have the skill yet to focus her anger on her true underlying needs or feelings.

I find this anger ladder very helpful. Children begin at the bottom of the ladder.
From The five love languages of children.

See also the section from the book on amazon page 162
books.google.co.za/books?id=ORBIZ94Uu7YC...r%20children&f=false

Gloeiwurmpie, you give valuable advice. He received play therapy for something else few months back and the lady told me about the anger. At that stage he didn't even have the violent outbursts yet. I don't think I am handling it the right way at this stage. I don't mind the anger, but I hate the fact that it is often not justified. I think I will just have a talk with him about being angry and what is acceptable behaviour. And get him a punch bag that he can hit when he gets angry (or something like that ).

Marijke, what a great article (and helpful website!). I think I am guilty of no. 9! Although I know I shouldn't phrase commands as requests I often find myself doing it. I like to speak in a respectful way to my LG, but sometimes I forget certain things should not be phrased as "optional" like brushing teeth!!

I have found myself saying "If you do that one more time...". Usually by the time the words are out, I feel so stupid and I can see there is a huge question mark on my child's face...because what are you going to do??? Because often it is not followed by anything else. Really an empty threat. Then I breath and rephrase it like a propper limit not like some stupid threat!

Rakker, I think in most cases the violent outbursts are normal, but if it is really persistent then I would consider playtherapy. I think the most important thing is to remember to never give your child the idea that "anger" is bad or not allowed. That is basically one of the golden rules in my opinion. All the emotions are allowed but not all behaviours are tolerated. The progress my LG is making with anger is slow but evident. She is starting to use her words and telling us that she wants to bite us! This is actually a step forward (although it doesn't sound like it) from actually biting us. I try to encourage her to use her words, although she is still like a pot that is about to explode!

Grenaat, I hear you about the whining. My LG also has a tendency to whine and it is iritating as hell!! The thing about whining is that the "frustration" your child has is not really "coming out". It is as if it is stuck somewhere inside halfway. There was 'n nice section about whining in one of my books, will look for it later again!

I found this to be very helpful if anyone is interested, I'm very guilty of number 7 especially since being pregnant and the hormones!

www.thekidcounselor.com/articles/10-thin...-to-say-to-your-kids

I think those are 10 wonderful things to keep in mind especially since they are much more aware of what's going on around them and what you are actually saying at 3 years of age

Hi ladies.

its been so long since ive been on moomie, but im so glad i came across this post! Feels good to see your not alone LOL

My boy is 3, turning 4 in Jan. i read up on the terrible 4 year old stage (yes theres another bad stage LOL).

the problems we face...whining and crying, and whining about tummy aches, leg pains, tongue pains. Basically just whining in all forms. its the most irritating thing ive ever had to deal with. its very trying and sometimes really hard to hold your cool and not yell.

So my plan of action is...tonight im putting poster up in the house that i printed, be calm, count to ten, breath and a few Get Wine posters. that always seems to help. so we will be staying calm and telling our LB that we do not talk or listen to people that speak in a whiny voice so he must talk nicely to us. hopefully just with that already he will learn not to whine so much.

anyone else going through this too?

Julz i refer to your words: I find myself becoming more and more like the mother I didn't want to be

this morning i was doubting myself, should i be a mother of two kids. i always wanted six but now i wonder if i ever should have been a mother cause it seems my child is unhappy. its terrible how we as mothers always find the fault by ourselves first hey.