How old were you when you had your 1st baby?

Ladies, I cannot thank you enough for all your responses. They have really helped me a lot.

I definitely do not want to pressure DH into having a baby, that was never an option. I most definitely want it to be a mutual decision.

We did discuss having children before getting married, so I knew (past tense) that he wanted kids. He's 33 now and as I said, I'm 28, and I guess I just hoped that he'd reach this stage at the same time as me. But then again, I also can't imagine DH coming to me at any point and telling me he's ready and I think that's where my panic sets in. I can sit back and wait for him, but I can't help but feel that I might be waiting forever. I guess that is definitely something that I have to come to terms with. I think that, from what some of you have said, until you know how much work a child takes, one sometimes thinks they can do it on their own. I am at that point.....but I have definitely taken your advice on board and that thinking is fading into the background.

I have such a wonderful relationship with my mother, she truly is my best friend. For years and years I wished that she had had me sooner and I have to say, that is the case now more than ever. She's by no means old, but she's definitely not capable of running around after a 2 year old any more. She's such an awesome granny to my niece, and I just want so much for my children to experience the kind of granny that I never had. There is so much that I feel that I'm giving up and subsequently depriving my future children of, waiting for DH. It's a horrible feeling. Even now whilst writing this I am emotional about it.

Anyway, once again I am just getting things off my chest. I do keep reminding myself that there are people in far worse positions than me and that for the most part, my concerns and complaints are petty and sometimes necessary.

I really hope that I can fully take on board what you guys have said, and relax a bit. I am just a very sensitive person and quite frankly, I think my biggest issue is the unknown. He doesn't think things are right for a child at the moment.......but I can't help but wonder if he will ever change his mind.

......here's hoping that is not the case.

Ladies, once again, thank you so so much for taking the time to write such insightful responses to my post. I cannot thank you enough.

I had my first just before I turned 28 and my second just after turning 29. We got married after knowing each other for only 6 months (he proposed after dating 2 weeks!!) So we wanted to have some time alone before having kids. I was 26 when we married and we planned on waiting 2 years before ttc.

But in the end we decided to stop contraception a bit before 2 years as we thought it might take a while. I was told as a teenager that because of a genetic illness, I would not be able to have kids. This proved to be total bogus as we fell pregnant the same month. And before we could really settle as a family, I was pregnant again.

Having a first child was a "natural" adaption for us, but having a 2nd unplanned child so soon after the first was a bit of a shocker. Luckily we are blessed with having 2 very calm, relaxed kids. And my DH is a real hands on daddy. I would never have been able to do it without him.

We both knew that we wanted to have kids and discussed it on our first date, so we where on the same page from day 1. And our relationship didn't have time to develop fears or doubts around having kids. We both want more kids, just not now. In fact I think if I fall pregnant again by "accident" he will run away. Timing our third will be a big issue for us as we are both not yet ready to even think about it. Even though we know we want more, we are both sure that we don't want to plan it yet. So we are still on the same page.

If I where in your shoes, I would probably have gone ahead and left the contraception anyway, but that might not be the right thing to do. I was desperate to have a child and lucky that it happened to be one of his wishes ass well. But without his help, I would never have coped. Having a baby is hectic. I know there are a lot of moms with husbands who never change a nappy or helps with baby, and then there are the totally single mommies. I take my hat off to them. I would not have been able to cope.

So my advice would be to get him on board first. Doing everything on your own (even if you have family support) can make you really resentful towards him and damage your relationship so much that it might not survive.

We started dating at 17, and got married at 21. DH wanted to 'settle' first as we were only just starting out with careers and had very little at the time. He wanted to buy a house first, which at the time made me think we'd NEVER have a child. Circumstances changed and at 25 we bought our first house.
It was a plot and plan and came with lots of problems which took about a year to sort out. We started TTC when I was 27 (I think?), but had a miscarriage at 9 weeks. We conceived again shortly after my 28th birthday and I was 28 when she was born.
She is now 14months, and I turn 30 next month.
Finances are much tighter now, as I was retrenched shortly before K was born, and still in a temp job. So times are tough, but if we'd waited DH might've chosen to wait till our finances improved again which would mean we would not have our LO yet.

They change your lives, a complete 180! Any spare money goes to them, and spending, free time, evenings out, weekends away, even to who you hang out with changes once you have a child.
Someone said here that its very hard even if you have a supportive DH. I have been both amazed and frustrated by DH involvement. Certain things he is brilliant at, while others (like losing his free time) he really isnt good with giving this up so it does cause some frustration.
TTC itself can also be a major strain on your marriage so I would say when you're ready, TTC 'casually' just having sex regularly regardless of times in your cycle. For us ladies it can become a real obsession and actually not very healthy either as stress hinders conception.

Julz once said to me (way back when!) - take your kiddy budget and double it and then you may be close to what you'll spend a month.

We have spoken about TTC next year - first casually and only if nothing by the time LG is 2 then we can try harder (hehehe). But we're both trying to prepare the baby making parts of our body with supplements, and healthy living to ensure we give our baby the best chance possible with healthy egg and sperm and pregnancy.

She is 14months now, and its only now that we are starting to have a sense of normality. I am looking forward to a few months of being me again, before doing it ALL OVER again a 2nd time (Are we crazy!!!)

And even when you think you have support, its at 2am or 4am when you REALLY need support that you're least likely to get any.

My husband and I both wanted to be young parents. My husbands opinion about it was that he still wanted to be young and energetic and grow up with his kids. I just ALWAYS wanted kids.

I left the pill a few months before we got married and fell pregnant immediately! (Oops!) Obviously thinking that it might take a while...

We were together for 3 years when I fell pregnant with our daughter and had her when I was 22 (DH was 24). I had our son at age 24 (DH was 27)

My husband and I discussed wanting Kids before we even got married, as this was important to both of us... so we new we would start a family shortly after getting married.

we started trying 2 months after we got married and conceived on our second month of trying.

my daughter was born when I was 27.

I agree with all the other moms, having a baby is hard work even with a really involved dad, I cant imagine doing it with someone who wasnt sure

good luck... hope things work themselves out

Hubby and I dated for 8 yrs before we got married, I am 6 yrs older than him. We got married in Mar 2006 andf by Jun that vbery year I has a bun in the oven, Feb 2007 my son was born. When LB was nearing 2 we tried for our 2nd one but conception didnt take place as quickly as with the first. I had 2 false alarms, but by Oct 2008 I was pregnant and my daughter was born Jul 2009 and I was 36 then......

I wish I could have started my family during my mid 20's, but unfortunately things didn't
work out that way....

Good Luck, I know how much us women wanna be moms....It's an awesome experience!

Hi
I turned 40 two weeks after M was born.
DH and I were together for 20 years and married for 1 when she was conceived.
He now says that he never really wanted to have children but because I wanted he agreed. He love M to bits and they play so wonderfully together. We now have to decide if a 2nd one is on the cards.
Like Julz said - I also chose our lives together, rather have him in my life without a lo than without him as a single mom. And decided to wait until we were in the right place and he agreed to have a lo. Looking back now I think I would probably have had a lo and be a single mom. There would have been enough supoort from my family.
I would have had her earlier and even have had a second, even as a single mom.
But that's just me, I am surprised at how fulfilled I feel as a mom.
Don't let the idea of becoming a mom take over your life. Talk openly and honestly with your dh and find out exactly why he thinks the time isn't right.