One Child or Two

Hello to all ladies! I never thought that I would have only one child. I always thought that I would have about three. My husband is the youngest of four, and I am the youngest of the two. The big family was what I always longed for. When we got married, we waited a few years to start our family. When we looked at each other and decided that it was time, I was pregnant.

My pregnancy was difficult and nothing close to glamor, which they sell on the cover of the Vanity Fair. Admittedly, I liked the idea that a little man was growing up in me. Feeling motion, listening to the heartbeat, getting into the cervix and hitting the liver; I tried to rise from the maximum together with the minima and just hug it all.

Our beautiful boy decided that he wants to get out early. Six weeks earlier.

Our son was to stay at NICU for 11 days. I was discharged in 4 days. From the hospital we had to take out an empty car seat. It was not a romantic experience, which I expected when we decided to have a child. It was traumatic. Next week, while our child was still in the NICU, I spent 12 hours or more every day there. I sometimes went home to sleep, because my husband made me leave to rest. My only goal was to get my child to meet the criteria necessary for his return home.

When he got home, it was great for a while. Then I had a wonderful case of postpartum depression. I could hardly leave my house for almost two months. You could not even ask me how I'm doing without me, torn. I had so much anxiety and trauma from his birth, I was afraid that something would go wrong, and he would have to go back to the hospital.

Postpartum depression is a terrible thing to manage. This is similar to what you experience outside the body. You can see that you act irrationally, but you do not control it. It lasted almost a year.
When our son was 2 years old, everything became a little better. It was then that people really started asking us if we have another child. I wanted to say "yes", but the idea of ​​starting everything with another child was much more than any of them could understand even now. Therefore, we will try to give an easy answer: "Perhaps soon" or "We will inform you when the time comes."

lol from 1 kid to 4? I would die!

thank you for all the support and advice ladies

Hi Tanya,

I am 37 and dh is 42. Ill be 38 when this one is born.

Dh didn't want another child after our daughter. But he was an only child and HATED it. But he literally said ok, lets try for another one, because I kept bugging him non stop. When she was 16/17 months old we fell pregnant with number 2. He actually cried he was so not ready! Lol!
When things calmed down and ds was about 2 and dd was 4 he said "Why didn't we have them closer together". Lmao!

I got the mirena when my son was born. Had it for 4 years and boom, pregnant with the 3rd. Can't find the mirena either.
Now dh is talking about a 4th baby to be close to this baba. Like seriously.. we're not talking about a pet here.

But I am homeschooling, so it wont be as expensive. And no, I don't think we'll have a 4th. But I don't think Ill be too old (if by any teeny chance we change our minds). I know woman who have delivered at 45.

Edited to add: Also one thing that made him change his mind and try for number 2 was, when we were dating. He KNEW I wanted 2 (or more). No 2 ways about it. But I know how you feel when dh says No more. I was heart broken. Hope your man changes his mind. XX

TanyaS wrote: Hi Everyone, hoping to get some advice from those of you with experience in the matter…. We have a 17 month old little girl and I would like another, but my husband doesn’t. So I am not to happy right now about it. He says we should focus on the one we have and give her as much as we can. He states our age (we are both 36) and financial reasons as his theory. Private schools and crèche is very expensive on our side of jhb and then there is medical aid, the need for a bigger house etc etc. Part of me says yes to this but another doesn’t want her to grow up alone without a sibling.It makes me very sad.

Those of you whom have only one child, what are your thoughts and advice? And how do I get over the fact that I wont have another, don’t know how to get it out of my head so I can just focus on moving forward.

Hi Tanya. Myself and my husband was exactly where you and ur husband is now. We had our first one very young. Financially and emotionally it was such a thing for us that we could never came to terms for trying again. We then decided that we were only going to have one and give her our all and we did but somewhere deep in our hearts we could never really truly accept the one child thing. We always questioned our decision. Needless to say 9 years later we made the decision to try but only for a while just to get this doubt out of our hearts. We were very open minded and decided should this not happen in certain time window then we will accept it and go on with our lives. I now have a 2 month old little girl on my lap looking at me with her big blue eyes and i will not change this for anything. 9 years later is just madness also bearing in mind my husband is almost 40 and im 34 but it was the best decision and you know what finances and all that will sort itself out. So what im trying to say is that if this is something that you cant make a final decision on and doubt then you know its something you will always wonder about. Good luck.

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Thanks

Decided to check Moomie out again. I havent been on here in more than a year!

Hi Natasha!!

Havent spoken in ages! you are looking good these days!

Hi Tanya, long time hey?

I always said I only wanted 1 child. I have 2 now and I can not imagine my life any other way. There is so much more love, it is busy and exhausting, but totally worth it.