Surrogacy after my own children and losing a baby Featured

Surrogacy after my own children and losing a baby
Izanne Ras lost her first baby. Because of that loss, it was easy for her to give.
 
She tells her story:
 
I was 21 weeks pregnant when I first found out we’re having our second child. Luckily the remaining 18 weeks flew by and on 5 December 2009 after 11 hours of being in labour, Aidrian was born at exactly 18:00. I couldn’t take my eyes of this perfect little human being I just gave life to. He was such an easy baby, we had no trouble feeding him and he only cried when he was given a bath. He was a healthy and strong baby so the doctor sent us home the day after he was born.
 
We were still settling in and finding out a routine for our family when I realized something is wrong with Aidrian. It was the morning of the 8th December. Aidrian was struggling to feed. He would suckle two or three times and then start crying. Even his cry sounded different. I informed my husband and we rushed to the doctor. After a quick examination from the doctor he instructed that we take him to the hospital where Aidrian was born. The hospital was an hour and a half away.
 
At the hospital
 
On arrival at the hospital Adrian was immediately admitted to the NICU. They did a bunch of tests and find out he had Sepsis that he got from Group B Strep. (GBS are bacteria found normally in the intestine, vagina and rectal are in about 25% of all health adult and pregnant women). My husband and I felt so hopeless, just to see our little boy lying there. But there was nothing that we could do for him at that moment. Around 22:00 that evening the nurses encouraged us to go home and get some rest. We were both so tired from all the tension of the day and we were also worried about our older four-year-old boy at home. So we went home.
 
We didn’t really sleep, I was worrying about Aidrian the whole time. Just after 03:00 my phone rang. It felt like my body turned into ice. I will never forget those words: 'I’m so sorry to tell you, unfortunately your baby didn’t make it. We’ve been trying for over an hour to resuscitate him, but he just wouldn’t come back.' I can’t remember who ended the call, I just remember running outside, screaming.
 
It is the worst feeling any parent can ever experience. I try not to remember the feelings I experienced during the first few months after he passed away. That time is still extremely difficult for me to think about. He was only three days old. The time we spent with him was so special but so little, not everyone was fortunate to meet him.
 
Need to have a baby
 
I start having the desperate need to have another baby. Not to replace Aidrian, but I needed to fill my arms, and in a way, the emptiness in me as well. Three years of hoping and praying went by. I even cried every time someone announced their pregnancy. Even though I wasn’t infertile I had a little taste of infertility in these three years. I know it is just a matter of time before I will be pregnant again but I also knew that all women aren’t that lucky.
 
My prayers were answered and in 2012, I gave birth to our baby girl, named Liza-né. Not long after she was born I fell pregnant again and when Liza-né was 14 months old, her brother, Wian, was born.
 
 
It was with my little girl’s pregnancy that made me start to think about being a surrogate. I wanted to help people who can’t have children but at the same time I was a little worried that I might get too attached to the baby. I was a bit nervous to tell my husband that I want to be a surrogate but he was fine with the idea and very supportive from the beginning. After everything that happen with Aidrain and wanting to be a surrogate, nothing in our relationship changed. By the time Wian, my youngest, was born, we were certain we wouldn’t have any more kids and I started my research on surrogacy.
 
I spent almost a year researching surrogacy and what impact it would have on our family and especially my children. But it felt like the right time and I needed to do this.
 
In February 2015 I’ve made up my mind about being a surrogate and contacted a surrogacy group I found on Facebook. (In February 2015, I got in contact with someone on a surrogacy group on Facebook),
The lady sent me all the necessary documents that I needed to complete. Everything happened so fast, the same day that I had returned the forms, I was matched with an intended father – a single man from Cape Town who had been waiting for many years for this moment.
 
Case approved
 
In June 2015,  our case was approved by the High Court, and the IVF was done on 28 October 2015
 
Living in a small town, Lichtenburg, Nortwest, things like this don’t often happen, people had questions.  “How can you just give the baby away?”; “Are you out of your mind?”; “How did you decide to be a surrogate?”
There was a very painful answer behind the last question. But I know I was doing this for the right reasons, for myself and to help somebody else.
 
The pregnancy went a lot faster. And apart from the cravings for potatoes and the smell of certain chemicals, it was the same as the others. On 28 June 2016, I brought another beautiful baby girl into the world. For exactly eight months I had carried her for someone who had almost given up on his dreams of having a child of his own. Although we’ve decide not to have any contact with her, I still think of her everyday. But I know she’s well looked after and if she wants to know me when she’s older, we will meet. Close friends and relatives were worried that I might "re-live" the loss of Aidrian if I had to go through a pregnancy and giving the baby away, but in fact it's the opposite. It's because I'd lost him, that it was easier for me to give - because I knew what it felt like to want a baby you're not even sure you'll ever have. If could take that pain away from someone, I would die a happy woman. 
 
Now, I feel more healed and a lot more at peace. I understand that things happen for a reason. If I hadn’t lost Aidrian, the single man would maybe still be waiting for his miracle baby. I feel a lot more at peace, I understand now that things happen for a reason. If I hadn't lost Aidrian, the intended family probably still would have been waiting for their baby girl.
 
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Published in Real stories
More in this category: « "My body felt empty, it literally felt like I lost a limb". She had an abortion at 18 and doesn't regret it »
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