"Those words haunted me from the moment Dr D, a well-known fertility specialist, uttered them to me on that fateful day a week before my 40th birthday in November 2012. I was en route to work and stopped at his office to get my fertility blood and laparoscopy results. I remember I was alone in his office – I had told my husband he didn’t need to come with me as this was probably going to be an information session and would be a 'where to from here' discussion. Boy – was I WRONG! In a matter of fact fashion, with the worst bedside manner I have EVER experienced, I was told that my 'plumbing' looked good from the laparoscopy but that my blood test results showed that I had 'old' eggs (FSH level of 20.7 IU/l way above the 'normal' range of between 5 and 20 IU/l) and that I would NEVER be able to have children of my own. I remember him handing me my blood test results and before leaving his office, he said that only by a miracle would I be able to have a child through IVF with a donor egg – mine were too old in his estimation. I had, quote, waited too long to have a child, unquote. He capped everything off by saying that my results were those of a pre-menopausal woman… I felt like the air had been sucked out of my universe at that precise moment. I was about to go through menopause at such an early age! I was the one who LOVED kids and always wanted one of my own, and this cold professional had just handed me a non-life sentence so to speak – I would never know the feeling of giving life to another human being – becoming a mother."
You waited too long
"Well, we don’t have control over when things happen in our life. I met my husband, Steven, at work in 2009. We fell in love and got married on the 9th of August 2011, three months before I turned 39 years old. I had been on the pill my entire adult life. I had spent so many years wishing I was not pregnant, so I thought that shortly after coming off the pill I would fall pregnant. I was sadly mistaken. Month after month we held our breath, only to have our hopes dashed with the arrival of my period. My husband has three children from previous marriages, so I was convinced the problem was with me so to speak. So nine months later we ended up in the aforementioned fertility specialist’s rooms chatting to him about what tests I needed to undergo to see if I had any fertility issues. You know from my previous comments that my world was forever changed the day I got my results and for a couple of days after that, I tried to come to terms with the thought of life without a child of my own. My stepson is a source of great joy to me and I love him with all my heart, but nothing can compare to the love you have for your own flesh and blood. I felt sorry for myself and rightly so – my worst fear had come true – I couldn’t have children (according to one professional’s opinion)."
Google became best friend
"Fast forward a week to my 40th birthday dinner with a few close friends. The mood seemed a bit somber because of our 'news' the week before, but everyone tried to keep the conversation away from kids (my friends had one little boy at the time). I had a revelation that night that a childless future was not what God had planned for me. Google became my best friend – I searched for moms with high FSH numbers (the higher the number the higher loss of ovarian function / menopause) who had gone on to have healthy babies, and their stories gave me hope. I decided then and there to find alternative means to boost my fertility without western medication – if God wanted us to have a child together, we would. One thing I was sure of was that Steven was and still is my greatest supporter together with my family and close friends."
Alternative fertility treatment
"My 40th birthday marked the beginning of my alternative fertility treatment journey. In December 2012 I started homeopathic fertility treatments with Dr Debbie Smith. It was a painless, but highly emotional journey which saw me receiving light therapy on my ovaries just before I ovulated on a monthly basis, acupuncture and homeopathic remedies. What turned out to be my issue was that my 'core' was too 'hot' and as a result I wasn’t falling pregnant. I dared for the first time to hope that these treatments would help us fall pregnant."
It happened!
"And then, out of nowhere, in July 2013 it happened. The pregnancy test showed a positive result!! Could it be? Was I really pregnant for the first time ever at 40 years old? I must have taken six tests before going to Life Fourways pathology lab to have a blood pregnancy test – that also came back positive – we were pregnant! We were BEYOND ecstatic, but scared at the same time. Then the questions started in our minds. Should we tell anyone? Should we be happy this early on with everything that can go wrong? Was it such a good idea to be having a child in our 40's? We decided to tell my sister as we are very close and she was beyond excited for us. Telling the rest of the family and friends would only take place after our 12 week scan when we were sure things were going well."
Bad news
"We made an appointment with a new gynae, Dr Naylor, for the beginning of August for an 8 week scan. We couldn’t wait! All the literature said we would be hearing our baby’s heartbeat at this scan – we were BEYOND excited but weary at the same time for some reason. Sitting in the waiting room looking at the other visibly pregnant ladies, I wondered what I would look like with a baby bump. How would I feel? We came prepared with our medical history but had to wait a couple of hours for our appointment as one of Dr Naylor’s babies decided to make their appearance early J We eventually got into his office and introduced ourselves – this was after all the first time we were meeting him. We went into the examination room and he came in and started the scan. We were both so excited – this was it! Then, Dr Naylor, with a concerned look on his face focusing on the screen, asked me to move a little this way… and then a little that way… And then the news that broke our hearts – there seemed to be a mass the size of a six week fetus, but there was no heartbeat… WHAT? You kidding right!? This can’t be happening. I suppose we knew that an early miscarriage was a possibility, but we didn’t really think it would happen to us. That same afternoon I had a DNC and we spent the next couple of days recovering by consoling ourselves that we had fallen pregnant once, so surely we could again? And we did a couple of months after the DNC (early 2014) but it was deemed a chemical pregnancy but we still had hope that we were getting closer to having a healthy pregnancy. I continued with the fertility treatments with Dr Debbie and hoped and prayed our infertility story would have a happy ending."
Raising Olivia
"The 3rd of April 2014 I took a pregnancy test as I was due to start my period soon and I had started to feel offish – and to our amazement and happiness, the test was positive again. The first time we heard our miracle rainbow baby’s heartbeat loud and strong, we (and Dr Naylor J) breathed a sigh of relief. But we were not out of the woods yet. Because of my advanced age, the risks of fetal abnormalities were higher than normal, especially Downs Syndrome. We had our 12 week scan with Dr Muller in Cape Town and held our breath whilst she keyed in the baby’s neck fold measurements and my blood test results into her Downs Syndrome risk calculator – our risk of having a Downs Syndrome baby was the same as someone in their late 20’s, so we decided against having further invasive and / or expensive tests done to find out if our baby had Downs Syndrome or not. We walked out of Dr Muller’s offices feeling on top of the world knowing our little girl (Dr Linnie was able to identify her sex at 12 weeks) was healthy and thriving. I had such an easy and healthy pregnancy and my 20 week scan showed everything was 100% with our little girl. Olivia Robin made her appearance via emergency C-Section in the early hours of the 25th of November 2014 weighing in at 2.4 kgs 12 days after I turned 42. Our faith was tested one last time when Olivia chocked on her last feed before we were going to be discharged from hospital and spent seven long days without me in the NICU and High Care unit of Sandton Mediclinic. On Friday 5 December 2014 we were able to take Olivia home and we have never looked back. Olivia is now a boisterous, healthy and independent two-year-old who is giving us a run for our money, but we are enjoying every moment (okay – not the moments when she is throwing a fit because she can’t get her way) raising her."
"Being a mom is the scariest, most rewarding thing I have ever done in my nearly 45 years on this earth. To those of you who have been told to give up – don’t. This is YOUR life and no-one can tell you what you should and shouldn’t do, be it fertility treatments (western or otherwise) or IVF or adoption. If you are destined to have a child, you will find the strength to keep on keeping on. No-one’s journey is ever the same and what worked for me may not work for you, but is it not worth the try?"
Do you have an amazing story to share? Email chat@moomie.co.za with your story and it could be featured as our #realstories.