Smacking ........ from the toddler, not the parent

Wow Sal - sounds hectic!! And you are right, he probably is doing it to get your attention. Emily's hitting is getting less, and you can also see her make the conscious decision to stop herself now from hitting. Very proud of her. Only been 2 days that we have just told her "No, we do not hit, hitting is bad" and then we usually put her down if she was on our laps or walk away from her if we were playing with her. She sometimes cries and then we go back to her and just re-inforce the message: "We do not hit, hitting is bad" and she has even said sorry and given a hug of her own accord a few times. So we are getting there

Another thing we realised we were doing was when she hurts herself by tripping over something or knocking into something etc, we would hit the object and say "Bad table" whatever. So, we now realise that we were teaching her that when something hurts you, you hit it. So, our own fault actually!!!! WE have stopped doing that and I have also decided not to smack her AT ALL!!! As I said earlier in the thread I have smacked her very lightly a VERY few times (like maybe 5 times at most). But thinking about it now, (over and above all the other reasons why I don't like smacking kids) if you want to teach your child that hitting is wrong, how can you do that when you hit him/her? mixed messages definitely. And toddlers are confused enough by the world as it is.

Hi ladies

Finding this thread very informative. My three year old is hitting and although i feel really angry that he does it (when he cant go outside/when he cant have chocolate for supper etc) I understand that he is frustrated. He has a very good vocab and often tells me he doesnt like me and i am not his friend when i dont allow him to do something. But i feel that at 3 years and 5 months he really should not be hitting me. I must add that he never hits his dad when he is angry only me. I have catch his arms when i see the hit coming and explain to him its wrong but then he tries it again so i place him on the couch, put the tv off and close his toyroom and explain to him that hitting me because he is cross is not nice etc.

GW do you think the advice your provided at the beginning of this thread (which is wonderful by the way) applies to my boys age or should I be more strict? I have looked on the internet and they say i need to explain to him, place him in the naughty corner but he does the same thing a little while later. He is a sweet child but when he doesnt get his way well then his temper flies really high.

Thanks

Ladies, thank goodness for this thread. I have a 22 month and a 6 month old, both boys. I'm going mad!!!! The oldest has been hitting me pretty much since his brother was born. We also have a problem now with him hitting both me and his younger brother. We have tried ignoring it. We have tried smacking, we have tried 'the naughty cushion', nothing works. Its like he does it on purpose to get a response. His poor younger brother is an angel (at the mo) and hardly gets any attention as we are constantly trying to control the older one. I'll try a few of the suggestions in this thread when I have the strength

GW - I think if people can realise that we are actually raising adults and that EVERYTHING we teach them now moulds the type of adult they will become, parenting will be looked at differently.
Its so easy to get caught up in "parenting a child"and forget that actually they won't be children for long and our job is not to raise well mannered children but rather stable, confident individuals right into adulthood. We need to help our kids be the best "them" that they possibly can be and that starts in these young years.

What helps me tons is that every time we discipline Emily, I try and remember to ask myself: "What is this teaching her?" or better yet: "What lifeskill is this teaching her?" And as I said before, I don't always do the right thing, so good to debate and hear others opinions.

As for number 2, thats's why I am waiting for a 3 or more year age gap. I would like to be able to give Emily our 100% attention and focus right now. I think year 1.5-3 is so important for their development and its where they test the boundaries the most. I am not naive enough to believe for one minute that it stops after 3 though, but I do believe that if you have managed to help them understand "the way the world works" things do get easier and its more reinforcing teachings from there on out.

BUT, I have mostly heard that it gets easier with number 2 - please don't spoil that illusion for me, I hold onto that hope

A colleague of mine has 20 month old twins and a 3 month old baby - BLESS HER!!!!!!

Deja said:

Two kids aren't THAT hard.

I am glad you say that! We are seriously considering whether if we should have another child or not. So many of my friends get this evil grin and laugh who has 2 children and then explains that 1 child is honeymoon, wait for number 2! That really has me thinking whether if I will cope. Anyway, that is a discussion for another day.

I totally agree with you with the acting out when tired. This is where I believe the parent comes in to be the wiser one and guides the child to reclaim himself by taking a "time-out" or more like a break from stimulation and rest for a while. So many parents harshly punish kids in this moment, while it is clear that the child is overstimulated and need some guidance (in a loving way).

thanks flowergirl, I take that as a compliment.

I don't get a lot of compliments if I say to anyone that I don't use punishments or star charts! You should see the grand parents faces who believes in "children should be seen and not heard" mentality!

Anyway, good luck with the hitting in the face, I know it's not nice when someone hits you in the face.