Smacking ........ from the toddler, not the parent

o, forgot to add.

You know the process is beginning to work when she tells me I need to take a time-out and breath! She is usually right. I tell her that I need a minute to calm myself on my bed and that I need some space please. I tell her that I am not rejecting her, I love her very much but I need to cool off. The best way to teach your child something is by setting a good example.

I believe that a parent can be real and have good and bad days, I don't hide this from my child.

Always use "I" statements when reprimending her. Dont use words that label children as "naughty" or other negative labels.

Make sure your expectations of her is age appropriate. I find a lot of the tension is caused because parents expect unrealistic behaviour from a child that is not physically able to do so.

Hi flowergirl,

It is very NORMAL for toddlers to do this. Imagine you don't have the language skill to verbalise your emotions.

I believe in trying to teach a child how to verbalise his emotions and taking controll of it. It is a long journey, but my goal is to reach a child who is able to practice self-dicipline when it comes to managing her emotions.

My approach to hitting for a 2 - 3 year old:

1. If you see a smack is on its way, firmly (but without hurting your child) stop the blow by grasping her hand/arm. Then say in a firm but calm voice that hitting is not allowed.

2. If you don't have the reflexes of Neo from the Matrix, then gently pick up your child and remove her from the spot and take her to a "safe space". It can be a soft chair for your child only or her bed. Tell her as soon as possible that hitting is not allowed and you would like her to calm herself. Give her alternatives to hitting for letting out frustration. Experts recomend different strategies, like hitting a pillow (my LO has never been interested in this), or stamping your feet, verbalising how angry you are at mommy etc. I prefer to sit with my LO on her bed and encourage her to take deep breaths. As she gets older (2,5 years), encourage her to start thinking about what just happened. You could tell her it is a good idea to apologise for hurting someone when she has cooled down. I am not a fan of forcing a toddler to say sorry when she clearly isn't. The idea is to stop the imediate bad behaviour and try and get the child to take charge of her emotions. With time a child will learn to better express frustrations and know when to take a voluntary time-out.

3. The most important thing is to emphasise that she may express any emotion she wishes, but is not allowed to hurt someone else or to break things. Tell her, that you can see that she is angry at you now for .....fill in the blank, give a reaon why you stand firm to your boundary and offer a possible solution for the problem or give a choice.

There are many ways to stop the hitting, but you have to ask yourself what are you trying to teach your child with your dicipline style? I can think of many ways to stop the hitting, but it will be damaging to the self-esteem of the child and does not encourage problem solving and emotional inteligence.

This works for us, although I know this approach is very uncommon.

Mignione used to do this as well, but we used the naughty corner - super nanny method. To me smacking is totally unacceptable (from her..I also didn't smack up and till a few months back). She stopped it in the meantime and we still use naughty corner for her which works really well!

Oh B did this too, on the one hand I think it's normal, on the other hand I saw it got worse if I did it back - it would be like a tennis match - smack, smack, smack, smack.

For me it usually happened when I held her or had her sitting on the couch with me etc. I'd stay calm, get up, say "no hitting me" in my stern voice and leave (or walk away in our open plan kitchen/dining/living room area) leaving her where she was. It took two or three times but when she didn't get any reaction and clearly didn't make me go mental (shouting mad etc) she got over it very quickly - it was just too boring.

When she follows me I usually just distracted her like nothing happened "lets go build you puzzle" (happy, cheery voice) you get the picture. Good behavior = mommy attention, bad behavior = no attention

Hi Ladies

I know the forum is terribly quiet at the moment and not many people trawling around, but hopefully someone sees this who can help?

I am really not sure how to handle this one. Emily (20 months old) has recently decided that it is a good idea to smack mommy through the face when she is angry

I am not sure what the best reaction from me is in this instance. As it is, I have just stared at her in shock (which has landed me an extra smack through the face incidentally). She does not do it to anyone else, I am the only one who gets this special treatment. Each time I reprimand her, I get a smack through the face. She does not get smacked really - I do not allow her dad or my mom (who looks after her while i am at work) to smack her. I have on the odd occassion smacked her hand or bottom very softly, but does not happen often. Her dad says something and she jumps - she is terrified of his stern voice!! Mine, not so much.

Anyone have any bright ideas as to how I can stop the smacking?????

GW - are you out there?? I know you have done a fair amount of reading up on toddler behaviour, etc. Maybe you can help?