Trying for a 2017 Baby

@Anzel... As I sit here in tears behind my laptop, I feel at a complete loss for words and to what I could possibly type to make you feel even just 1% better than you do right now! Your story sounds so very similar to mine. Last year my SIL announced that they were expecting their 2nd. 6 weeks later we found out that our IUI was successful! It seemed like the start of an absolute dream! But just as quickly as we got excited, we found out that it was a partial molar pregnancy, which I ended up miscarrying, which was heart wrenching all on it's own... but of course, the cruel joke wasn't over just yet.... 4 weeks after my D&C, my HCG levels were still sitting at the 2500 level. A piece of the placenta had been left behind and was happily growing in my uterus.. Long story and 12 weeks of Chemo later, we were given the all's clear, told my levels had to remain at 0.4 for at least 5 months before we could consider trying again.... So here I am now, trying again after all of that... Trust me when I tell you that I have cried those very same tears. I have screamed, cried, had my heart ripped to shred, felt worthless, hopeless, hated myself for not being able to grow my little family, pushed my 13 year old son away, fought with my husband, the list is endless and there is absolutely NOTHING that anyone can say that honestly makes you feel better.... Sometimes I think I am the biggest sucker for punishment and that I am slowly but surely losing my mind! What's the definition of insanity? “Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results.".... But what is the alternative? Honestly? For me? There simply isn't one! I WANT TO HAVE ANOTHER BABY! It's that simple! I want to have a healthy pregnancy, albeit with the absolute worst morning sickness known to man, the most horrendous constipation and back ache, I don't care! I will suffer in silence and grin and bear it all if it means that I get to hold my baby in my arms 9 months later! If I get to watch that little soul grow and if I am blessed enough to give as much of myself, my love and my all to that little miracle! Is that REALLY so much to ask?
Yet here we sit..... Life sucks and its so very far from being fair!

I sit and read the posts here, and you know what hits me the most, each and every time? Every single one of you on here TRULY DESERVES to be a mom! Every single one of you have put your bodies and minds, emotions and hearts through so very much to get to this very point! I can't sit here and promise that each and every one of us will walk away from this with our deepest desire being fulfilled, but just know that each of you are absolutely incredible, selfless, inspirational, amazing woman and all of you truly do deserve the very very best!

Hi, ladies

I am having a terribly emotional few days. On Sunday was our six month anniversary since I miscarried our first in May. And AF is due tomorrow and got two BFNs - One on Sunday and one this morning. I am therefore assuming that this is also a failed cycle, and I'm gutted.

This whole TTC thing is getting me down. It's been 30 cycles off BC, numerous doctor and specialist visits, many blood tests, loads of medication and supplements, and huge amounts of $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$. And still nothing. I was so hoping to get a BFP before Christmas, but I'm starting to lose hope that it will ever happen. Although I am ovulating, we are still not conceiving as we have hoped. And this is devastating. And to make matters worse, my SIL just announced that her Cesarean section is scheduled for the 25th of this month. For those of you who don't know, we were two weeks apart in pregnancy, when I miscarried.

It's all just too much. How do you stay positive? Every cycle it's the same thing: Hope, pray, believe... And then the major let down and disappointment. I know they say I should trust in God's timing, but I'm so tired of waiting and praying and hoping and nothing happens. I just don't get it. Everyone told me in May, don't worry, at least you know you can get pregnant. By December you will be pregnant again... Well, that was a lie...

I'm just so depressed and emotional today. I know that I'm ranting a bit, but you ladies understand what I'm going through. None of my family members ever went through what we are going through - All of them got pregnant easily and had healthy pregnancies and babies. So they don't understand.

I've decided that I'm done with the TTC thing - I just need to figure out how to make peace with our infertility and move on. Any ideas? Hubby is not keen on adoption or IVF, so that is not option at all for us at this stage. Well, that's enough of my sad story...

@ Sammy "they" have no idea! It seems like everywhere i go pregnant ladies and babies are following me It's really the only thing i see, feels like a epidemic and i'm the only one who has not been affected!

@ jooste my hubby is definitely the same. He has already oozed off into his own thing and has put the fail behind him. I really wish we could brush things off like they do!

@ angel and today i come and bash my own positivety! I'm sure when AF leaves i'll feel a whole lot better!

Morning ladies

@Liza hun your positivity on this group is infectious!I am sorry to hear about your bfn and hope that your ttc journey will give you a strong bfp on the next round.

@chanti & @jooste fx double crossed for you gals!!! Will be so great to have some good news on this forum

@nicola when are you seeing the specialist?Hun don't let nobody be telling you what you have to do and what not, if they were in the same boat they wouldn't judge

@ayesha any news yet???

AFM cd5 second day on Fertomid, have to see the good old doc on 24 Nov. So patiently (as i can be) waiting to finosh meds and see if we can get these follies big! Some good news though, my cysts are less than they were with previous cycle thanks to the Primolut and upped dosage of Glucophage.


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@Liza.... Can I scream for you??? Scream how unfair life is?? Scream and cry and just let all this built up hurt and frustration out? My heart is breaking for you right now! We all know how you are feeling, and it's the absolute worst! I wish I could say something positive and uplifting right now to you... Which I could give you pearls of wisdom... but words fail me, because I feel upset and hurt, disappointed and frustration, right along with you! I am so very sorry to have read this! But don't suppress your emotions, don't listen to anyone who says "it'll happen" or "be patient", because I can bet none of them have been down this road! Loads of hugs and love to you! Just try remember to be good to yourself and to your loved ones today!

@Jooste - That tww is an absolute killer! Keep yourself busy they say.... Don't think about it they say.... Clearly though, these mysterious "THEY" people have never had to agonise and fret through a tww! Best of luck and many many blessings to you!

@Chanti - oh my word.... oh my word.... I ad this EXACT issue last week!!! I was living on prunes (can you say sugar rush???), chia seeds, bran, and just about ANYTHING people were recommending would work, and guess what? None of it did!!!! My FS did also mention Dulpholac Dry to me, last year when I was pregnant though, tried it then and had explosive results (TMI) so please "Handle with Care!!!!".... Otherwise, I am someone who has Chronic constipation, so this is all nothing new to me. Have you ever heard of a product (I have to import it because I haven't found a SA alternative) It's called "Natural Calm"... It's magnesium Oxide.... I started originally using it because of my insomnia and restless legs and one of the side effects was that it helped solve my tummy issues and from everything I have read online etc it can be taken while ttc and while preg

AFM... CD8 today..... I am becoming a visualisation queen... every time I remember to, I visualise my follicles growing and am constantly telling myself that my SMALLEST follie is going to be 18mm on Friday morning! This time has GOT to be it! It just has to!

Ai dear Liza
This is not an easy road -
Not by far-

I know how you feel. AF is the absolute cruelest "thing" to deal with after any failed cycle (especially IVF or MC). It is a constant 5 day or longer reminder of what could have been. My DH finds it difficult to understand as he seems to be moving on after day 2. Every toilet visit however feels like another blow into the pit of my stomach and keeps the feeling of "loss" so alive.

Take good care of yourself. Do not be too hard on your emotions and cry as much as you want to / need to. You will feel better again - it just takes time....

Morning lady friends!

So AF decided to show last night. This is a very low day for me ... I've never thought that this journey would be so hard. I really feel like giving up and the next day i find myself just going again.

So it seems like were leaving the frosties until mid next year. Hubby has a huge plan with our finances and wants to get our vehicles paid off. He says then we'll have enough funds to pay for the treatments immediately without taking it out of our savings.

In the meantime were going to do all it takes to get hubby's count to go up more and try at home. Any tips would be greatly appreciated! At this stage his only taking Staminogro and it has made a huge difference.

@ Chanti relax and let that little embie snuggle in!!

@ Jooste just like me, i am not patient! Good luck!

@ Nicola good luck with your appointment. It's the best decision to go for a second opinion! We know our bodies!

@ ayesha any news hun?