Jan / Feb 2017 Babies

Yes - we sure did not expect this happening -

I am sitting here feeling desperately depressed and crying out: "What now"?
When does one stop going through this over and over again? When is it enough? When should I quit trying to have another baby. I really wanted to experience a feeling that we have completed our family, but I do not feel that. DH and I have always wanted a big family -

I spend the whole morning with my children in bed until about 9am and then dropped her off at kindergarden only. (Luckily they do not mind). While sitting with them on the bed, it made me realise that there is still another soul or two to add to our family. We are not completed yet. I cannot seem to shake that feeling off. I so wish I could have just closed this chapter or season in my life and be content with only 2 children.

We have been on this fertility road since May 2009 - it has been so long. (And I realise while I am writing this that it has been longer for many of you with more IVF's and more MC's). It has changed me in so many ways. And - I do not always believe that it has changed me for the good.

For instance: Maybe if I completely trusted that this little soul would remain with us - he/she would have not left us know. I was so concerned throughout. Could it be my faith?

Why would He make be fall pg - just to take it away again......4 times in a row. And this one...at this late stage. Again, I know that there is no answers -

And you know what I dread the most? That feeling when waking up tomorrow after the D&E and feeling your uterus cramping as a reminder that what was there is no longer there anymore. ANd all the "sorry-for-you-faces" of the nurses and then the heartache that follows the weeks thereafter. I so wish I did not know what was lying ahead.....

Jooste

I had hope for you this time, I really did not see this one coming, you are in my prayers. I am so hurt I can't imagine how you feel.

I will keep you in my prayers my cyber friend.

Jooste I am so so sorry for your loss. We all know that our words cannot even mean anything right now. But please remember we are all here praying for you.

Oh Jooste I am soooo sorry to hear about your loss! Words cannot describe how devastated you must feel right now
Just know that we are all thinking of you and have you in our thoughts and prayers.

Hang in there sweetie - sending you loads of hugs
xx

Jooste I am so so sorry for your loss, stay strong and know that we are all thinking of you

Im so sorry to hear about your loss Jooste man that's heartbreaking. Stay strong ♡♡

I am SO sorry Jooste!! I am thinking of you and you are in my prayers!!