Feeling alone in my pregnancy

Hi Swartkat,

I agree I do talk to some of my friends about baby business, but it is tricky seeing them. And yes, I've actually been very much over the party scene for the past 2 years anyway so that's not an issue for me

As for my social life, I don't need much, as indeed I did marry my best friend and he is truly the best companion I could ever ask for, but I would be lying if I said that I haven't been longing for just one or two couple friends who are on the same page as DH and myself, just for that once in 2 weeks/month dinner type of thing, as our current friends do find it very difficult to relate to us at this stage. So that's why I'm so keen to meet up with other mommies-to-be.

I may have taken Antz08's post a bit personally, but I am just a little bit tired of the attitude many people have that pregnant women should just shut-up and be happy. I agree that bearing with the physical side of pregnancy isn't something to complain about, as your body is doing something so miraculous, but reaching out for support from women in the same space shouldn't be regarded as a bad thing at all. It's exciting and terrifying having your first baby and it's difficult to explain to someone who isn't there with you!

Hi Joans,

I get what you are saying, I think it's ok to feel a bit worried about isolation. I think your friends probably just don't know how to respond to you, because this baby-business is obviously a new thing in your circle of friends. Don't be afraid to talk about your pregnancy with your friends, it's ok to get excited and talk baby-stuff with them. Otherwise, they might think you are being the weird one who doesn't want to interact "now that you're pregnant".

Don't worry too much about your social life after the baby is there, your real friends will stick with you, even if you now have to meet up for lunches instead of dinners.

And as for smokey bars, I can guarantee you that once this baby arrives you would much rather be in bed at 9pm than in a club

You are about to become a family, and you married your best friend, right? You have all the companionship you need, don't worry. You will be fine and you will be an awesome mommy.

Hi Antz08,

I think you're misunderstanding our plight a little. I can't speak for everyone else, but believe me when I say that I have read the TTC forums, as that's what was staring my DH and I in the face according to the doctors. So we are INCREDIBLY grateful that things happened naturally, it's really a little miracle baby we're having. It did, however, happen a good 4 years before we were planning to even start TTC, as we literally just got married, already at a very early age (I'm 23, DH 28), and so drinking with our old friends in smoky bars isn't exactly something I can take part of now.

I know once little one goes to school I'll meet many new mommies, but suddenly being cut-off from your old friends can make you feel a little bit lonely in the process, and making new friends can be a bit daunting to some (especially if you're not sure where to start looking). So believe me when I say I'm not complaining about the fact that I'm pregnant one bit, and I wouldn't trade it for the world, but I do feel somewhat lonely, and I'm glad we're talking about our feelings on this forum, as it's opened up a lot of people to meet up, which I think is really great.

I wouldn't complain about my ligament pains or nausea or back pain for one second, because my baby growing inside me is more than worth it, but I do think pregnant women shouldn't be judged for talking about feeling isolated. Especially with a first pregnancy everything is new and scary, and I wholeheartedly believe that having support from women going through the same thing (with all the hormones and ups and downs) is so important, as it can feel like nobody else understands the changes you are going through not only physically, but mentally too.

Just my two cents

Hi ladies

Shoo you making it sound like its the end of your social lives, having children. You adapt! You find friends, sometimes via antenatal classes or once you children are school going age (even if it is at 4months)...

Please go read up on the Trying to Conceive thread and be grateful that you are able to fall pregnant, albeit earlier than your friends!

I am sorry for the rant but you ladies need to put it all into persepctive.

Hi Momarend, I wish you were in cape town. I am also 30 and feeling exactly the same. All my close friends are so busy with their lives, I have hardly seen them. I am also the first to have a baby and feeling a bit isolated and lonely.

Hi Joans.

So nice, well not for the part that we are all feeling isolated, to hear I am not alone.

Sounds like you have had quite the roller coaster ride, but so happy for you that things also happened naturally for you.

Such a pity we are miles apart, but let's stay in contact via the forum. Let me know if you want to get in closer contact on FB or email.

Wishing you all the best and speak soon!

Hi Momarend,

I know EXACTLY what you're going through. With me it's even worse as my husband and I are having a honeymoon baby (unplanned) and we already got married first out of all our friends, most of them aren't even in relationships yet. We really wanted kids and the doctors actually said we would have to save up for IVF so we're definitely grateful that things just happened for us naturally, but it has left us quite isolated socially. My husband is wonderful, and because we were facing infertility he is so happy and supportive of my pregnancy, sometimes it feels like its more 'real' to him than it even is to me! I have one friend who also unexpectedly fell pregnant about 7 weeks after I did, which is nice, but I would love to meet some other moms-to-be in more or less the same space, as I am also avoiding social gatherings of my old group of friends (smoky bars aren't exactly my idea of fun right now, nor will it ever be again). Unfortunately I also live in Cape Town so I can't really help on the mommy-gathering front, but do know that you're not alone! x