Smacking ........ from the toddler, not the parent

MommyN, 14 month gap? Wow, respect lady!

At first I didn't like the fact that my LG expressed her negative emotions verbally towards me. But then I realised what a milestone it is to be able to put your emotions in words. I agree with you that the fact that they can start to comunicate with words helps a lot.

Well done for letting your LG take a self chosen time-out! I think it is something to be proud of!

MommyN said:

Its ok to get angry, sad, disappointed, even jealous, its how we express these feelings that we need to teach/show our kids! And this from me who bottles things up and then sometimes I explode...

I can identify with this. I was raised that it is not okay to verbalise your negative emotions and bottled up like you said. It is one of the best gifts you can give your child: the freedom to be able to express her emotions in a safe loving environment without fear of refjection. It is our job as parents to guide them how to do this skillfully.

Thanks GW for your advise, good as always

I must say, my 2 yr old, 3 in Sept, was hitting me, nothing badly, but then does any victim of abuse ever admit it is bad? Well, I was just trying to keep the peace, with a 14 month gap between her and her brother, it wasn't easy. And Nathan was 7 weeks prem, so I think physchologically, I thought I was given a mountain to conquer.

There were 2 points for me:

1. I had to choose not to be the victim. That I WOULD NOT and DID NOT LIKE the hitting. Even if the peace was broken, and baby was sleeping, I WOULD NOT ALLOW hitting. It was hard, it took time for me to actually get to this realisation. I DID allow the hitting in the beginning.

2. It has got better since she can communicate. She tells me she is cross with me, and she tells me i am "naughty" because I wont give her this or allow that, or insist on clothes being worn when its 10 degrees etc! For the first time the other day, she said she will "run" away, she meant go sit in the garden!

Also, lately, we have some days where the wheels fall off, and then I find her playing by herself in the room, or reading, I see it as her time away. Its a quality I am happy she has. We all need some time to self reflect.

Its ok to get angry, sad, disappointed, even jealous, its how we express these feelings that we need to teach/show our kids! And this from me who bottles things up and then sometimes I explode...

GW - I am picturing the chicken dance and cracking up over here!!

I have to brush Barneys teeth twice a day as well!! Thankfully, I found a plastic barney!! THen barney has to rinse too! As for getting dressed, she is happy to get dressed as long as you tell her that the clean clothes are pretty! (not sure how long that is gonna last for)! And for right now, she is more than happy to clean up after herself by picking up toys, taking dishes to the sink etc. Only problem is that if a bowl does not look dirty to her, it goes back into the cupboard and no amount of convincing gets her to believe that it needs to be washed first. So, I just let that be and take it out later.

These kids

But then the best kept secret of parenting (in my opinion).........

Humour + roleplaying + play = less power struggles

I have tried the firm stern voice "please pick up your toys, its time to take a bath, time for your medicine". It doesn't work. Commanding a child invites a power struggle in my experience.

By nature I am a very serious person (although I do enjoy good humour). It wasn't easy for me to start acting like a clown. If you can turn "boring mundane tasks" into a fun game, you are in for success. I actually feel a bit guilty because I feel it is so easy to get her to do things she really doesn't want to do by turning it into a game.

Here are just a few examples:

putting her own dirty dishes into the kitchen zinc -

We do a "chicken dance" where we try and walk like a chicken (think that song "walk like an egyptian") and we make chicken sounds on our way to the zinc.
Sometimes I ask her to use her plastic bike to take the dishes back. She loves this.

Brushing teeth -

Her tigger soft toy brushes teeth with her everyday. You have to do a convincing tigger voice with a bit of a lisp.

getting dressed -

We have various "getting dressed dances" but it often entails lifting your arms and reaching for the stars (then pull over the shirt over her head). We might sing a song about stars and try to reach for them. Other times we need to "jump" like a tiger into the pants.

potty training -

We have setup an area in her room marked with masking tape on the floor indicating her own personal bathroom. She has a wind-up music toy that plays music while she sits on the potty in this area. I am not allowed to come in unless I knock on the wooden drawer closeby.

I have learned to do so many silly sounding voices playing various roles on behalf of her soft toys. She absolutely loves it! I can get her to do almost anything if one of her toys give her medicine etc.

They really learn through play. If you can make it fun, chances are that she will co-operate!

have a good weeeek-end ladies!

NicoleP, I am glad to hear that have seen a change in your little boys behaviour. I think that is what motivates me, the difference in her behaviour is more loving and caring if she is treated in the same way. But know that there are just some bad days where no parenting book can offer any help. On those days, just try to breath....

Flowergirl, You are hilarious!!!! Just know that I am high-maintenance if you would like me in a box!

GW - that would explain why soooo mnay people struggle with what has been labelled "Suicide hour" from the time they walk in from work until the kids are in bed. Mommy is stressed from work and traffic and having to cook, feed the family, etc.etc. No wonder kids act up at this time!!! Everyone else around them is tense!!

GW - please can I pack you in a box (ar at the very least your brain) and take you home with me???? Pretty, pretty please.

Thanks GW

I have been implementing the loving, calm motion with K and although its still not a 100% yet, i noticed change yesterday when he smacked me in the face and he immediatly said sorry and hugged me and i could see by the expression on his face that he realized (a little bit to late) that it was wrong and as such was apologetic a split second later which made me really happy.

Such wonderful advice going on here!