Trying for a 2017 Baby

@ Anzel i'm reading your post and to me it feels like i'm reading my own story.

Having a MC was definitely the hardest thing to accept! Emotionally it took me a while to come to terms. We still believe that God will bless us with a LO when the time is right.

Give yourself enough time to grief and when you and hubby are ready get back on the TTC wagon.

10000 of hugs!

Hi, ladies

Just wanted to give you an update as to how we are doing. It's been a tough few days - Today especially has been rough on me. My heart is really broken - It is such a traumatic experience, trying my best to get through it asap.

If you don't mind, I would like to share my experiences - It helps me to come to terms with what happened. If not, please just skip on along to the next post.

I started have brown spotting the Saturday before Mothers Day, but wasn't too concerned as I read that it is normal during early pregnancy to spot a little. By Monday, however, my symptoms where starting to subside and I started feeling worried. I was supposed to be seven weeks pregnant when I decided to do another Clearblue test - I came back positive, but only 2-3 weeks. I knew then that something was not right. My HCG levels should read at least 3+ weeks for where I was in my pregnancy. I decided then to do another Beta HCG test, which came back at 4575 last Wednesday. I cried the whole day after I got the results, because then I knew for certain something has wrong. It did increase, but not the way it should have increased.

I mailed my gynae and he asked me to come in on Thursday for an ultrasound - We saw the baby and the gestational sac, but it measured six weeks, instead of almost 8 weeks pregnant. There was also no heartbeat. Gynae said that all he could say is that he is seeing a baby and a sac, but that there's no heartbeat. It could be that we calculated the dates wrong, so we he gave me progesterone suppositories and aspirin and sent me home with the scan pictures and another appointment to see him on the 24th of May 2016. I went home feeling better, convinced that I had just calculated my dates wrong. I was so in love with the baby, the little blip on the ultrasound picture - I even placed it on our fridge.

I started having cramps and more spotting Thursday night, but I attributed it to the progesterone or anxiety. Went to bed early and decided not to go to work on Friday, as I needed some rest after the emotionally taxing week. I remember waking up to spotting still and cramping plus lower backache. I was concerned, but tried not to stress too much. I even joked with my parents about constipation causing the discomfort. That was at 9:30. I started working on my book, although my heart was troubled because of the spotting and cramping. At just after 10:30, I started getting painful cramping and lower backache, just like I normally get during AF. Rush to the toilet and saw the blood and clotting. I remember shouting NO! My whole body went numb, then all tingly, I could feel my blood pressure rising rapidly. Texted my mom and husband, while getting dressed. Husband rushed home and we rushed to the ER, while I was on the phone with my Gynae. My blood pressure was almost 200/140 by the time we got to the ER. I was so afraid, but I knew that I had lost the baby already.

My gynae asked us to come around to his office and he did another ultrasound - The baby and sac we saw just the day before, was gone. I was heartbroken, but decided to stay calm. Doc said we will do a D&C that same day, and that I should get checked in at the hospital. Through all of this, I was still in denial. My heart was breaking, but I couldn't cry. I wanted to be strong, to be ok. It's only when I was in the hospital bed with the drip in my arm and pain killers shot in my bum, when I broke down and cried. Luckily the pain shot was very strong, so it made me sleep. My parents drove over 1000km to be with me after they got the news. They unfortunately only got here after I was released from hospital. The D&C was successful and I was sent home the very same night.

Over the weekend it all felt surreal. I developed a runny and crampy tummy, was an emotional wreck and still tried to be ok, for the sake of my husband and parents. Sunday, however, my mom, who is a pastor and grief counselor, decided that we should have a funeral for the baby I'd lost. We rolled up the ultrasound photo and put in in a glass jar, then had a proper burial in our garden, with flowers and a cross with dates on it and white stones. I cried like it was the end of the world. My heart ached sooo much. Sunday night, however, I woke up to husband crying - He tried to be strong for me, but it was also hurting him so badly. We tried so long to have a baby, and we wanted this baby so badly. Yet God decided to take it away from us again.

Well, it is Tuesday and my parents are back home and hubby is at work. I'm still booked off, only returning to work on Thursday. Today it really caught up to me. I've been crying since I woke up this morning, and I'm crying still as I write this. I would never understand the will of God and why these things happen. I now really know and understand what Jillian and Nikita and every other women on this platform who suffered from such a loss is going through. It is something that I cannot describe. They say don't mock a pain you don't know. I believe life starts at conception - So even though my baby stopped developing at 6 weeks due to hormones or whatever reason there may be, I loved this child of mine, it was alive in me, it heart my heartbeat from the inside. I was a mom, even for only a short period of time.

Husband and I have decided to start TTC immediately after the bleeding from the D&C stopped. We are both still very emotional and hurting, but we know that everything works for the good of those who love God. He will give us peace and another little baby to hold. Our rainbow baby. We just need to be still and know that He is God.

Thanks for reading and your support. It helps getting it off my chest. Much love.

Hello ladies, sorry for my recent silence. Decide to take a break from TTC as it became more of a chore than having fun and was exhausting both myself and my partner. So we decided to step back.

However I just want to know does anyone know where I can find Royal Jelly in Cape Town. I heard and read that its really good for kidney disease and my sister inlaw suffers from stones so we want to get her some of that?

Good luck to everyone still trying...


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Hey Ladies!

It's been a while....

@Anzel - I am so sorry to hear about your loss xxx My heart aches for you. Be strong and know that He is with you. Sending you so much love. Know that I am thinking about u

How are the rest of you doing? Any serious TWWers???? I miss the excitement of going through the cycle with you ladies!!

@Annabelle - FX for a BFP!

@Nikita - How are you doing on your 'Freedom' run?? It actually feels good not tracking everything hey.

AFM, no update, We haven't managed to raise the funds to start IVF next month and so I am kind of having to accept that it will probably only happen next year.. It's just one of those things and I am putting my trust in God.

Happy BD'ing to all you going through the Big O and fingers crossed for those in the TWW

I am so sorry Anzel, may God give you strength during this time. At least now you know that you can get pregnant and can try again. I pray that God will grant you your heart's desires in Jesus Christ Name.

so sorry that you are going through this Anzel!

thinking of you and sending lots of hugs and well wishes your way

Ai Anzell I am so very sorry that you have to go through this. It is horrible
I am here if you want to chat, it takes time to heal.

be safe and you are in my thoughts xxx