Confinement period

I am not so much secluding or isolating myself, we do go out, we do see other people, I just take it day by day. Sometimes I feel like company, sometimes I feel like staying in bed with my baby and partner.

My family was not so understanding at first... but due to circumstances changing they have had the opportunity to see her... my mother, grandmother and sister have held her on occasion. But when she was born my family didn't bother us or asked us immediately when they can hold her. We were just getting use to the idea of being parents ourselves.

@NitaC. Thank you for clarifying that this is not your usual "We're all a big, Happy family" kind of scenario. & I also suggested on your welcome page that you maybe copy what you wrote there about your birth experience and post it here as well.

It definitely gives a bit more perspective to what you are / what you have been through & why you are reacting the way you are.

Sounds like a hell of a lot to deal with at once. Even with the "perfect" birth, the 1st few weeks of being a mom can be a trying time so with all the added difficulties you 7 your partner are facing, it really can't be easy...

Unfortunately a yuck situation.

My husband and I got married last year.
We were together for 16 years and had 3 kids.

There was a certain pressure from his side of the family- but we are adults and we get to decide.
We did make it very clear very early on that we are adults, this is our life, this is how we choose to live it.
You either slot in, or you ship out.

No fights, no long protracted discussions - our house, our children, our rules.

We made it very clear early on and life got easier. But K supported me and we were on the same page.

Family can be pretty grim - and not ideal on too many levels.
But that is the sh*t we are dealt with.

You also need to set your boundaries and then live accordingly.
Trying to set up walls to keep them out because they are chops (and they are) unfortunately does more damage than good.

I totally get what you are saying.

Motherhood is not all soft lighting like the magazines show it.

Most of it is crying in the bathroom at 2am and stupid people making stupid comments.

I do suggest you break your present "confinement" for your sanity and for future peace in your family.

Sometimes it is not always easy having to "act" like the adult when other adults are being douché bags, but sometimes you get to wear the big girl panties.

But chat to your partner, and ensure that what ever you decide together, you are both on the same page.

Do not be afraid to say "I need....." and "I need you to ....." quite good phrasing when you are trying to express what you need your partner to do in a situation to help you.

I think I should better explain the situation.

Amelia's daddy and I are not married. We decided to move in together three years ago and his parents did not take his well, resorting into his father throwing out all the remaining stuff, I think he was 20 at the time, and his father calling me a whore. The day we moved in his mother immediately disapproved of our place, because it was a little on the small side, but we were proud because it was our place. The first time his father visited was just before we moved out of that apartment, 11 months after we moved in. He still continued to see his family every now and then, which was totally up to him.

Then after trying for a while I fell pregnant last year, but I didn't want to tell anyone just yet. We finally told our parents in my second trimester. At my baby shower his mother greeted me as fattie which to me was a very mean thing to say to a pregnant woman, but I just left it there as I was exhausted and have not slept well the previous evening. The when I sent her some 4D baby pictures, which I really didn't have to do, but I wanted to, she replied with a awful string of emails.

So as you can see things are not quite as honky dorey, or at least civil, as they should be. We are still not married, and at this moment I am not interested in being married. I would rather have him be with me because he wants to and not because he has to. I do understand their point of view, but I feel they should understand mine as well, or at least try to.

I feel like a "confiment period" for clost to 2 months is a bit hectic. 2 months is a long time to be so isolated. Do you not miss someone else's company besides your partner and a newborn baby?

Do you have any siblings of your own? Or family living close to you? Are they ok with this cos you only mention your partners family not being ok about it.

My friend recently gave birth and her husband wouldn't let us see him for 10 days (only family could see him for the 1st 10 days) I sooooo badly wanted to see him & my friend SO badly wanted us (friends) to come over and see her baby. When I arrived (after the designated 10 days), the baby was fast asleep and she was so grateful for adult company (which wasn't family). We gossiped and laughed & chatted just like "old times" cos even tho she's a mother, she's still her old self.

Be careful of obsessing about being a new mother & letting it take over your entire existence & wanting it to take over your partners whole existence too. (he may just be that desperate DH that RM was talking about & you'd never know because all you are focused on is the baby)

One other thing to consider is as much as u think people should just understand, they too have feelings and those feelings may get hurt so you might find yourself after a while wanting & needing company & people won't want to visit you because they felt "rejected" during your "confinement period."

It can get very lonely spending all day everyday a with a newborn.(as cute & adorable as they are)

Panic, fear and distress are like those ugly monsters that feed on themselves and grow and grow until they are so big, they appear totally unconquerable.


or .... I could be making the incorrect assumption ......

Maybe .... just maybe the issue is not the seclusion that you feel, but rather that you are afraid of something and you are afraid of something happening to your baby ... with someone else.

I am just saying you should consider it.

It just seems (in my ignorant and humble opinion) to be this anxious when your child is nearly 2 months old.

This kind of anxiety can really impact on you ... and not in a fun way.

I am not suggesting you do anything you do not want to do, or are not comfortable with, but maybe reflect on what is going on and why you are choosing "seclusion" and your child is almost 2 months old.

Breastfeeding does not have to be done in public if it makes you feel weird, and it is still possible to get out of the house and get into public.