Dear Sleep Trainer Expert

Shame Marijke, perhaps she's just adjusting to a few tings at the mo? She use to be my idol! She's always been such a good sleeper. Not that it sounds bad at all, dont get me wrong.. I still consider waking once a night to be a pretty good night.. last night was one of those but we were out and only got J down at 10-freakin-pm.

two days later she fell asleep against a tree in the playground of her school

LOL Marijke, please post that pic, if you can!

So I read the whole thread, yay me and here's my story

Bianca turned two last Sunday. She's slept through the night (with sleeping through I mean 8pm - 6 or 7am or something similar) 5 or more times but definitely less than 10 times in her life.

She's a sensitive soul, one scary (shit who put the TV on that channel!) advert can put her through up to two weeks worth of nightmares (a dog in a teletubbies episode) She wakes up at the slightest of sounds. If we haven't taken a bath or shower by the time she goes to bed then it doesn't happen (our bathroom shares a wall with her bedroom, opening the tap, flushing the toilet, sloshing around in the bath leads to HOURS of trying to get her back to sleep)

We also can't cosleep - in the beginning I was against it, later I thought it was the only way out only to find out that she thinks it's playtime when she sleeps in our bed. Co-sleeping in our house means she sleeping in the bed with her father (because he can sleep through being tickled or having a 2 year old jump on the bed) and mommy sleeping in B's bed, which is fine by me but crap on a marriage.

Last night was a good example, she had a scare right before the bed time routine, she went to bed fine at 7:30, she woke up at 8:30 hubby went in, she wouldn't settle, by 9pm I went in and she wanted out of her room, so she spent the rest of the evening playing in the lounge with us before we could even attempt to put her in bed again and she still cried - she was asleep by 11:15pm.

Every evening when we go to bed she wakes up, even if we tippy toe, whisper etc. The earlier we go to bed the earlier she wakes up and then we are guaranteed that she'd wake up again before morning. She doesn't sleep during the day or in the evening if there is stuff going on around her so it's easier to just stay home with her instead of going out because the more tired she gets the more clingy she is.

She has a nap during the day still, she didn't nap the other day, we thought we'd get the first sleep through in months - no luck, she still woke up twice that night (two days later she fell asleep against a tree in the playground of her school - my mouth fell open when they showed me the pic because it just doesn't happen)

On the plus side though, since very early she's gone to sleep on her own, as a newborn it was easy but as she became more aware of her surroundings it did take some 'sleep training', even now she has her bath, gets in bed, reads a story, night kisses and leave the room and she falls asleep on her own. On weekends (if she wakes up once in the night) she'll sleep till 8 or 8:30 am - I see it as a trade off, I'd rather sleep in a bit than have her sleep through and be up at 6 (or heaven forbid 5!)

"Feel like rabbit shit" - Yes Exactly that!! This is why I wish I could go away for a week and come back and my child would be "sleep trained" (by soneone else of course). Then I too, could be clicking my heels................. dreams.

I do give daily thanks that sleep training is behind me.

However if Isabelle is sick (which fortunately she seldom is) it does put us back a bit, and we sometimes have to start the first night (after she is better) as if it is day one of sleep training.

Which is less than ideal, and sort of makes you feel like rabbit shit .....

My heart literally broke the last time I tried to "sleep train" Emily. It was night number 3 and the minute we walked up the stairs, Emily started clinging to me and sobbing in my neck. We were not even near her cot yet, but she knew what was coming. I know that this could have meant we were getting closer because she now "understood" what needed to happen, but I decided then and there that I would rather rock my baby to sleep and bring her to our bed at night than to let her feel that sad.....

Memo, I know exactly what you mean! My mind was also spoiled in the early days! I always thought: sh1t, but my child is not doing what Babysense says it should! I experimented with routine and sleep training even though the ideas never gelled with me and I basically ignored my gut feeling/ heart, because I thought I'm failing as a mum if my child does not happily fall asleep on her own or if she is not in bed by 7 p.m. for the latest.

I think the first time around it's pretty much all trial and error and luckily we all grow into motherhood and our own parenting style over time. Only once I started reading more about attachment parenting and especially the Sears books it occurred to me that most mainstream parenting books are just not for our family. I don't like crying and I wouldn't leave anyone to cry who is close to me, especially my own child. It's actually physically impossible for me. When I hear her cry I HAVE to go and pick her up.

I suppose/ hope with baby no. 2 (3, 4, ...) one is much more relaxed and automatically goes more with the flow.