When does dicipline start?

Marijke, me disciplining = me screaming. I can't frown and talk in this angry low pitched voice, I scream (not scream as in going mental) My voice is naturally low pitched. Or maybe I'm just always short tempered and impatient? Geez I sound like a total freak now!

Marilu, I'm just wondering so give me a moment!
Do you scream as just a means of communicating or do you scream out of anger, resentment, hurt feelings, stress, upset, tired etc

I've seen alot of mothers (also fathers) when I was a teenager, who kinda compete in screaming matches with their teenagers and those kids either never followed the rules or had a f*u attitude then grew up to be carbon copies of their mothers/parents.

Sorry off topic

I will tell you this RM, as I know we enjoy the same tv show
We have two dogs, a alsation we got as a 3/4 year old so we can take no credit and we have a labrador which we got as a puppy and our labrador and child have the very same issue - they are both shy/afraid of strangers, the dog to the point that she gets vicious and B to the point that she cries. I've known for a while that it isn't the dog and it isn't the child

Very true. Where were you when I had an impossible SBT? (my partener was the softie and let the dog be boss. ) Unlike dogs you can't give your imossible child to new owners.

I personally think that some parents try to have friendships with their kids. I don't believe this is entriely possible. If your child mostly dislikes you, you are doing a good job, but you can do your job in a lovling and understanding way.

Marijke you made a good point. We tend to think that our children will love us more if we give in when infact the opposite is true. Setting boundries shows that you love them. It shows them that you care enough to protect them. This is what kids need.

The difficulty is getting a good balance where you can dicipline without using scare tactics every time. Where you can dicipline without putting a blanket over the childs spirit. Saying no is not teaching the child why he can't do something. It is just teaching him that he can't do it.

It is like me saying juice is bad for kids. Nobody will take me seriously if I don't back that up with a few good reasons why juice is bad.

Shaming your child is honestly so horrid it makes me really angry. I always feel bad for kids when the parent puts them down in front of others.

We need to give kids credit too. They have minds and very often they are quite open to consideration and are not always unreasonable.

In closing I would just like to say while children should be treated as children and not adults, I think it is important to treat your children as you would like to be treated.

Another thing, I don't have a 'warning tone' for my voice, it's either normal or I scream. I find it extremely difficult to talk to Mignione in a stern no-nonsense voice. This may sound really weird but that's just the way I'm programmed.

RM that's so funny but also true The bad thing is there's no way I can train a dog, dogs are way too cute. So that probably means I'm the same with Mignione..SIGH. I really need to buy myself a book about discipline!!

Please bear with me on this one, but I have a theory.

If a person - before kids - has dogs that misbehave/can't be controlled/totally out of hand then odds are thier kids will be the same.

I used to do dog showing, and judging and all of that sort of stuff for a number of years.

My breed of choice was a Staffordshire Bull Terrier.

Great dog, not difficult to train - but needs persistance, consistency and for the master to show the dog (constantly) that the master is actually the boss.

I have seen hordes of people get this breed, then find it is this great puppy who jumps around and bites things, and is a bit out of control. But it is super cute, and they just let the puppy go wild - because well he is cute, and how do you discipline something so damn sweet?

Then one year later, same owner is sitting with a 15 kilogram adult dog that can't walk on a leash, eats the furniture, digs up the garden, is jumping on everyone who arrives to visit, and the owner stands there and goes: "Geez, this dog just can't be trained - this breed of dog is so stubborn!"

The SBT is like a 5 year old, it will just keep on tap-tap-tapping at you, until you give in and let it get's it's way.

If you can manage a dog that is well behaved, walks on a leash, and that you socialise with, odds are you can handle a child.

Many of the same principles apply - they are simple principles. Here are a couple of the basics:-

Understand the breed and know what the predicatable behaviour is - if you are prepared, you will understand how to react, and this will assist you in managing the situation.
From the time the puppy arrives, ensure the puppy knows where he eats, sleeps and wee's - and none of these things should be in your room.
Leave the puppy to sleep on his own the first night - he will miss his mommy, but after one night he will understand that it is fine, and he will adjust.
Show the puppy the rules of the house - he will learn them, if he doesn't then show him again - don't change the rules because you think he is struggling. He will get it, just show him again.
Issue a clear warning to kerb bad behaviour - and if the action is not changed - stand up and do something about it immediately.
Be clear and consistent with instructions/rules.
Watch your tone - often the words do not hit the mark, but the tone is what is heard.
Ensure the rules are stuck to no matter who is the "master" for the day.
Make it clear who the master is - by enforcing your position - once everyone is clear on who makes the rules and enforces them, then everyone can fall in behind.
Praise more than you punish.
However have a punishment system and dish it out fairly and without malice.
Provide clean food and water every day.
Exercise to get rid of energy.
Give lots of hugs and kisses.
Do not spoil with too many treats.

See the rules for dog ownership and parenting is not that far apart!