When does dicipline start?

Listen, there is nothing as pathetically sad as seeing a mother sitting with a toddler hitting her going "awww, no baby, don't hit mommy, it makes me eina" it becomes such a game to them then because mommy talks in such a sweet, wouldn't hurt a fly voice. To stop it you have to kind of shock (bad choice of words but it's the best I can come up with now) the brain out of it. Unless you enjoy being beaten up by your toddler!

And if the behavior is not ok today it shouldn't be okay tomorrow. So pick your battles. Example, if messing on the floor is not okay today because I'm tired but tomorrow I'm going to vacuum anyway so go ahead - expect a battle you will lose. But if screaming/hitting/biting isn't okay and won't be under any circumstances then take a stand and don't back down. (not saying hit them until they get the point type of punishment)

Thanks for the discussion guys. This is quite an important issue for me. I've been analyzing my options forever. I think everybody always thinks a certain way before having kids and judges other parents to some extend. And now... Well lets just say, I did have the naughty puppy that was always too tiny too train. (she was a menace) But my concern is this: As adults we are very different to what we were like as children (well I am anyway) And to me when a puppy becomes a dog they are still children. They dont get to take initiative and become self reliant and such. So I'm doing my best to consider that I'm raising an adult and not a child. No offence to you analogy Rm, I am kinda stuck between a rock and a hard place on this topic. I want my son to be autonomous! Make all the difference in his world and such (yes I am starting to realize more and more that it turns out I might be somewhat of a hippie at heart) So I would like to accomadate his curious wild spirit, but at the same time it really just is VERY antisocial if you're around a child that is just bouncing off the walls!
So I'm definitely rethinking my no dicipline approach.

Dear admin when can we have a like button?

True attention is attention.

Oh I was raised by the master of 'the look' it still gets me to pee my pants!

With regards to hitting, no once, if they do it again walk away, get up or put them down and say no hitting. I think the calmness of it all is what gets to them. Children don't really know the difference between positive and negative attention and if they haven't seen you all day they will try anything to get your attention. So the best thing would be - shock, horror to them - no attention

lol Marilu. We have all had our moments. I just think I am too freaking tired to use the little energy I have left on screaming! I am fairly calm with Dylan but that is because shouting at him didn't work. Nor did giving him a smack. Talking to him in a calm regular tone works for us and if he is doing something really bad that could possible end in him, the dog or us getting hurt then I use my "cross" tone and along with that comes "the look".

The look is really tough. You have to look at your child without expression or with a cross expression while he/she looks back at you with angelic eyes and a really sweet smile. They keep eye contact knowing that if they slightly raise their eyebrows you will no be able to keep the straight face. It is tough, but when you master it it is effective. Often husbands that giggle get "the look" too.

Now I say no once and if he does it the second time I get up and he usually runs away so he knows he is wrong.

I think I scream because I get angry? Ok, this is the scenario: I hold Mignione, she starts slapping me, I take her hand and then tells her in my sternest voice (which sounds really fake cause I really don't have a discipline voice) and tells her' Nee, ons slaan nie, jy maak mamma seer'. Then she looks at me and slaps me again. And so it goes. The other scenario is I hold her hand that she can't slap me, and then she starts crying and then I put her down. Or if I have a bad day I sort-of scream at her 'MOENIE!!!!!!!!!!!'..then she does it again.

haha Marilu, next time you do it just take a moment and analyze why you are doing it, stop, take a breath and see if you are upset or angry or whatever. And don't worry, we aren't thinking that you are a freak. I also turn into a screamer when I'm tired or pms'ing then B just screams back at me and I know that I'm so far off making an impression!