Betrayal of trust

I was actually chatting to some ladies at work about this yesterday and 1 lady had an interesting story to share. She interviewed for a nanny recently and thought she had found: "THE ONE". She did a reference check and found out that this lady who she thought was perfect had actually been found breastfeeding her previous employer's baby. And, this nanny actually gave this woman's details as a reference.

My colleague actually called her in again and questioned her about this. Now, I am NOT at all condoning this - not AT ALL, not in the least, but here is something more to think about. The nanny's story was that while she now realises it was a bad idea, she never did it in a malicious way at all, she said she would never in a million years do anything to harm a baby, especially not that one. She explained that she cared for the baby as if he were her own and she loved him as if he were her own. She said that it started one day when he was crying and nothing she did could console him, she said that a "motherly" instinct in her took over and without really thinking about it too much, she took out her boob and started breastfeeding the baby and he was instantly quiet. From there on, it was just something "that she did". She says now that she wish she could take it back, but at the time it made perfect sense to her.

So, in short, we trust people to look after our children while we are at work and it is our wish that they care for them as if they were their own, but there is such a fine line between what is acceptable here and what is not.

She also said that in the townships, mommy's sometimes breastfeed their babies until a very late age, so even if your nanny has a 3, 4, 5 year old - you might still want to ask them if they are breastfeeding and make it clear that "No, you do not wish for them to breastfeed your child".

Tinti - thanks for letting me use this.

reluctantmom.wordpress.com/2011/06/09/be...see-this-one-coming/

Opened up a very interesting discussion and I thnk it also made people aware of this phenomena.

I think the winner comment was:

...... breastfed newborn with an aunt a short walk away from the venue. Went back at feedtime to find her (50-something-year-old, post menopausal) aunt with her nipple in the baby’s mouth because she said the dummy wasn’t working to soothe her......

Thanks Tinti, this is what is great about this forum is sharing our experiences to make other moms aware, I would never have suspected this or thought it might occur.

Can't imagine how you feel...
I would have done my nut... Is this not a form of Child abuse?
Thinking of you and hope you get through this.

Wow, that's a hectic story, Tinti! Really sorry you have to go through this! What a violation of your trust in your nanny!

Don't jump on ARV prophylaxis right away, it can do much more harm than good - the side effects are horrendous and especially for children! You've done the right thing to have your baby tested. I'm sure your doctor knew what he/ she was doing and did a PCR test. If not, I'd recommend you go back and request one as rapid tests in kids are inaccurate.

Do you have any reason to suspect your nanny is HIV+? Even if she is, it is not a given that she would be infectious. Like Claudia said, if her viral load is low enough (>400) an especially if she's on ARVs it's highly unlikely she would've passed the virus on to your LG.

I'm not trying to make any excuses for her, just wanna give some info that can hopefully help you to calm down, shame.

(((HUGS)))

Yeah, this is so unacceptable! ESP!! since she clearly specifically KNEW you would be upset. I mean she MUST have known or she would have told you ages ago not to heat the milk. Unbelievable... the trust part is in the fact that since you are paying someone for a certain specialized service, you assume they are doing a job for you?
Not being sneaky with regard to big decisions like this.
I can just imagine how violated you must feel. Sorry
As for how often it happens.. i'm thinking alot.
A friend of mine told me the same story with her lg. Only it was a friend (not lactating, <my god>) and not the nanny.
And my grandmother (lactating at the time) also told me she had nursed a friends child when she was baby sitting him. He wouldn't stop crying, they had left no milk, and she told the woman about it when she came to collect her sleeping child. Apparentlly the woman was grateful.. yeah.
I would also have been furious.

O M W!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am beyond shocked

What I also want to know is where the heck did you get the calmness from? Think most of us would be locked up by now.

All the best and I hope and pray that all is well with your baby.

Please go speak to someone, sooner rather than later.

OMW OMW OMW

It sound very stressing and annoying, but at this stage take a deep breath since u have done the tests its ok that's a great move. You are working as there's nothing really you can do to prevent such horrific things, but day care can be much better than a nanny coz they are not alone as nanny at home! I suggest that maybe try a day mom if there are by where you stay.

I can't believe it and I can't even try to imagine what you are going through right now. Def go for counseling and Julz idea of starting with lovelife would be a good idea.