TRYING FOR 2015 BABY

Hi girls

How are you all this morning? It's Friday and it's a beautiful day in Upington. So looking forward to the weekend! It's also almost holiday time for me. The College closes on Friday for two weeks - The joys of being a lecturer - You only work till 3 and get four long holidays a year!

I'm on CD 20 today... About 8 DPO. Trying not to symptoms spot, as many of the symptoms I am indeed experiencing, can be a side effect of the Fertomid, such as sore and sensitive boobies, cramping/achy belly, fatigue, hunger, cravings, etc. I'll just have to wait and see, I guess. I am expecting a negative, though, as it is very unlikely to get a positive on the first month of Fertomid. We'll see what happens next week.

I also went to the dentist yesterday for the root canal I was put on antibiotics for the week before. They also did three tooth x-rays. Apparently, it is ok to go for these x-rays in an emergency, as the effects are minimal. It takes about 300 000 of these xrays at once, to really affect the fetus. I'm saying this, as it is possible that I am pregnant, yet I'm not 100% convinced yet. I wanted to make sure, for incase, you know?? The meds I was on is also safe for pregnancy, I heard. So IF I am indeed pregnant, which I doubt, then the meds and xray should not pose any risks!

I have 200 questions papers to mark, as well as three UNISA assignments to complete in one week, so it's going to be a bit hectic this side. Holding thumbs for all the girls in their TWW. Morgan, thinking of you!

Enjoy the weekend!

Morning ladies

how are you all doing today?

@Morgan- I am literally in tears. I really dont know what to say and wish there was something we could do, how i wish we could all just give you a group hug. It really hurts like i am in your shoes. I am so sorry dear. **hugs**

Oh Morgan, my hearts aches for you. When you said that "I feel that my heart stops beating so that it can hear my sobs" brought me to tears

It is difficult to keep all these emotions inside of you at work as nobody knows what you are going through, I hear you, I can feel your pain! Everything is really so expensive and one can hardly afford the costs involve but give yourself time to be hurt and seek comfort in your husband

Go home get drunk, shout, cry and heal but I do believe that you should not give up, but have another round of IUI if you can.

You are in my thoughts

@ P4M1, your symptoms sounds promising and please let us know on Saturday if you get your BFP! We really need to get the BFP ball rolling.

@ Lillyr, how are you doing?

@ Babydream, when next week are you going again for your appointment? No we gave bd'ing a skip the day before You must be excited for the next step and I am so glad that I am one step closer to our end goal... a baby. I am sure you will be getting good news and will have my fingers crossed.

AFM, this is the first time that I am day dreaming about AF and want her to come so badly so that I can start my first Fertomid pill, how weird is that, what a change

@ Daerhel - I'm not trying to be mean, really I'm not but I think your sister sees the situation as 'Some girls have all the luck.' I know I sure as hell do. Jealousy is the most foul emotion, I swear. It sticks in you and regardless of what you do, IT STICKS and it festers.

I suggest your sister's significant other also have himself checked. no use in having your sister think that it's just her that's 'unable'. Should his swimmers be good little soldiers, then she should maybe have her fallopian tubes checked. I have personal experience there and believe me when I tell you that those things are little fuckers.

Also, I agree with P4M1 - take her for a girl's breakfast / brunch and celebrate HER. Don't mention the newest pregnancy symptom you've felt or anything like that. Please, I'm really not trying to be mean but as P4M1 said, ttc is hard and taxing on us who don't conceive so easily. I know I feel ready to explode so... Maybe you could suggest she join the ttc forum. There's lots of love here for ladies like her (us) that struggle.


For all my other ttc friends

Ladies, staying away isn't an option for ladies like us. Going it alone is too fucking hard. People at work know something's up, everything little thing annoys the shit out of you and if left alone and to your own devices for too long, you burst into tears at the injustice of it all.

I honestly don't know how to express how I feel. The raw emotions that are just below the surface vary from seething anger, depression, choking sadness and a feeling of being deceived.

I told hubby that I'm done for now. Why do this to myself every single month? It's going to cost a fortune. This failed attempt set us back R5 000.00 Money that we don't have to spend on something that doesn't work. It's the tubes. Has to be, so another round of IUI is pointless.

Yes, I know. IUI doesn't always work the first round, I know that but it just HURTS so much. It feels like I can't breathe when I think about it. I feel that my heart stops beating so that it can hear my sobs. I feel that I can't keep doing it to myself. I can't put hubby through it every month anymore either. I'd rather have AF arrive every month without ttc than have her arrive whilst ttc.

I also told him that later down the line, September / October we'll go back to gynae and start talking about IVF. It really is our only option left now and that, my dear, dear ladies, is R40 000.00 a month


Is it wrong of me to feel that God has deceived me? All those things pointing to a good cycle, all those 'signs' that led to - what? Dashed high hopes and shattered dreams? A broken heart and empty womb?

I'm ANGRY. I'm so, so angry and so heartbroken. Going to the bathroom results in tears as I think 'There goes my twins.' Twins that I dreamed of. Twins that I hoped for, longed for, prayed for. MY TWINS!

Pills to get the eggs, injection to make me ovulate, IUI to get the swimmers close to the eggs, progesterone to make them feel at home - and then...


My faith has been shaken. I kid you not. God's plan. What plan? To see me reduced to tears every month? Is this my 'trials and tests'? What could I possibly learn from this 'test'? Then I think of everything that He has done for me. I feel guilty that I doubt Him, that I question Him. That I'm trying to force my plan on Him. But, really, what is so wrong in wanting to have children with the man you love?

I'm tired, ladies. I'm tired of failing month after month after month. This month has absolutely been the worst, today has been torture. I still have to tell my parents that the IUI didn't work. Oh joy.

I think I'm going home and getting drunk. Good and proper drunk that I have a throbbing hangover tomorrow. Nothing can compare with this pain. Nothing.

Hey Jay-Bee01!
How are you today?