Hi girls, ek het nou bietjie die internet gesurf, toe kom ek op hierdie gediggie af wat 'n pa geskryf het en dit het my diep geraak. Ek het net weer besef hoe baie 'n swangerskap 'n pa ook raak, al dra hulle nie die baba nie:
Loss cannot be quantified in size.
It cannot be quantified in a physical object.
What quantifies loss.....?
Love.
The emotional ties to you, no matter how small you are, is huge in emotion.
The feeling of happiness, aprehension, fear, gratefulness, exitement, LOVE
for a life so small.
The dreams and aspirations,
The excitement of growth with each second, each minute, hour and day.
The love that grows expenentially in time for you.
The thoughts of the future.
Then... you are no more.
What now, where do these emotions go?
what has happened to our dreams and aspirations now?
Why does the future look so dim?
What has happened, why are these emotions so powerful?
Did I fall in love with a thought?
Was the dream to great for me to handle and accept?
Why do I hurt so much?
Life is a wonderful thing.
Each person today, is a miracle of life.
Some deserve to have it, others do not.
But they are a miracle.
We hear about it everyday, people who lost something so small
and we feel sorry for them, but then one day, it strikes you.
You then think of how calious you might have been to the person's feeling,
for now, you are experiencing their loss.
but people are strange, it affects them for one day, the sorrow is gone for them in a week.
but for us, it will always be there, our first loss.
How precious is life now, when seeing a small child.
Thinking "it could have been mine".
But there is hope, there always is.
We may not have been ready for you,
you may have had a problem
we were not the ones to decide.
We have lost our first child.
we fell in love with you from the word go.
We shared that love and joy with everyone as soon as we could.
we were exited, nervous and in love with you.
We received the congratulations and presents.
We felt 'grown up' now, a new challenge in life.
A dream was now fulfilled.
WAS fulfilled.
The pain is real, more real than I could have imagined.
To my first.
Love, your Dad.