TTC journey, travelling...

Thanks ladies

well last night the decision was made to wait. but I wanted to know how do i not heold this against DH? i know over the next few days things will get better and I will accept it etc. but for now, I am so disappointed in him for 'leading me on'. He should never have agreed to TTC if he felt so strongly about travelling and actually not wanting a baby now.
He should of been honest, even if I was being pushy.

Well put Vix.

I agree that you cant put your life on hold to have kids if both of you are not ready for it.
Just be honest with yourself, and be realistic about it. Talk it out with your spouse.
There will be some compromise about when to start a family but you have to be prepared for it with his support.

PS you're just like me. I overthink and overanalyze everything! It's your way of making decisions, and good to put your thoughts out there so that you can make a decision.
But dont overdo this to the point of stress.
The answer is probably already known to you.

Honestly, Meags, I think you're over analysing things now and my absolute honest opinion (you're not going to like it)

You will only be happy if you have a baby now
DH will only be happy if you wait to have a baby
You are both in completely different places at the moment and that is no time to have a planned child, you both need to be on the same page because having a baby even put a strain on my very strong marriage.

I don't even think the only issue with going away and leaving your baby with a Nanny is 'what if they get hurt' but maybe more importantly, what is the mental effect on this poor child who grows up knowing it gets left at home while mommy and Daddy get to see the world.

I think you guys should travel travel travel before you have kids, it doesn't mean you can't when you do have children it will just be very different type of travelling.

Before you have children you actually have no idea how your life will change so if if there are things you dream of doing now do them first!

ok so i have a question:

if i go ahead and get pregnant and dh resents this decision, how do i not resent the decision to wait until he is sure sure?

Thanks everyone
But particularly thank you Ika!!

I am really hearing what everyone is saying and as much sense as all of you make, in my heart it doesnt make sense

I want a baby, and I feel like life does go on, but in a different way. I do feel we can still travel, but as someone said, it will be different places to accommodate for the child too.

DH is taking 3 months leave at the end of this year (October-December) and I am wondering if we should not do the travels in America then??

One will never stop travelling if they have the opportunity, but honestly, after America, we may move to Australia, and there is lots to see there too!

Ika I fully agree actually. Just becuase you struggle to have your child does not reduce your humanity. I thought I wouldn't have one so you would think I would want to permanently look after my precious being, but not always so. You do need a break and I think an au pair travelling with is brilliant.

I am about to embark on a career change where I will travel a few times a year for a week at a time. I am going to miss my son but he adores his dad and will be fine and I will have 8 full hours of sleep. I hope.

Hey Meags

I think this will be tough to change your DH mind on. He obviously has an idea of what he thinks it'll be like but as Julz & the others say, you cant prepare for it and if he's not open to hear what it could be like maybe he's not ready.
And even if you convinced yourself now that you could do all the travelling / take a nanny with / leave baby with a nanny, once that LO is here, you would not want to do that when they are still infants!
Most people only get comfortable leaving baby somewhere (usually granny) when they get close to a year, and even then they worry all night and dont do it often except for occasional outings / date nights.
At this time I'm ok to leave her with MIL for 2.5hrs on a saturday so we can go to gym and do grocery shopping which is a luxury in itself
And 2 weeks is a looong time. How much of your baby's development are you missing?

I agree with Vix's statement re having children. Its not that you'll never get to travel again - but its a part of your life that you'd be putting largely on hold because of the impracticalities, plus the experience is just different. And once you do start travelling with your 5 & 7 yr old for example, you're likely to think twice about where you'd be going, because the holidays would largely become about things that they will enjoy not to forget 8pm bed time...
My parents would go to a hotel, and leave us at a childcare service in the hotel when they went for dinner / casino / who knows what else! But we were not babies or toddlers.


If you are both young, and feel that a year more of travelling opportunities without the worry of children will be good for you, then I'd say go for it! Never know you may conceive on one of your enjoyable beach parties But have an idea of when enough is enough and you are ready to reconsider.

As for travelling while pregnant - it's doable but first trimester you're exhausted & nauseous and long road trips may not go to plan! And third trimester you're uncomfortable, swollen feet, and start waddling. I would highly recommend everyone try get away during 2nd trimester, but not the rest.
Aah and also, the type of things we'd have liked to do - quad biking / horse riding / water skiing / ice skating - couldnt do any of those while pregnant. So also something to think about.