March to May 2010 Mommies

Oh Beansmom, we had an "open hour" for networking agents this morning. Bloody awful!!! Having all those strangers passing judgment (it's quite funny when they realise the owner is actually there) and walking around taking photos. This whole selling thing is just so unsettling. I hope your process goes smoothly. PS we have our first viewing tonight, so things are moving way too fast for my liking.

Babyshoes, I wrote a long reply yesterday and then I chickened out and didn't post it. It's so hard because I don't really know you and I don't know Luke's father and I would hate to think that anything that I say could possibly affect Luke for the rest of his life, especially as Emily has taught me that I don't know as much as I would like to think I do

Having put forth my disclaimer, I would now like to add that I think you should try get this stuff in writing. I don't know all the legalities, but if his name isn't on the birth certificate does he have any "legal rights"?

Also, if you have something in writing it will stand you in good stead one day if he tries to suddenly start being the perfect dad, and also you'll have something concrete to show Luke when he asks about his dad one day. It won't turn into a "he said she said" situation. And also if it's in writing then you both know exactly where you stand. Even if it's via email or instant messaging or text messages.

One other thing: I think you are one strong woman. You have my utmost respect for walking away at one of the most difficult times of your life. And you are standing your ground. I admire you for that, and I wish you all the best, whatever your decision.

Thanks Des,

@Babyshoes - I am not in your position......so I'm not speaking from personal experience.....BUT.....I think I tend to agree with Beansmom.

This "man" (for lack of a better choice of words) wants no part in your childs life now..........and you certainly dont want him using something like having paid maintenance as a grounds to future rights to your child............so, if you can go it alone..........then do so.......what a jerk for not wanting to be part of your munchkins childhood!!!!!! he doesn't deserve any part in your lives..... and if you can use this against him in future......then so be it!!! he deserves nothing more....how can anyone be so heartless????

Thanks Beansmom!

@Babyshoes... That is a really tough call... although from friends of mine that have been through a similar thing they chose not to ask for maintenance. This gave them a stronger case when the father decided to try and be part of the childs life later.
Sure the financial help would be great - but as you say, you don't really want him having any say in Luke's life... and by paying maintenance he unfortunately does get a say.

My take on it is - if you can get by... even scraping by (not ideal) then rather just right him off. By him not wanting to have any part of Lukes life now is helping you in the long run!

Hi Mommies – GRRRRR – I just typed my whole post and the website went down and I lost my post so now I had to retype it all!

@ ScribblingAl – Thanks – sometimes I think I post to many pics of Luke – but just cant help myself…

Luke and the formula thingy – I changed him at a year from NAN to Nido – I was originally going to give him cows milk for his day bottles and Nido for his night bottles and my mom suggested I just keep him on Nido as it is healthy and good for him. He gets cows milk in his cereal. I must say he has adjusted very well.

@ pinky – So sorry to hear about the PND, I am glad that you are feeling better and seeing someone and on meds. I know it is hard but thank you for sharing this with us. I hope Karla feels better soon – there is nothing worse than having a LO that does not feel well and is all grumpy.

@ Desiree – 29 weeks already – oh WOW – how fast the time has gone – before you know it – your LO will be with you –The aches and pains you are having at the moment will all be over and soooo worth it! Keep us updated.

@ Beansmom – Its wonderful when business is picking up.

Luke is seeing the eye specialist again on Thursday at 11:15am, I am so nervous, anxious and worried about what the specialist is going to be telling me and what my options will be regarding his eye. So PLEASE everyone just pray that all goes well and I have some good news!

Some of you know that I am a single mom and I left Luke’s dad when I was 6 months pregnant…

I phoned his father the other day to ask him if he would please relinquish his legal rights to Luke – (he after all has made NO effort what so ever to be a part of Luke’s life, no phone calls, no visits, no nothing – and he lives in the same area as I do). He did not even bother to ask me how Luke was… I mean WTF? What kind of parent can be so heartless?

His answer to me was NO, he would not write Luke off cos he does not want his decision to come and bite him in the arse in years to come – Oh FFS, he wants nothing to do with the child, but yet he wont give me what I want and what I feel is best for us.

He also made it very clear that he wanted nothing to do with Luke… (I did not ask you to be a part of his life - in actual fact I asked the opposite)…

Im just really ticked off cos I don’t want him thinking in years to come that he can just come and make and break as he wants in Luke’s life (I doubt this would happen but anything is possible).

I don’t have his name on Luke’s birth certificate.

I have never asked him for a single thing and he has never contributed financially, has never offered, has never done a single thing… (please take note he has 2 other children that he adores).

My friends and family are telling me to take him to the maintenance courts and let him pay for his responsibilities and contribute towards Luke's needs - but I dont know if I want this - would I then be "welcoming" him into Luke's life? Everyone is reminding me that its going to get harder when I put him into creche and when he goes to school and that most times single mom's jsut scrape thru...

Does anyone have any advise here?