ANYONE HERE THAT DECIDED ON 1 CHILD ONLY?

joli I sit with a problem here because I have one biological child now so I fear adoption as I am not sure I would love the adopted kid as much as Dylan.

I wouldn't think twice had I not been able to have kids at all.

I can't use my own eggs with surrogacy so again it wouldn't be my child so same problem.

I may feel differently in years to come but we are both getting on in age.

My son has asked us to stop moving, as each time we move to a new house we have a new baby.

Kennith is asking me - what hole are you trying to fill having more children?

Good points on both of those.

Julz - that is how I felt when I considered being sterilised, it is just such a huge huge decision, and one I was not ready to make.

I look at my situation and think of how I feel about my overriding urge to have children - from someone who did not want children. It is totally consuming - no rhyme no reason.

I cannot even begin to think of how a woman must feel who so wants to have children (or more children) but can't for what ever that reason.

There must be no words to express the sorrow and the devastation that one must feel when faced with this. I can't imagine the sense of loss and pain that women who are facing this must go through .... I really cannot imagine!

Julz - just a question - would you adopt? Or would you use a close friend as a surrogate (might not cost you that much then). You obviously don't have to answer my curious questions. (HUGS)

Its really difficult Rm especially when one is older and you know that time is also a problem.

I guess it's our midlife crisis. Men buy bikes we think about having another kid. It's like acknowledgement of us as women.

When you loose the ability to have kids a little peace of you dies.

I think as women we know we have a time line on this decision. We do not have the luxury of putting it out for later.

Some of us have a mental cut off of 30, or 35 or 40.

For me it was 35, but now I am turning 38 soon - which is w a y past my cut-off, but I am thinking that either I decide to plan for a pregnancy for a 4th child in the next 12 months (which is not a lot of time), and I am not sure I want to risk it or put my body through it again.

Or I push us to adopt in the next 24 months, as I also do not want a HUGE age gap between kids 3 and 4. Or I make a decision, once and for all, that the three I have is enough.

But how does one know ..... without any regrets that it is enough?

I chatted to my oh last night about this topic. He is easy going about numbers and was easy going through my brush with infertility. Having kids was never an issue for him, but I always feel bad that we can't have more kids. We agreed that our one was enough considering our age factor, but we also agreed that if we could we would have another for sure.

I don't think I would ever know how many to have. I always wanted 2 or none. One was not on at all and three just seems too hectic, but life happens and so we just deal with it.

A small part of me wonders if I could afford a surrogate, would I go that route and I might so I am glad I can't afford it.

The question regardng what is the right amount of children for you - is a very interesting subject for me.

I always ask people "but how do you know..." because I don't - and really by now I should!!

I wanted none - I then decided okay, maybe one - at the time I felt I was giving in to what my partner wanted. We had been together for + 7 years and "maybe next year" was never coming from my side, so I sort of thought "well, how bad can it be?"

I then felt a primal urge for a second - I orchestrated it, I planned it, I engineered it at the worst possible time in our lives.

I wanted a third - desperately, but not totally obsessively, but we did plan it.

But now I am still thinking .... maybe I want a fourth.

The need for children is such a strange urge that literally floods every cell of your being, and for me it totally possesses me.

I can't explain it, I can't defend it, and I can't reason it.

The astounding thing for me is that it is so drastically opposite to the type of person I am, but there it is.