New Moms get a raw deal from not-so-new-moms ....

Yeah it is not easy, facing all that. I think it is important for a mother to have the right support, even "shepherding"...which I myself never had. Just coaching and explaining and being there. I think a few of us has that. As a new mother things are hard, even as a mom of 2 or a new mom of 3...so many emotions, not sure what is right what is wrong, and with being stuck in the "system" of books only pro this and pro that...it is hard to learn what is your internal ok or not...it is very difficult. I struggle often esp with something simple like sending my kids to school or not homeschooling or not, and it is so hard, as the system has a way of doing things ina certain way, and as soon as your feeling comes in...you hear what others say, and immediately you think you feeling for your kid is wrong...it is really hard...
I really feel for your friend, and give her a hug please...it is difficult, but motherhood is the most blessed thing out there, and even though at times I feel I am going through the valleys...I know it is the best thing I am going through! And I am soooo proud of my boys!

2KM - I know how you feel!!! I too was strapping the good old tube to my boob! Really not ideal...especially when Matt would pop on and off the boob 20 times or more per feed and then the milk would drop all over the place from the tube. Had to use my mouth to kink the tube until he would finally latch again then let go quickly so he got instant gratification or he'd pop off again....RM - it was then I had the same thoughts as you about this tube...why am I doing this to myself????? That was my AHA moment...

I can relate to wanting someone to tell me its ok to stop pumping. 2KM I am one of those who gets a ridiculous amount of milk per pumping session. At first I was impressed - now I hate it. People are constantly saying 'But you have so much milk! You can provide for so many months if you keep pumping'. Well yes - but I dont want to pump anymore!! I have oversupply - everytime I shower, I become engorged as I don't leak at all and manual expressing doesn't work. Everytime I hold Matt and he cries I get letdown - again no leaking - so further engorgement. By the time I pump, I have huge rocks on my chest and it's sore!!
I just want the milk to dry up and be gone with the whole pumping scenario.
I mostly want my DH to tell me he's ok with me not providing BM anymore. From the start he has been on and on at me about BM being vital and I agreed. But 2 months down the line and a freezer full of milk, I am over it...he's had 2 months of exclusive BM and he'll get another full month off the freezer stock. Only now that we will be travelling overseas does my DH finally say it's ok to stop pumping, as I wont exactly be able to pump on trains and planes and look after Matt...

I agree we need a support group for women who didn't manage to BF successfully...infact...perhaps one of us should start a thread?!

WGRAY - I think the point I was trying to make is that often new moms do not KNOW better, and they do not have their internal COMPASS set yet.

They are reeling from the shock of the transition from pregnancy to birth to newborn, and are looking around for guidance.

The problem - as I was trying to indicate here - is that guidance is often "guilt ladden" and often does not look at doing what is best for the mom (and thus the baby) it is often about forcing someone else's agenda onto that mother.

But yes, at some point we do get to the point where we can do what is best for us - my issue is simply that women make it so hard for women to get to that point.

And it is not only about breastfeeding it is about a host of things in this rather awkward journey called motherhood.

<thought for the day: reading through this thread there is a sense of 'pushing' breastfeedng even if in this case it is not working.... and the mother is clearly in a position where she is reeling and not coping and probably on a one way route to hating herself and feeling negative feelings towards her ability and her abby .... but still the agenda of 'keep on breast feeding' is pushed and pushed ... and nothing else offered .....now how does that make sense .... and how is a new mom meant to stand up in the face of all of that ....>

@ Wilma, Same consultants I saw and they pushed me just as hard!

Reluctant Mom wrote:

Maybe we can set up an 0800 2kidmamma number for moms to call.

My friend said the EXACT same thing, she was going (is going) insane and all she wants is someone to hug her and say "it is okay, buy some formula, no worries, he will be fine, you will be fine, really everything will be fine ..."

But instead there is this pressure it continue and continue something that is not working.

So she marches off yesterday to buy a tin of NAN or what ever, and says that she is not resolute, she is going to do this and shake off the guilt - she picks up the tin, and there is a huge sign about how breastfeeding is best and and and .....

And she is standing having a guilt-weep in PnP .... fabulous. You should hand your number out so moms-who-can-not-fkn-breastfeed-and-are-tired-of-the-constant-pressure-and-judgement can call you, you can pat their hand and tell them it is going to be all okay.

Seriously actually don't mind if she wants to chat please tell her she is more than welcome. You can give her my email address if you want info@doodlebums.co.za or Cell
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But ya, that crap thing is it is OK but nobody wants to admit it. Poor 1st time moms ger riduculed and their babies suffer because of some stupid need for others to but in and tell then what "Must be able to happen" because they read it in a Sister Lillian book!!! Arrgggh makes me want to scream.

YOu know, we have a wonderful lot of bf consultants in our area...they are great...but when it did not work for, my boy was losing a kg a week with breast, as he has such bad reflux. THey kept pushing me to breastfeed, just feed more often etc etc, it did not work..so I just ended it, and put him on formula, after the first week he gained 200g and then he kept gaining, and we never looked back. You HAVE to do what is best for you, why listen to al these people, if you tried it does not work then stop. If you dont want to then it is also fine, whatever works for you...I am sorry your friend had to go through all that...big hug to her!

Maybe we can set up an 0800 2kidmamma number for moms to call.

My friend said the EXACT same thing, she was going (is going) insane and all she wants is someone to hug her and say "it is okay, buy some formula, no worries, he will be fine, you will be fine, really everything will be fine ..."

But instead there is this pressure it continue and continue something that is not working.

So she marches off yesterday to buy a tin of NAN or what ever, and says that she is not resolute, she is going to do this and shake off the guilt - she picks up the tin, and there is a huge sign about how breastfeeding is best and and and .....

And she is standing having a guilt-weep in PnP .... fabulous. You should hand your number out so moms-who-can-not-fkn-breastfeed-and-are-tired-of-the-constant-pressure-and-judgement can call you, you can pat their hand and tell them it is going to be all okay.