New Moms get a raw deal from not-so-new-moms ....

RM - thanks! I can relate to how your friend is feeling and how frustrated she is by trying every thing and nothing is working...

I had the same problem with my son, he would not latch and nothing I tried worked. I tried breastfeeding for over a month and eventually resorted to expressing milk - and no matter how much I expressed for him he was never satisfied.

I had no choice but to give him formula...

But the point it I tried and so did your friend and that is all that matters... Right?

x

Rm - I agree. I was also made to feel like sh&t and like "less of a mom" when I decided to switch to formula. And, yes, even by some of the moomies (and I know it was unintentional), but sometimes we don't realise that we are putting pressure on and sometimes "emotionally wounding" new moms. Wish I knew this when I met J the other day, I would have given her a big hug.

Honestly, when I decided to stop listening to what everyone else was saying and just do what I wanted to do, Emily and I were both soooooo much happier!

RM I totally agree! While I am pro breastfeeding, it should not be forced on anyone. Women are made to feel so guilty if they dont choose too, and because of that women who want to and cant feel even worse.

If you dont enjoy it, or dont want to or simple cant, there is no shame in a bottle - even if its EBM or Formula. The most important thing to do with your new child is to love them and enjoy them. If you dont enjoy bfing and still force your child to, that isn't bonding. Rather stare lovingly at them while giving them a bottle.

Thanks RM mainly for making us aware of how little we actually support new moms and for how quick we are to judge others by comparing our situations to theirs. It's as if we have forgotten how hard it was.

J has done as much as she can to try to breastfeed her child. It hasn't worked out for her despite giving it her best shot so she should hold her head up hight and be proud for being such an awesome mom and now she has proven herself as an even better mother for realising that despite everything she has done and despite the lack of support from the caregivers she needs support from the most, she is going to do what is best for both her and her baby. They will both thrive now.

<insert angry smiley face here>

Just to kick this subject off:

I breastfed, I thought it was the bomb, it hurt like a rat's arse initially, but I got the hang of it, and it was great (for me). I enjoyed the bonding, enjoyed the ease of it, and the only reason I dropped it was that I was heading back to work and there was no where to express, I continued to BF in the mornings and evenings until my kids dropped the feeds, so I did it and it was fine FOR ME.

I did not feel "militant or have a religious fervour" about breastfeeding as opposed to formula.

I breastfed because I could, it was easy, and I loved to watch the happiness on my partner's face because he did not have to pay for formula when we were financially very tight with our first child.

But my issue today is the judgement MOTHERS heap onto MOTHERS - they do it subtly and often without realising what they are saying or doing, and the effect and the pressure it places on new moms.

Last night I had my friend J on the phone sobbing her big brown eyes out, as she had been trying to breastfeed and had tried and had tried.

Her son was born 23 March.

She has had support, she goes to a breastfeeding clinic, her mom is a nurse/widwife, she wants to breastfeed, her husband is supportive and really the entire recipe is there.

The only thing that is missing is that it is JUST NOT working.

No one is happy, least of all her.

She struggles to get him to latch, her nipples are killing her, he gets antsy as he is not latching and then she gets stressed because he is not latching and pretty much it ends with a crying baby and a very stressed and upset mom.

She has tried expressing, and is struggling with that.

She goes to the breastfeeding clinic for assistance which they readily give her assistance ... for breastfeeding.

But she is now at the end of this tether and has decided that she is going to switch to formula.

Her words were "I just "sob sob" can't do this anymore, I just "sob" can't! .... sob sob sob .... sniff .... sob .... I really can't ......"

However she feels that the clinic is judging her and trying to talk her out of it. Everywhere she turns she feels women are judging her and "pushing" her to continue breastfeeding.

She is already overwhelmed - as are most new moms - and has tried this BF lark, but has decided for her sanity and her son's happiness to switch to formula.

She is on the phone to me last night, crying because she feels guilty, not about that she is not doing what "works for her son and her" but that she is being judged and that people are saying horrible and hurtful things to her.

And making her feel "less than" good enough because she is going to drop breast feeding.

I really was annoyed last night - and it re-ignited how I feel about how OLD MOTHERS often make it so flipping difficult for NEW MOTHERS by putting our (I am to blame as much as the next person) expectations on them, and making them feel bad about their choices.

So that is my rant for today!