New Moms get a raw deal from not-so-new-moms ....

I just want to touch on what EmsMom said - while I have a bit of a head of steam going here - my issue here is not whether a person who does not have kids judges you, as well they fall into the total inexperience category, and thier opinion is barely worth the the time of day.

My issue here is moms-with-a-kid or kids.

Just to maybe put this into context.

When I had my son (back in 2001) I thought I as the total alpha-and-omega of pregnancy/parenting and pretty much everything in between.

I had done it, was well read, very well informed, and could articulate a point like no one's business.

Chick, I so knew it all.

Class Expert.

School President.

Then I had my second child in 2005, and I realised two things.

1. I knew nothing, because these two experiences were so far apart.
2. The life experiences that I had gone through from 2001 - 2005, had taught me further that I had looked into the deepest darkest pit and knew even less.
3. What I had experienced in pregnancy/birth/parenting from baby 1 to baby 2 were so different, that it made me embarrassed to have ever dished out advise with baby 1, because if one person could have 2 total different experiences, how I could even hint to someone that their experience might be similiar to either of mine?
4. I realised that I was a total idiot, and really life is about more than you read and people tell you.

But that being said I go to a male OBGYN who clearly does not have a vagina and has never had a child in his body. But I respect his opinion, and he is mindful that it is my body, my pregnancy and my experience.

And maybe that is what I am hoping in this rather long rant that Moomies might get.

Meags, I think you raise in a way what I was trying to express.

Even you with all your knowledge and resolve, still feel a sense of "having to stretch the truth slightly" to avoid judgement.

I think that is sort of the point I was trying to make. Often moms do things and we do them because we feel pressure from other moms.

Often if we want to say we give our children formula, then there is this compelling feeling to excuse it by explaining "but I breast fed for 3/6/9 months."

A bit like a c-secion, I had a c-section, but I did try natural labour, but then opted/had to have a c-secion for x/y/z reason.

Meags, I am really impressed at your resolve to want to breastfeed and to go through what you have to try and get there.

Not because I personally think breastfeeding should be worthy of all that effort, but because you have decided on a course of action and you have done it with total force of will. And for that I applaud you.

But - please bear with me - it is people like you who "create the pressure" that is applied to my friend J.

Because where ever she goes someone knows a Meags, or has read about a Meags, and knows that if you throw everything at breastfeeding it might, it might work. Do when she is trying to abandon breastfeeding them people are saying "but I know this girl Meags who did it and and and ..." (I am using your situation as an example, and this is not about you, if that makes sense...)

The issue for my friend J, is that she has to go back to work. Her concern is she is 2 months into the hell that is breastfeeding, and it has not worked.

She only has so much longer to spend time with her son, and enjoy him. But she is spending hours playing "try and breastfeed" for ages. And reality suggests that at some point she is going to have to abandon BF anyway as she is going to have to introduce formula to allow her to go back to work.

<her job is very very deadline driven, and for her to pop out to express milk is just not viable>

So, my point here is two fold: 1. we often do things because we feel pressure from Jane Public. 2. we often continue to do things because we are "afraid" of being judged.

Sorry that post is incomplete. Dh came to speak to me, and now I can't remember what I was going to say?! Anywhoo my bf baby only gets purity:)

Mandz Aaqil is bf, has never had formula. But when it comes to food, he has only gotten and will for some time to come only get purity. I already cook 2 separate meals a day for dh and my supper, we both like variety.

RM- I like how you have brought this topic up... As a first time mom, you always have an idea of how you want the birth to pan out, plan to BF exclusively and being the perfect mom that never shouts, never lets her child watch TV and only feeds her child wholesome food. But lets face it, thing don't always work out according to plan. This doesn't make us any less of a mother. And it's not about not caring what others say , that we feel guilty or that we aren't happy with our decisions, it's about being judged by people who haven't been in our situation and can't relate and give an unbiased view on the topic.

Desiree- I am glad you said it I am amazed sometimes at how people word their comments. I just always say if you are speaking from experience then fine!

Twinbee- I take my hat off to you after your birth experience to even attempt to express. I remember being told to almost double over, leaning forward to make the milk flow- how on earth did you do that. At least you understand that all that matters is the welfare of your babies, and they are thriving on Nan as is my LO. He is 6 months old, and *touch wood* has never been sick, is apparently an angel baby according to other moms as he is really content, is thriving in all his developmental milestones...I know full well BF is best for baby but for those of us who were not able to, formula has been a godsend.

Out of no choice of my own, I am a proud C-section mom (Natural turned emergency C-sec) and I BF my LO for 3 months (though not exclusively) and I don't feel guilty about any of it. My son was in ICU for 3 days and I promise you, the fact that I have a happy healthy boy today is all that matters.

Meags- You are an inspiration to us all, anyone who judges you is not worth the attention. You had your reasons for persevering and you have tried every trick in the book, and had such a rough time- if you suceed or don't it doesn't matter Meags. Matt will thrive whether you keep him on EBM or changeover to formula. When I read your updates, I feel I could have BF for longer but thats life hey

Julz- Glad I don't have to hang my head in shame that my freezer contains nicely cooked and pureed food for my LO, and if you open my cupboard I have back-up Purity. If it was bad for our kids it wouldn't be on the market. Just the same way that Vienna's won't kill Dylan either

Wow RM!! I read your initial post and thought "AM I J????" Hehehe

Our babies were born 1 day apart and how our stories are the same so far!!
I am doing my "FINAL" attempt. Ladies, if this doesnt work and I am still pumping after all this...someone fly over here and hit me over the head

After 6 weeks of this little tot refusing to latch, he suddenly latched out of no where!! Who knows why I even tried to latch him on that specific day...I just did. (and sometimes I wish I hadnt figured out that he actually can BF now!)
Ok so great! problem solved! Well no...because he doesnt suck long enough to get a proper feed....so here is a whole new problem now!

Saw a la leche league lady today. She has given me a list of instructions including strapping a tube to my nipple and hanging a bottle from my bra strap. Fine when one is at home and you can let it all hang out...so I ask her what I should do if I'm out? Her response???
"Simply wear 2 tops (1 tank top and 1 shirt - yes...in Miami where it's 32 degrees with 95% humidity...) Then attach the bottle to tank top strap and feed as per normal. The shirt will cover the bottle hanging from the tank top.

Ok honestly? Get real...my baby doesnt just latch and feed or we wouldnt be having this discussion!!!!! So no...her idea of using a supplemental feeder in public with a baby who's trying to learn to BF is not ideal. So yes, some people live in a fantasy world and are often close minded as to what is going to work for ME. She has also told me that setting a goal for the BF to be going totally smoothly is around 3-4 weeks. WHAT THE HELL!!! That is half of the time he's been alive already!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And yes, she would TOTALLY judge me if I threw in the towel after a couple of days of strapping this tube to my boob. Even though she knows what I have been through over the last 7 weeks.

I have a friend in SA who will also totally judge me...and part of me is thinking that if this whole tube to the boob doesnt work - well I may just lie to my friend and say the BF is going great. Just so she doesnt judge me. Every week I told her how much I hated pumping, how sore my boobs were, cracked nipples, lack of sleep etc etc etc. and every week she told me to hang in there and she'd help me get him to BF when i go visit in JULY....HELLO! That's still ANOTHER 2 months away!!!!!!!!!!!!

So my story is that I am strapping the tube to the boob. I am proud to say I pumped for 7 weeks and have more than 20 litres of EBM in my freezer. This will keep him going at least 1 month. I will be the most proud if in a couple of weeks I tell you all he is BF without the boob tube. But you know what? I will be equally as proud of myself for the amount of effort I have given it even if he lands up getting that EBM from a delightful, expensive Tommee Tippee bottle

I think she tried what must you do force a baby to latch that's not fair. Its not easy to be 1st time