New Moms get a raw deal from not-so-new-moms ....

When I listened to my friend last night, the one thing she kept saying in defense of her decision to formula feed, was "but I tried breastfeeding ... " as if that then gives her permission from people who are putting pressure on her to breastfeed that she has "been a good girl and done what they want but now needs to do this other thing..."

And I am thinking - how did we get to this in 2011, that a grown capable mature woman is trying to "explain" herself to strangers to validate her reason for making her own choice about her choice to feed her child.

I seriously sh&t myself - listen I know the entire slogan of Breast is Best, and everyone gets allall zealot like about ensuring that we do not stop hearing the slogan.

But seriously people, there are religious groups who are less fanatical.

Why are women still feeling they need to explain why they choose to breastfeed or formula feed or vaginal birth or c-section.

Why?

Because we as women and moms are still putting pressure on them, that is why!

<geez louise I am annoyed about this subject today, I might even be foaming at the mouth>

I think we relate so with moms and what they are going through so when we see a mom struggle like we did with something we tend to feel that they should seriously follow what worked for us -BECAUSE IT WORKED FOR US. Crazy I know!!!! So us being 'helpful' actually isn't always.

Breastfeeding is a toughie and like Yaz says so many of us would have given up way too quickly were it not for encouragement and yes a teeny bit of judgement from others. I would have too, but I do agree that we have to be fair and be open minded enough to be able to support a mom with whatever she decides to do or keep quite.

Take meags who has been incredible with trying to bf her son. I don't think I know many moms who have tried as hard as she has and your post this morning made me think and I was able to tell her it's okay not to breastfeed. It really is okay.

I have often felt (and written about) mothers lack of support for one another.

I include here most (if not all) our local parenting magazines.

This issue more than the caesar vs natural debate upsets me a lot.

BF is often portrayed in the media as a natural, easy thing to do. Babies are pictured sucking perfectly at a calm, happy mom.

It doesn't always work like that. Latching a baby can be hard - even for experienced moms. I have a friend who just had her 3rd baby and she really battled to get him to latch and feed. The bond isn't immediately there. And sometimes you just don't want to.

But the books make it look and sound simple. They gloss over the pain and the problems and I think thats where so many of the problems start!

We expect something unrealistically.

There is so much stress in those first 6 weeks that we really should do all we can to lessen it not make it more.

My advise to new moms is simply do what makes YOU happy - finish and klaar.

I think the issue that I raised on this thread is about breastfeeding, but it is not limited to breastfeeding.

I think about a similiar discussion we had on birthing methods and c-sections and so on.

The same friend has been lauded because she gave vaginal birth without meds, not by her choice, that was not her plan, it was just how it went.

The issue I have at the moment is that we seem to be in an age/decade/time where we have so much freedom of options, but our freedom of choice is being limited by people and their judgements.

Listen I am a bit of an old crone, and frankly have no problem telling someone who gives me uphill to "take the next bus out of here" but a new mom often feels like they are being hit on all sides and feel so much pressure.

I just think we need to be maybe a bit more mindful of what we dump on new moms often disguised as "well meaning advise."

<again, I am as much to blame as the next I-know-so-much-better-mommy>

I do think that with breastfeeding in particular many new moms need a tiny bit of gentle pushing (but more so lots of QUALIFIED support) as with a lack there of many of us (myself included) would have probably thrown the towel by the end of week 2. Toe-curling nipple pain, engorged boobs and the good old hormones are not the best mix when one is anyhow exhausted and totally overwhelmed by the whole newborn thing. I do, however, also think that many more moms would breastfeed successfully if the pressure from said older moms and other parts of society was less and breastfeeding was just seen as something "normal" that doesn't require so much fuss around it. Unfortunately, the campaigns to promote formula feeding and "breastfeeding being downplayed" (see other thread) have lead to the establishment of the other extreme (some would call it 'militant breastfeeding promoters' but I'm not supporting this term here - can of worm material).

I hope your friend comes right. I think the best advice older moms can give to new moms is that they must find what works for THEM and their family! There's never a one size fits all solution! This does not only apply to feeding options, but basically to all other parenting related matters.

Rm i think after breastfeeding my 2 older kids sucessfully till 1 1/2yrs old.
with the 3rd baby i know the breastfeed technique but lo was drinking every 30min and with the constant moaning and sleepless nights,not to mention the crack nipples.

after 3 weeks of endless drinking i went to breastfeeding clinic and she advise me to top-up my feeds with formula milk. 50ml mornings and evening feeds.
to my suprise it work wonders and my milk supply increase for in between feeds.

when i went to our clinic for the injections i received snotty comments because i am using formula milk. they were not happy that baby was gaining weight, no more nipple issues.

i could not care less what anybody else was thinking, a happy baby needs a happy mom even if that means baby drinking formula milk (my motto)

So true RM!!

When I had my LG the hosp staff forced me to BF!! It really did not want to work!! I felt quite humiliated at one point because of the pushing and prodding of my tits so my LG could latch!! 2nd night in Hosp I made my voice heard - was more like wailing, but who cares!! I just couldn't do it anymore! They brought me a bottle and formula and immediately me and LG settled! No more screaming from LG and my crying cos it did not want to work! Every day the BF clininc ladies came round and I politely chased them away! Turned out that LG has tongue tie and would never have latched! Nobody ever bothered to check for something like that before forcing the BF down my throat!!

We should really be less judgmental cos we never know what medical/personal reasons there may be for mom's not BF.